There are some people who come to pickup sites to learn a few techniques, some smooth stories and witty comebacks etc, but who basically see getting women as a separate part of their life from everything else. In my experience they don't usually get very far, or only end up hooking up with skanks.

The majority of men though, on this site in particular, have an understanding that for anything real to happen with women, it takes more than that. One must change one's life and be a better all round person. Paradoxically, the best way to get women to want you is to have a life so good that having a woman in it is only a secondary benefit.

So we do that. We cut down on the pizzas and hit the gym. We get off the Xbox and start using our time constructively. We look at where we want to be in life and take the steps to get there. We become a lot closer to actualising our potential.

But wait! Something still doesn't quite sit right for us. Isn't this all a bit of a sham? Surely this can't really be us? We're the weedy, geeky guys who got picked on at school and who women only ever wanted to be friends with. Aren't we just faking all this?

These insecurities are very common and they are the result of something lacking in human psychology - the ability to see ourselves as we really are now. Does this resonate with you?

Our view of ourself is formed slowly throughout our childhood and adolescence and takes a long time to become complete. Like many aspects of our minds though, once formed it is not always easy to change. We change on the outside but on the inside we still see ourselves as we were. This is the essence of inner game really: our perception of ourself.

I was in the gym recently and it suddenly occurred to me that I was lifting heavier weights than a lot of guys in there and getting more built than a lot of them. Looking back, this had been the case for some time but I never really realised it because my perception of myself in terms of exercise was as the skinny guy who used to go and work out in a gym full of bouncers and bodybuilders. I had changed on the outside some time ago but it had taken a while for my perception to change with it. This is a small example but one that represents a lot of what underlies our ongoing fears and insecurities when we do make changes for the better.

So if, like a lot of people, you have made changes but still feel like you aren't quite there, ask yourself if your self-image is accurate or rooted in the past. Look at your life from someone else's perspective. How would they perceive you. This is something that's troubled me recently. People think I have this ideal life and some say they wish they were like me, but in some ways I still had my old self-image lingering. It's taken a while and a fair amount of conscious evaluation to come to the point where I see that actually I am someone worth emulating now. I am starting to feel like the real deal rather than someone putting on a good act. As a result I now have true confidence and feel far more able to achieve other goals in life. Needless to say one of the benefits of that has been that women have come flocking as well.

So the moral of all this is twofold. First of all, make the changes you need to make. All the 'inner game work' like self-affirmations and other related psychobabble will not work if you know that deep down you are a lazy waster. You must actually make those changes to become worthy of strong inner game. Secondly, when the changes have been made, stop seeing yourself as you were. Listen to other people's compliments and evaluate your life objectively. There will almost always be room for improvement but you will see that the changes you have made are genuine and that really, there is no such thing as faking it. You are who you are at this moment and if that is your best self, then congratulations. Everyhting that has gone before that is irrelevant now. Enjoy it!

Very good article, ultimately you wanna be the good guy, you don't have to be the master PUA to have great success with women. You just gotta be your best self, be on your path, be constantly improving your life, and you'll be well on our way. Everything will start to click, all these frustrations will women will like magic, go away. But to get to this stage, it usually tends to be a slowly process, this goes beyond any fancy line, and tactics. This is weaving and solidifying a strong mental foundation, a mature core. This alone, women will flock to you. Good luck.

great great article, really enjoyed this one.

The "scent of a loser" clings after the loser himself has departed.

One practical way I have of getting over this faster– inspired by Tony Robbins– is basically listing the beliefs I have about myself and then creating new ones based on real life instances.

For example, the belief "I'm sexy". When I say that I'm half unsure. But I made a list of 20 women in the last four years who have basically let me know they are sexually interested in me, at night I think about this list (DO NOT MAKE THAT JOKE, I KNOW YOU WANT TO!!) and replay the events in my mind and think, "Damn, each one of these women really wanted me and let me know it. I must be pretty sexually attractive to them." And maybe slowly I'll begin to believe that I'm sexy.

Plus I no longer care about seeing things objectively anymore inasfar as self-limiting/self-actualizing beliefs go, I'm willing to have a self image that is a bit too in the positive because who really cares or knows, as long as I'm not looney with it, itll be good.

Cheers

As Eckhart Tolle says: you are not your story.