I posted a little while back about how I was checking this girl and asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she keeps saying shes undecided yet. Well, the problem is that now, one of my friends seems to be getting awful close to her. I wasnt worried at first because I remembered he was checking another girl too, but after last night I have to be worried. She doesnt even hang around me anymore. She always seems to gravitate towards him, and to make matters worst, I found out he isnt checkin the other girl anymore. The two of them work in on the dance team at my church, while I dont, so she sees him a whole lot more too. Everyone says it looks like their going already, but i asked her like three nights ago if she wants to be my girl again and she said she promised she will tell me soon... I AM SO FRICKIN BUGGED RIGHT NOW. I have another one of my boys who is around the two of them a whole lot more than me doing recon. The problem is, if he is checking her, I dont think i can even compete with him in the looks department. So how do you stop someone else who is stepping on your interest and gaining more ground than you in less time?

Sounds like somebody has a bad case of oneitits!
I'll point out some of your mistakes. For starters, you asked her to be your girlfriend at the wrong time. Getting a girl is all about timing. You don't want to ask the question too soon (when not enough rapport has been made for attraction to be sparked), or too late (when her feelings have faded away.)

My suggestion is you need to read up on some posts about "prizing." It refers to you having the power in the relationship instead of the girl you are going after. The girl should be chasing you, not the other way around! Also, looks don't really matter too much, HOWEVER, it is obvious this "guy" has much more talent at picking up women.

I'll now try to answer your question directly. There is no real way of preventing somebody from stepping on your interest and gaining more ground than you in less time. The only way which may HELP to prevent this is to initiate such a great amount of rapport that she wouldn't want to even look at another guy, because she is so head over heels crazy for you. Were you confident, ****y, funny, and outgoing when you were with her? Did you use time restraints when you talked to her, or did you make yourself freely available to her (thus making her become the prize.) The little things add up...

I think many members are going to tell you to forget this girl, because if there was no initial attraction between you and this woman (which is obvious that there wasn't any because she clearly doesn't want to spend time with you anymore). Next her, and find another one and learn from your mistakes.

The beauty of woman is that there is always going to be a better one and with enough time you will find a might fine one!

Click the link to the DJ Bible.

Scroll down until you see the part about Anti Dump's Machine.

Read all of the posts on that.

To get you started though I will say that you should do your best to make a strong first impression and if the girl is not digging you from that or giving you mixed signals stop stressing about her and go after someone else.

This DJ stuff can at times be a numbers game so don't wait around and hope some chick is going to start showing you the strong IOI's.

If you get any bullsh!t mixed signals just start gaming other chicks.

The idea is your life and your needs as a man are not put on hold for some flakey b!tch.

Don't burn your bridge with any flakey chick of course just quietly and swiftly move to the next number in the chain and if the chick comes around later and wants to get with you then its all good.

Above all though read up on Anti Dump's Machine and focus primarily only on the girl's that display strong interest in you from the get go.

Persuing anything else is an uphill battle and surefire road to heartbreak or an ultimately doomed relationship.

As for your friend you didn't give enough information about him but if he knew you liked this girl and were persuing her and he went after her anyway get him the hell out of your life.

He is no friend.

Disloyal scum are not friends.

I don't care what anyone on this site says to the contrary about it.

Far too many people these days mistake aquaintances for friends.

You've asked for the girl, she didn't say yes.

Know the difference. It isn't that she said no. It isn't the she said maybe.

She did not say yes, which was the answer you were looking for. It's like asking a cop to not apply a parking ticket. No other answer matters.

Don't bother about "the other". The end result is that you're not with her. Doesn't matter who she's with now. What matters is that you don't have her.

But let's say you're going to ignore the advice of this old man. I remember my crushes on high school. It's like a potent drug, consuming you.

If you can't compete on looks, try something else. Be an interesting person. Learn how to play drums, do magic tricks, hike, play soccer. Whatever suits you.

Then invite her (and her friends) to see your band playing. To see if she can figure out your magic. To camp. To cheer for your soccer team.

Figure out yourself first. And let others follow you on this fun adventure that's life.

But let's say you're going to ignore me again. You already have a "life", a band, a team, you dance salsa on weekends at the asylum. Whatever.

It looks like this girl is "testing waters". She goes there, she comes here. She listens here, she talks about there. That's normal. But it's not what you want.

Make the final move. Tell her that you asked her to be your girlfriend, and while you respect that she needs time to think, it took you a long time to ask the question. But you can't wait anymore, because you want to be with a girl. Then say you want to hear her answer.

Let me break down what I just said:

> Tell her that you asked her to be your girlfriend

Don't treat her like a stupid person. Do not ask again, she heard the first time. But make her know that you're making the advances.

> and while you respect that she needs time to think

D'uh.

Let me tell you a story. My previous girlfriend was 8 years younger than me. I was her lover, best friend, but also older brother. Sometimes she would say stupid things and I would confront her. She used to answer: "You don't understand", which I replied: "I do understand. I've listened to what you said. (repeat what she said). But I don't agree."

That's what you want to show the girl. You know she asked for time, but you don't have to think that it's a good idea.

> it took you a long time to ask the question.

Some people will say this is an AFC attitude. It depends how you say it, and your voice tone. You don't want to look like someone who's afraid. What you want to express is that you had a plan. You've analysed yourself, and you acted. You have a brain, and you go for it when you make the decision. You're a smart man.

> But you can't wait anymore, because you want to be with a girl.

Which is true, isn't? Let her know that you're choosing her. Make her feel special. Then say you that you have needs. I am not talking about sexual needs, but about what you want.

> Then say you want to hear her answer.

Don't give her more time to think. She had this already. Make her, on the spot, make a decision. You made yours, now you want to hear hers.

This is important. You're not going for anything less than an yes. I am not telling you to pressure her for a yes. To make her want you. But if she says "I still need time", then say: "Well, I hope we can still be friends" and walk away.

What you want is an end to this novel. You need to write the final chapter. You need to rest your head on the pillow at night and know. If the answer is "no", so be it.

My brother uses to say: "If you're not with a girl, then no is your current answer. Hearing it again won't change anything".