I'm still digesting the post about treating all women the same. I get it that during that period you're establishing that your a strong guy, and that you are not impressed by her to the point of compromising your own identity.

There are a couple of things that psychologists can help us with:
1. People tend to marry people highly similar in the looks category.
2. Women strive to marry "up" in general
3. People of dissimilar intelligence quotients and severely different values/interests dont have a strong enough connection/emotional bond to keep the interest level high.

That's why my goal on EVERY first date is to see if we challenge each other intellectually. Usually, after one date (I always do a first date at a table (coffee, dinner) where i can look directly at her and see how she thinks/talks. In short, I want to know if she has enough brains/wit to interest me for an hour of conversation. If this fails, usually you are building a relationship based on the WRONG thing.
Some GOOD signs from that hour of conversation:
1. She's comfortable switching from light bulljive topics (movies, college majors) to heavy duty stuff(concepts, ideas, politics) without missing a beat, and she's articulate enough to express her points logically)
2. She has an interesting life. ( if i figure out at this point that her major interests are clubbing, a cat, and britney spears, then ive only wasted an hour).
3. You both ask each other open ended questions. If i ask her a good question(how do you feel about being an only child), and she comes up with "never thought about it", ive only wasted an hour.
4. After the initial nervousness, you find a comfort level in talking. Its not forced. You connect. AT this point, youre "matching" intelligence information to see if you are compatible.
WHAT NOT TO DO:
1. Dont let her take control. If she:
a. Does ALL the talking
b. never asks you questions
c. doesnt let you deal with the waiter
d. answers cell phone calls during dinner
Then youre getting some seriously bad signs. Believe it or not, ive never asked people out again if they did ANY of these things more than once.
2. Get TOO serious. This is not a time for a debate on quantum physics, but it IS a time to find out if she has sufficient intelligence to stimulate you.

This is the value of a first date. You asked her out because she LOOKED good, admit it. Now youre finding out if she SOUNDS good.
DOnt make the mistake of asking her out again if she doesnt SOUND good to you. Chances are slim that her personality is going to change, and believe me, YOURE not going to be the one to change her.

That was a post that hit me right in the face. Great done. Many good things that I havn't thought about earlier.

MrCasual, keep it up!

Great post. I'd also add that even though this talks about a first date, it's important to watch out for these little things at least into the first six months of dating someone. I've learned the hard way that if you ignore little red flags here and there, the relationship will eventually go downhill and blow up in your face.

While you should avoid heavy duty stuff like having debates, etc on the first date, I've always found that if you do little probing questions (e.g. when you see a newspaper comment on the headline and see if she gives you a blank look).


Also, even if a girl isn't that intelligent, if she seems interested to some degree to some of the "intelligent" opr interesting topics you bring up, I say go for it. It simply means she is willing to expand her horizons in life.

yeah good points!

excellent post.