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What happens when you apologize to a woman?

DeepBlue

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What happens when you apologize to a woman?

Answer: she will give you massive approval, she will smile and think you're adorable, she will want to cuddle you like you're her little baby.

In other words, you will start seeming LESS like somebody she'd want to f*ck.

Generally a woman is sexually drawn to men who seem kind of like her dad--her first and most powerful image of manhood. And how often do Dads apologize to their kids for anything?

If you feel that you must apologize to a woman, do it very, very sparingly.

DeepBlue
 

darkhorse

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"Don't apologize, don't explain." - John Wayne

Good quote. If he was more talkative, he would have added "when you apologize, your d!ck falls off and you grow a vagina."
 

Wyldfire

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It depends on what you're apologizing for. If you did something that warrants an apology, then you should apologize. If you didn't, you don't. And when you do apologize, you keep it simple and don't make it long, drawn out and pathetic.

Good parents apologize when they fvck up, and admit that they aren't perfect.
 

pjam

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I don't think you should appologize for every little thing and especially if it's not your fault.

However, as is on this site, and as is in our society, everybody is BOO WHOOOO, it is never my fault.

I agree with some of the DJ principles, but to me, most of the people on this site have a tendency to have this belief that THE WORLD IS TO BLAME and NOTHING I DO is WRONG. Male and Female.

Take some responsibility sometimes, because honeslty, not one of us is Perfect.
 

darkhorse

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
It depends on what you're apologizing for. If you did something that warrants an apology, then you should apologize. If you didn't, you don't. And when you do apologize, you keep it simple and don't make it long, drawn out and pathetic.

Good point. If you're going to apologize, how you do it is key.

When in doubt, it is better to err on the side of not apologizing rather than apologizing.
 

LilKid

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
It depends on what you're apologizing for. If you did something that warrants an apology, then you should apologize. If you didn't, you don't. And when you do apologize, you keep it simple and don't make it long, drawn out and pathetic.

Good parents apologize when they fvck up, and admit that they aren't perfect.
Yeh this is true, never draw it out for ages they'll just get bored senseless...and besides wyldfire is a girl she should know what they like
 

Bonhomme

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Cynical though this may be, I agree with GC and Deep Blue.

As stupid as it may be -- since admitting you're wrong or that you don't know everything takes courage and strength -- it is best to keep apologies and equivocal statements at a minimum when dealing with women. Especially those under 30. But more mature women are better able to recognize true strength of character.
 

Gipper

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Early on in a dating scenerio, apologizing for anything other than the most heinous of acts will definitely throw you into the "weak" zone.

Until you have layed the girl, you must remain strong, mysterious, and an icon of manhood for her. Apologizing destroys this image.

Later on, in an LTR, you may apologize intemittantly, but keep it to a minimum; kinda like gift-giving.

Gipper

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"There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know you're money, and that you want to party.
-Trent, from "Swingers"

"Keep your girlfriend away from me,
Just advice I’m giving you for free,
Wanna have every thing I see,
So keep your girlfriend away from me..."
-Local H, from "Here Comes The Zoo"
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
LilKid, you've got a lot to learn.

Apologizing is often a bad idea unless you have done something so outrageously horrible that not apologizing would make you a monster.

Apologizing for some wrong does not increase respect or your chance of getting forgiveness. It merely points out that you were, in fact, wrong and that you admit that you did something bad. The more you apologize, the more wrong you seem. I am sure that many people here will disagree with this, and I don't much care. This is the way that it is.

I have tried this both ways. I once asked my girlfriend to go with me to a formal dinner party. She refused, for various reasons. I told her that was fine, and took another girl instead, as a friend. She was pissed. I did not think I had done anything wrong, but I apologized profusely. Apologizing just seemed to make her more angry. I apologized again and again, each time more heartwarming, each time making her more and more angry. I couldn't figure it out, until I actually thought about it and realized what a chump I was. By apologizing, I was admitting that I had done something wrong. If I had kept my mouth shut, left, and let her burn off her own damn steam, she would have been apologizing to ME for getting so upset. Instead, she held this little incident over my head for the remaining year and a half of our god-awful relationship.

Another time, I said some things about her sister, who was irritating the living sh*t out of me at the time. My girlfriend got very angry, and I realized that I was out of line. But I didn't apologize. I simply dropped the argument. She kept up about it though, and finally I pretended to be angry at HER and left. A couple hours later she was on the phone begging ME to forgive HER. At that point, she was literally willing to do anything at all to get me to forgive her. By keeping my mouth shut, I waited her out until she thought that SHE was wrong. This works best when you *occasionally but sparingly* apologize when you do something wrong, so that you seem to be fair-minded and not just some jerk that can't admit when he's wrong. Apologize for maybe 25% of the things that you would normally apologize for. You'll notice a dramatic difference.

You didn't do anything to apologize for. As your g/f it was her responsibility to attend with you. Since she refused you had every right to take someone else. If she didn't like it...to bad. You never should have apologized for that.

But of course, since I have tits and don't know what I'm talking about you should just assume you did something wrong. Afterall, what do I know? I'm just a chick.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
No sh*t, Sherlock. Once again proving that if chicks have at least one talent, it's that of stating the obvious.

