What do you do (in practice) within the first few minutes of arriving at a bar or club all by yourself?

daygameguy said:

What do you do (in practice) withing the first few minutes of arriving at a bar or club alone?

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Usually I'm riding my bike.

Grab a drink then join a group of guys.

The most "normal" thing to do would be to get a drink first, then join a group of guys. Let the girls settle in and then approach. This way the guys would probably not interfere with you cuz they feel relaxed knowing that it's just you whom they've met already, and there are always other sets free for them.

Another very high state method would be to go and approach the first set of girls you see, hot or not, doesn't matter, and keep approaching the girls alone. No guys involved.

I think both the above are pretty good in their own ways.

In my opinion it's the time your enter, mixed with the crowd that night, mixed with the the state you're in, that determines how successful your night can be.

But I would love to get more input here.. there could be a pattern.. which I personally would feel "normal" to follow knowing that it's followed by the majority of the successful people here.

I have NEVER entered a bar and approached a group of guys. As a matter of fact, I never approach guys in bars, only girls. I know all the theory behind why you should talk to the guys at first, bla bla bla, but I don't buy into it. Sometimes guys approach me, either when I'm gaming their friend or when they want to get in on my convo with a chick.

When a guy drops in on me talking to a hottie, I always play it cool, I'm friendly to him, while telling the girl something along the lines of how great of a guy he seems to be, and really pushing her to talk to him. 9/10 times she'll feel uncomfortable doing that right away, it will create an awkward feeling b/w her and the guy and unless he s a PUA, at that point he has no chance with her. The entire time I just sit back and laugh inside

To answer your question, I like the approach where you just start talking to the first group of girls you see (hot or not), it just gives you that initial confidence boost. From there, you just keep approaching other groups of girls until you get the reaction you want...

Step 1: Drink
Step 2: Go to a group of guys and befriend them

Don't go to a group with just guys in it...Nobody likes a sausage fest.

Go to a group of guys with atleast 2 girls in that group, but REMEMBER to pay them no mind. They'll eventually want to get to know you. But, if the girls are those guys girlfriends, step off. You don't want to get curb stomped.

Eventually, those girls will have friends approach them and then that's when you strike. I, personally, like the line "Gosh [insert new friend's girlfriend's name here] why you being rude? Introduce me!" I've done this pleanty of times and it works very well. It negs the girlfriend and it shows the guys in the group that you're interested in the friend and not the girlfriend. Also, it makes the dudes laugh for some reason, I don't know why, but it does. If the guys laugh, you're in. The girlfriend's friend is yours for the taking.

I'm glad you posted this, it's really interesting. Next time my step-brother who's also my sparring partner (for some reason, I like that name better than wingman) comes down, we'll test it out. My success in the field recently only happens when he comes home to Louisiana. He'll be coming down in 2 weeks and if you want, I'll message you the results, post them on this thread, or start an entire new thread. Up to you bro.

Thanks a lot guys. We all know the theory, but in field it's all coming to life. It's real. Whenver a topic like this has been discussed, it's always got textbook replies. It's awesome to read some practical opinions on this topic.

Grab a drink first, and then do things that ensure you will have fun. I see the theory of befriending males first to be more comfortable, but if you wanted friends the bar is not the best place just bring them with you. You go to a club alone I assume you're pretty good at dancing. If you are confident enough(like me) then dancing well will be you're mating dance to Hot girls. If they see you having fun they will COME to you. I've gone with girls above my grade in school merely because of my dancing confidence.

If you are interested in a girl, dance with her but dont spend all your time with her dance around with others too.

i have never went to a bar by my self. I am not big fan of bars anyways so when i go its because my friends want to go drink. Most girls in bars are not my types either.

San Jose California said:

The answer is you don't go out by yourself. Nobody who isn't some sort of retarded freak goes out by themselves. This is the type of thing you do with buddies.

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eeeh FALSE

When I first started this whole hardcore going to bars/clubs thing. I couldn't go out on weekends like some of my buddies. I had to go out on weekdays a lot, hence I was alone. What's wrong with a guy who wants to go out have a drink, enjoy the ambiance and maybe talk/hit on a couple girls? I think going out by yourself is ballsyier then with a group of guys. One of the reasons what hapeld my confidence was I would be one of the few black guys in a country ass redneck bar. I went to extermes to make sure I went to places were I didn't know people cause I knew a lot of people, and even in a town 30 miles in the middle of nowhere I would still run into people I knew.

Typically what I do when I roll solo is, I get a drink, or open up anybody near the vincity of me. Whether it be guy or girl. It just depends, sometimes I might not even open anybody and just peep the scene as im chilled and laid back. All depends on where I'm at

When I go into a bar, my goal is to talk/get chicks. I don't talk to dudes UNLESS we share some interests and/or he could be a potentiel friend. From my experience with talking to dudes, even your FRIENDS would ****block you, it happened to me and it sucks so no talking to dudes. I do my stuff to get girls, that's it.

San Jose California said:

^So when you don't open anybody you just sit there? I'm not trying to challenge you or anything, just curious.

