i have 3 plates i am trying to spin and i feel like each of them are unworthy of someone worth settling down with. one very controversial topic on this forum is that it is the guy's fault for continuing to stay involved with women who display red flags or whatever, knowing that the longer you do, the more likely it is that you will develop emotional vulnerability to them, etc. how quickly do i cut them off? do i keep them in the picture as plates as long as and until something better comes along? what if as result of my busy schedule it takes 6 months or more to "meet" someone worth "having a relationship with"? by that time a lot of dudes would wind up being in a "relationship" practically with one of their original plates that they decided long ago were not worthy but kept around as "practice" or someone to spend time with.

plate 1: 29 year old indian chic hb7 with a kid who is in india with the chic's parents. we met at the laser hair removal place (yea i used to have hair all over myself and got sick of shaving, but now i only hav hair where it is "supposed" to be, whatever) we talk online a lot and sometimes on the phone but i'm just not sure if i want to "date" a girl with a kid. especially an indian chic. i prefer white girls.

plate 2: 24 year old white girl hb7 who has slept with about 10 dudes in her life (starting from 16). she smokes pot on a semi-weekly basis. she has a college degree. went to a party with her and she was all smiley with a couple guys, and it seemed kinda behind my back at one point - which reminded me of my ex.

plate 3: 28 year old white chic hb7 with a kid. met her originally in college in 2003 she got divorced about a year ago because the guy was cheating and left for some other girl. the chic is very family oriented and again, i don't know if i want to get involved with a chic with a kid. she used to be kind of a ho in college and i don't know if i could ever respect her.

You're right. Neither of those women seem like good fits for LTR (if that's your intentions). However, if you're looking to just screw they all seem fvckable to me.

Plate 1: If you have a certain preference for women you screw and she doesn't measure up then drop her. No need to waste your time on a chick you're not very interested in.

Plate 2: Definitely just a quick fvck. My rule of thumb is to not engage in anything serious with girls that always party and just so happen to be extra friendly with dudes at those same parties.

Plate 3: Seems like the cleanest of them all, but since she's recently divorced she probably still has some healing to do.

Also all of them have a kid so if you can sex all of these women with minimal effort I say go for it.

thanks guan.

i have another update. just when i had begin to give up on the online dating thing (after joining every online dating site i could possibly think of), i responded to an hb8 post on craigslist and we got to emailing back and forth and she gave me her number. i called she didnt answer. i left a message, she called back yada yada...

to make a long story short, below you will find the information i collected (meaning what she told me about herself) in the 50 minute conversation we just had. you guys will be proud to know that i ended the conversation within a blink of an eyelash in sensing the conversation was about to slow down, but said i was glad she called back, it was nice talking with her, and we should talk later in the week. she was sort of stunned because she got silent when i said i was getting off the phone, if she had stayed quiet another econd longer i would have asked if she was still there.

1. hb8 white chic
2. adopted
3. adopted dad took off when she was 13 so partially raised by her grampa
4. adopted dad passed away 8 years ago, she took it bad because they hadn't talked in almost 2 years, so she had a lot of "guilt"
5. after that she began spending a lot of time at the animal shelter where she adopted the most unfriendly cat who scratched her on the chest AT the shelter and left a scar (she is now VERY close with this animal and " wouldn't be able to eat or sleep if something every happened to it"......interesting)
6. VERY sentimental, prefers giving gifts that have meaning rather than $ value
7. was very "mischievous" as a child, got into a lot of trouble
8. spent new years eve at hospital with sister in law who just gave birth.

doesn't seem too abnormal or "strange". no narcisistic or sociopathic tendencies detected. definitely a "giver" personality especially to those who demonstrate high appreciation (like to feel appreiciated).

i am not going to call her during this week but might send a sentimental email forward called "who packs your parachute" that someone sent me last week, on tuesday (no i'm not "thinking too much" about my game plan don't worry).

but sh1t. i need to quit smoking and get back into the gym immediately seeing as i am still slightly emaciated and look 22 instead of 30. i still feel hurt and extremely disappointed/discouraged about what happened to me in october, but i want to be able to meet new people and have intimacy with someone normal down the road.

thanks for your feedback, especially to those who have been following my story.

so its my 3rd week back at work. its nice to get a little attention from the women as i have been trying to get out there. i'm still kind of shell shocked about last year. i'm currently weighing what str8up and TO said in the other thread about my value decreasing over the course of the relationship AND also the whole idea about how just because i was going through a bad patch wasn't very fair to just bail on me like that.