I know I didn't have anything to apologize for in that situation. But I DID apologize, and it led to a negative reaction, EVEN THOUGH I DID NOTHING WRONG. In the second example, even I admit that I did something wrong, but I didn't apologize and then SHE ended up apologizing. I was pointing out the two ends of the spectrum there. In one situation, I did nothing wrong, apologized anyway, and she got mad and held it over my head forever. In the second situation, I did something wrong, didn't apologize, and she ended up begging me to forgive her.

But I thought chicks cloud the obvious with emotions? So which is it?
 

Giovanni Casanova

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[double post]

[This message has been edited by Giovanni Casanova (edited 04-01-2002).]
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
I think in this case it's just about a chick wanting to say something even though she really didn't have anything to say.

Not at all. I honestly want to know how you think women can point out the obvious AND cloud the obvious with emotions at the same time? It makes no sense at all and isn't rational. Could it be that you have just gotten accustomed to thinking negatively of women in general and feel compelled to discredit them even if there isn't any real reason to? I'm being serious. I'm really curious why a lot of the guys on here will contradict themselves in order to paint women in a negative light. Does it just feel good to biotch about women? What's the deal with this? I really would like to know.
 

Matt ala Casanova

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Maybe its because this place is outweighed with more AFC's than MDJ's. People come here to vent and get advice, we can't expect everyone to come out answering the problems that exist with AFCism.

It doesn't help when two MDJ's start bickering though....


M.A.C.

ps. Both of your points are solid, just stick to them and live with them.

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"If you worry about tommorow and get mad about yesterday, you will piss all over today!"
 

Wolf in sheep's clothing

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While you may decide not to apologize, do not fall into the trap of being drawn into justifying yourself or making excuses for your actions. In terms of relating to women, justifying yourself is the same thing as apologizing, and making excuses is a major sign of weakness as it says you are not in control of your life.

While there is debate over when you should apologize to a woman, never ever apologize to her for her emotional state. Just because she is upset does not mean you are at fault. She is responsible for her emotions, not you.

If you apologize for upsetting a woman you are submitting to emotional blackmail - she does not agree with what you did and is trying to control you through an emotional outburst. It is no different to a child chucking a tantrum in a supermarket to get their parent to buy them some sweets. Submit and you lose her respect because you have said to her "yes, you can control me with your emotions." Women NEED a man who will reign in their emotions, and not a man who will supplicate to them.


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"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'" - Homer J. Simpson
 

Giovanni Casanova

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Originally posted by Wolf in sheep's clothing:
While you may decide not to apologize, do not fall into the trap of being drawn into justifying yourself or making excuses for your actions. In terms of relating to women, justifying yourself is the same thing as apologizing, and making excuses is a major sign of weakness as it says you are not in control of your life.

While there is debate over when you should apologize to a woman, never ever apologize to her for her emotional state. Just because she is upset does not mean you are at fault. She is responsible for her emotions, not you.

If you apologize for upsetting a woman you are submitting to emotional blackmail - she does not agree with what you did and is trying to control you through an emotional outburst. It is no different to a child chucking a tantrum in a supermarket to get their parent to buy them some sweets. Submit and you lose her respect because you have said to her "yes, you can control me with your emotions." Women NEED a man who will reign in their emotions, and not a man who will supplicate to them.

I agree wholeheartedly.

Bonus points for using the word "supplicate"... the DJ word of choice.

This message has been brought to you by "Anti-Supplications"... Whenever she wants you to give into her demands, shove one of THESE babies up your ass!

Sorry, it's just that "supplicate" seems too close to "suppository". Whatever.



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CASANOVA

"It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"When we are unable to find tranquillity within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

"We are more interested in making others believe we are happy than in trying to be happy ourselves."
Francois De La Rochefoucauld

"Absense diminishes minor passions and inflames great ones, as the wind douses a candle and fans a fire."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
I'm not exactly sure where you are coming up with this whole "clouding over the obvious" thing, but I do agree that there are circumstances where chicks cloud over the obvious. For example, when it is obvious that they don't want to go out with you, but they cloud it over by saying, "Maybe" or "I'll think about it." But when it pertains to someone or something else... for example, I say, "I didn't do anything wrong but I apologized for it anyway" and a girl says, "You shouldn't have apologized because you didn't do anything wrong" they'll shamelessly state the obvious and maybe even believe in their mind that they are saying something profound. To me, it just sounds like a girl who wants to hear herself talk (or see her words in print or whatever).

In summary, I believe a girl will state the obvious when it does not impact her in any way and cloud over the obvious when it impacts her positively (she gains something or she doesn't have to deal with an uncomfortable situation, etc).

I guess that answers the questions. But men are the same way...so it's really a human thing, not a woman thing.
 

Amlothi

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Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova:
I think in this case it's just about a chick wanting to say something even though she really didn't have anything to say.

And quoting your entire post was effective also. I just love that.


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"There are no such things as mixed signals when it comes to women, there is reality and what the guy wants to be reality." - Don Phenom
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Amlothi:

And quoting your entire post was effective also. I just love that.


 

KCFlyer

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One thing to remember about women is that how you say something (especially an apology) is more important than what you say.

I drank too much the other night and said some things that I shouldn't have. So I apologized for it later that week. I don't know if it did any good or not (and I'm not sure I care), but I didn't draw things out. If a woman doesn't want to talk about something, then don't force them to.
 
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