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Honestly Jose

It depends where I'm at, If I'm at a dance club I might dance and do it up at the dance floor, I don't do the whole "wallflower" thing, I see guys do it all the time and frankly it annoys me, cause I know what those guys do, from watching them, they stand there all night, or they stand there and get drunk. I honestly 75% of the time run into people that I know. It's not a small town that I live in but I just know a lot of people from school/work/social circle and just etc etc. In case where I feel exterme chodish I might just lay back, But I rarely do this, I go out first and foremost to enjoy myself whether I'm out with some friends or not. If I get bored or some shiit I just go home

lol

hope that answers it

My belief is you should never go to a bar alone, intentionally.

If you are alone, it should be to wait for friends to show up. Grab a drink, text somebody or call someone. Circle the place once or twice.

If your friends don't show in 30 minutes, leave.

Largely, decent women don't really take to a guy who is alone. It's creepy. And most often approaching guys by yourself or even a mixture of guys/girls is still rather odd because the group will be a little put off by some guy walking up and joining in a group of strangers.

Maybe it's just a midwest thing but I've found this largely never works. In that you don't see it much anyway.

Always at least be there to meet up with a buddy.

If you are in a new city and genuinely do not have any friends, there is nothing wrong with going out alone.

If you are feeling confident and happy with yourself, and you know your reasons, and you have a strong concept of who you are, you can feel perfectly normal being alone.

If you go out alone and NOT socialize with anybody THEN it looks creepy.

If you go out alone but mix with everyone like it's no big deal, most of the times people won't even notice that you are alone, cuz they always see you talking to people.

Most of the time, it's all in your eyes. What you feel is on your face. If you accept your current circumstances and let yourself be your best self regardless of all limiting beliefs, then people would not get a chance to thrive on your weakness.


On a side note, it's funny to see everyone "waiting to get a drink". I actually thought that was loser-ish. Drinks should come in naturally when you get in the mood. But I guess many people use drinks to help them get in the mood.

The first time I ever went to a club, it was Boulevard 3 in hollywood. I used a bus to get there. I didn't order any drinks. I talked to all the chicks in my vicinity. I was opening sets left and right and merging them. And out of nowhere I started getting drinks bought for me.

radiodude said:

Largely, decent women don't really take to a guy who is alone.

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Says who? Ok, maybe in Iowa it's different (i'm not dissing, I just never been in that type of environment), but most places I go girls don't even necessarily know whether you're alone or with friends. Or you can go with friends who don't have the balls to approach (happened to me so many times) and you still end up doing the work all by yourself...

Honestly, I believe that everybody who says "don't go to a bar alone, it's freaky, etc..." is just using this as a cope out, as a way to hide their insecurity.

If you need your buddies around to feel like a pua, then you are still far from where you want to get...

drak_ool said:

Says who? Ok, maybe in Iowa it's different (i'm not dissing, I just never been in that type of environment), but most places I go girls don't even necessarily know whether you're alone or with friends. Or you can go with friends who don't have the balls to approach (happened to me so many times) and you still end up doing the work all by yourself...

Honestly, I believe that everybody who says "don't go to a bar alone, it's freaky, etc..." is just using this as a cope out, as a way to hide their insecurity.

If you need your buddies around to feel like a pua, then you are still far from where you want to get...

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There we go! positivity guys.. where is the positivity!

drak_ool said:

Says who? Ok, maybe in Iowa it's different (i'm not dissing, I just never been in that type of environment), but most places I go girls don't even necessarily know whether you're alone or with friends. Or you can go with friends who don't have the balls to approach (happened to me so many times) and you still end up doing the work all by yourself...

Honestly, I believe that everybody who says "don't go to a bar alone, it's freaky, etc..." is just using this as a cope out, as a way to hide their insecurity.

If you need your buddies around to feel like a pua, then you are still far from where you want to get...

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I figured you would probably say that. My perception has always been from a college and 20-something standpoint. That crowd largely tends to run in groups or pairs.

More mature bars do tend to have people who come by themselves. However I've seen this dynamic moreso with the 40-something and up crowd.

I guess I never really had to go out by myself or felt the need to. I usually had plenty of opportunities both in and out of the bar scene with women.

To be honest, I'm not entirely confident that alot of the opinions on here are always that well tested or honestly spoken. My perception over my years of adult life (I'm 28) have been that women in bars tend to feel more comfortable interacting with guys who have some sort of social connection already present. Thats not to say there aren't exceptions. But particularly for young adults this seems to be the case.

Don't know...maybe I'm just big pvssy.

As to the geography issue...yes, the midwest is a 'colder' environment in terms of social ettiquette with strangers. It's considered at least somewhat gay when a strange guy just starts talking to another strange guy for any reason beyond a given situation occuring that involves both of them.

And younger women here do look at your social situation or at least try to gauge it on a more judgmental level.

So take my advice with a geographical grain of salt.

The coasts my be more relaxed.

I don't go to bars, I go to clubs. In most cases I go alone cuz I can't find anybody to bring and have fun with, male or female.