OK -- so a co-worker (actually more of a superior) is attempting to set me up with a girl that she knows. Today, at work, she gave me this girl's e-mail address and told me to send her an message and set something up with her. Allegedly, she'd already talked to this girl about me but just didn't have her phone number on her.

I trust that she's playing straight up with me on the phone issue because I don't think she's the type of person that would lie to me directly about something like that.

I've never set up a date via e-mail -- I prefer to use phone calls and/or in person meetings. Is there any way to look "pro" in an e-mail, or is the best bet to just be direct, succinct, and ask for a phone number so that a date can be arranged?

My natural inclination would be to the latter: be direct, get a number, and don't say much of anything in the message (wait until you can say it in person).

Any thoughts?

Is this a blind date? I would be leery of any woman setting me up.

Dear #41,
Firstly,be aware that people who go out of their way to set up dates think highly of you and could well be concealing an attraction for you....Secondly,if this Lady as your "Superior" is in a position to hurt your career,find a way out of this,as she could possibly be miffed if she gets a bad report back from her friend....All things being fine then a simple but friendly letter,saying you have been told by her friend that she might be amenable to a date,having previously ascertained her interests,suggest the sort of thing you had in mind maybe just a cuppa first,tell her you are looking forward to your meeting and would she send HER number so you can firm things up.....Remember even if she is the fattest ugliest cow imaginable be nice and go through with the charade,and invent a reason for not progressing things to her mate that does not include the fact that she is uglier than a Robbers Dog....

Amante Silvestre said:

Ask your co-worker to bring her "friend" out for a drink sometime.

Pass otherwise.

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As I said -- she's not a co-worker, she's more like a superior (I work in the legal field, her job title rhymes with "drudge"). Not somebody I go out for drinks with, for obvious reasons.

...and, to answer another previous response, not someone who I think is harboring secret, potentially career-damning, desires for a 26 year old rookie attorney.

Scaramouche said:

Remember even if she is the fattest ugliest cow imaginable be nice and go through with the charade,and invent a reason for not progressing things to her mate that does not include the fact that she is uglier than a Robbers Dog....

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That's actually not going to be a concern here -- I've seen a few pictures of her, and she's actually extremely good looking. She's actually the type of girl I'd never try to hit on at a bar or out in public just because, based on looks alone, I'd wager she could do much better than me and I don't like wasting my time on the type of women that usually have no interest in me.

Basically, though, your overall point is correct -- this is really just a charade that I want to get through without looking like a douche and then move on. Normally I'd just blow it off, but the person making the arrangements isn't someone I feel comfortable blowing off.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. This is an awkward situation.

Sounds like a freaking trap, if you're smart you'll know what you have to do.

#41 said:

...She's actually the type of girl I'd never try to hit on at a bar or out in public just because, based on looks alone, I'd wager she could do much better than me and I don't like wasting my time on the type of women that usually have no interest in me.

Basically, though, your overall point is correct -- this is really just a charade that I want to get through without looking like a douche and then move on. Normally I'd just blow it off, but the person making the arrangements isn't someone I feel comfortable blowing off.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. This is an awkward situation.

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"based on looks alone, I'd wager she could do much better than me"
"I want to get through without looking like a douche and then move on."

Are you serious? Do you think that you are this uninteresting as a person? If you do, you have bigger problems then this 'potential' date.

Here is my advice, give MY number to her and let ME take a chance. I don't want you to look like a 'douche' either. She probably wants to go out and have fun meeting someone new and interesting, otherwise she would not have agreed to this.

OR -

Go out and enjoy yourself!!!!!

Issue #2
“Normally I'd just blow it off, but the person making the arrangements isn't someone I feel comfortable blowing off.”

My guess is this person setting you up has bigger things going on in their life then to worry about whether or not you meet this woman. You might get a couple of verbal jabs, but hey, this is your life! If you really don’t want to then DON’T!

For whatever it is worth… I am here because this was how I thought too. And I went through a LOT to get me ‘better’. I am not Brad Pitt looking. But, I realized that before I could expect a beautiful woman to love me, I needed to love AND more importantly Respect myself. I made changes in my life (working out, focusing on my job, my children, my house, my mind) to start to earn the respect from myself. This change did not happen gradually. It took time! Now, I am happier then I have ever been! I did it to get a woman, I walked away with so much more…

grandpa said:

Are you serious? Do you think that you are this uninteresting as a person? If you do, you have bigger problems then this 'potential' date.

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No -- but I've also been around the block enough times to know exactly how far my interesting personality and amusing anecdotes from working in the legal system take me.

I'm a tall, goofy looking dude. I was blessed, fortunately, with a brain that allowed me to think my way through college, through law school, and into a job that doesn't require me to look good. That'll take you so far with some women, but not all women. It certainly doesn't take you far in the age demographic that this girl was in (22 y/o). Part of maturity is knowing yourself -- who you are and what you're all about. I know what I am, and I'm OK with that.

Just as an update, I took her out for a night, we had a nice time but it was clear she was only there because someone had asked her to be there. I don't anticipate calling her again. Which is good, because now that concludes any obligation I have.