anyways, so i have been playing scrabble online with plate 3. she has high IL and i can tell i could easily get with her. sh'es starting to use sexual inuendos in her scrabble words. wow, talk about taking it slow, huh? i'm not sure if i am that attracted to her though because she has a kid and.. i don't know.

i'm more excited about plate 4. she's gorgeous. i'm proud of myself that i was able to end the conversation like i did and how she reacted to it (not that i am not typically able to do that when i am normal lol). i'm just taking things one small step at a time. one day at a time. i'm forcing myself to do things even when i felt like i had no motivation or drive to do anything other than chain smoke and sleep. its helping.

i'm starting the patch tomorrow and i'm going to try to cut back on the smoke by 90% by this weekend. i have to increase my calorie intake and continue repairing my appearance if i want to be able to go out with these chics and have any chance at forming any kind of relationship however casual it may be.

one day at a time.

plate 1: indian chic - getting back from vacation next week and we are going to hang out.
plate 2: hb7 24 yr old - fell on another c0ck and out of the picture
plate 3: hb 7 divorced w/kid - still in the picture and we are getting 'closer'
plate 4: hb9 life story to me in 45 mins - disappeared
plate 5: hb8 - turns out she is substiantially chubbier than her facebook photo (hb5)

what a retarded game. i'm not used to this sh1t. i was raised differently than a lot of people i guess. my normal tendency is to not 'get involved' with a woman unless i feel there is potential for a future. i take it slow and develop feelings over time.

ok so i am going to keep things going with the divorced chic with a kid only to know in my mind for certain that neither do i want nor will we ever have a 'future'. i can already tell she is getting 'attached' and all we've been doing is playing scrabble EOD on line and talking on the phone/texting back and forth. soo i guess i am going to have to break her precious heart when i disappear just like her tool husband did, right? poor thing went on antidepressants and had a nervous breakdown after he left for that younger chic. gosh, the girl is only 28. am i supposed to not have a conscious and just use these broads for sex and kick them to the curb? am i suppose to become that which brought me here in the first place?

is all this really about assimilation into a society and culture which i wish was 'better' but cannot do anything about to make a difference?

be the change you wish to see in the world?

heckofalot thats done for me thus far.

if i successfully make this change over to plate-spinning it is going to change the fabric of who i am. i am going to have to force myself to not have deep feelings for anyone. wtf

darkstarrr said:

if i successfully make this change over to plate-spinning it is going to change the fabric of who i am. i am going to have to force myself to not have deep feelings for anyone. wtf

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Nah, the plate spinning will stop you from having FALSE deep feelings for women because you're thinking with your d!ck (plus all of those feel-good brain chemicals during the early stage) and there's only one woman available. Even better, it might stop you from "falling in love" with a desperate, pathetic woman on anti-depressants out of pity, thus saving you from a million problems down the track.

You'll be more genuine and closer to who you really are when you truly do have options and don't have that smelly desperation for sex or female companion clouding your senses.

what a retarded game. i'm not used to this sh1t. i was raised differently than a lot of people i guess. my normal tendency is to not 'get involved' with a woman unless i feel there is potential for a future. i take it slow and develop feelings over time.

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That's exactly the right mentality for plate spinning. You take it slow and don't get involved seriously with a woman until you can see that she's a serious potential for a LTR. Your only problem right now is that you see "dating" as "getting involved". Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean that you have to get serious with her asap. Not to mention that until you've dated someone for a little while, you'll have no idea if that woman has LTR potentials. Barring blatantly obvious red flags, you should date a woman before deciding if she has LTR potentials, not the other way around.

If you don't want to sleep with a woman you're not serious about, don't force yourself to do the "fvck & chuck" - that is up to the plate spinner to decide and depends on how liberal he is with sex.

So take it slow, date women one at a time or a few at a time, up to you, and find out which one you should invest more seriously in.

Jitterbug said:

That's exactly the right mentality for plate spinning. You take it slow and don't get involved seriously with a woman until you can see that she's a serious potential for a LTR. Your only problem right now is that you see "dating" as "getting involved". Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean that you have to get serious with her asap.

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Thanks JB. Its interesting because I find that when I start hooking up with any chic she immediately starts the validation thing where the line of questioning begins.

-------------------------------------------------
her: You're not hooking up with anyone else right?
me: (holy sh1t what do i say?) no, why?
her: ok good because i would lose my mind
me: (aww thats sweet. she likes me. it seems safe to go the next level) oh really?
her: yes

fast forward 1 year

me: you are acting like i have done something to make you angry. what gives?
her: nothing, i'm just so depressed. i just need a job and its driving me crazy.
me: (maybe i should start keeping closer in touch with my people on SS).

fast forward 1 month

her: i can't be in relationship anymore
me: (wtf i bet she is fvcking around..*****)

fast forward 1 week

her friend: oh she has been back with so-and-so for a little while now
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plate 3 that i am spinning just texted me. its 6am. she says she cant sleep. i can see where this is heading. i guess part of spinning plates is knowing there is the possibility of breaking hearts. i just feel bad putting people through what i went through. i guess thats just how the world works.

*ponders*

Looks like your frame is fairly weak and women seem to sniff that out quickly and challenge it then force theirs on you by throwing threats at you. You should stick to your own pace as you go through the stages in a relationship from the beginning (dating) and not let the woman force hers on you. In your example above, she was challenging your lead and you pretty much handed it over to her on a plate without a fight.

The first part of your example is essentially a jealousy test with the intention to steal the frame, which you get a lot with new plates you just hooked up with. Last time, a plate asked me something similar to that:

Plate: You're not hooking up with anyone else right?
Me: No, but there are some girls - you probably know some of them - trying to sink their hooks into me. You should defend me from them.
Plate: I'll claw their eyes out if they try to steal my man!

I entertain their possessiveness & jealousy but no way I'm gonna let them use that to control or guilt-trip me.

That same Plate tried to flip the script on me a few days later when I asked her to dress in a certain, sexy way to accompany me to a ball.

Plate: But I'll look too sexy and other guys won't leave me alone for the rest of the night!
Me: Oh you don't have to worry about it. I'm too intimidating for those boys. But your dressing up like that will help scare the girls away from me. 8)

-> That pretty much flipped the jealousy test back on her. Soon she surrendered her frame.

I may not necessarily be hooking up with anyone else at the time but there's always that very real possibility of her losing me to another girl, which keeps her on her toes & makes her follow my lead.

Of course there are those who will not follow my lead and want to do things their ways. That's fine too - we're incompatible, it happens - and I simply end it with them, even if they're hotter than the rest of the plates. A lot of guys get on this plate spinning thing but are sh!t scared of losing plates (especially if they're the best in their current roster) to the point that it pretty much defeats the purpose.

When you first start doing this, you'll drop a lot of plates quickly and be mad at yourself. Some of the plates would normally be girls you're desperate to keep. But you'll get better and acquire new ones just as good if not better soon.

i guess part of spinning plates is knowing there is the possibility of breaking hearts. i just feel bad putting people through what i went through. i guess thats just how the world works.

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It's just life. Everyone gets a few heartbreaks. Don't feel too bad - at least you can be sure of this: women get a much bigger support network than we do. I feel bad when that happens too, so I try to end it the best way possible, but I'm just a man and not Jesus - can't save everyone from pains.

Took me a while to come to terms with that. Pvssy-footing around trying not to hurt people's feelings doesn't work. It often results in you hurting both yourself and the woman. If you acknowledge the simple fact of life that people may get their feelings hurt when pursuing a relationship and know that you will act with class and treat it with respect, you'll avoid most of the damage.

Besides, plate spinning is at the dating stage, not relationship stage (excluding the MLTR scenario). It should be a couple of months at most. Any woman who gets her heart broken after such a short period likely has some issues already and you only play a small part in it.

Jitterbug said:

Nah, the plate spinning will stop you from having FALSE deep feelings for women because you're thinking with your d!ck (plus all of those feel-good brain chemicals during the early stage) and there's only one woman available. Even better, it might stop you from "falling in love" with a desperate, pathetic woman on anti-depressants out of pity, thus saving you from a million problems down the track.

So take it slow, date women one at a time or a few at a time, up to you, and find out which one you should invest more seriously in.

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Thanks JB thats some solid advice!

I've decided to drop all my plates and continue working on improving myself. I actually like the word plate. I've found myself fantasizing about telling a girl "you're just a plate baby, just a plate".

Anyways, one of my plates is on my case like a district attorney. We've played our games of scrabble and I've decided I don't like her. She has a kid and she's just not my type. But now she wants to play other board games with me. I will go along with it for now but I will shut her off within a day or 2.

Jitterbug said:

Of course there are those who will not follow my lead and want to do things their ways. That's fine too - we're incompatible, it happens - and I simply end it with them, even if they're hotter than the rest of the plates.

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Nice work JB , you're a smart kid.