It's been about a month since the break-up. We were together over 2 years. She tried cheating on me (got drunk and tried going home with someone until friends prevented her) and I dumped her. She claims she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing.. whatever.

No contact for 4 days or so. Then I caved in. (She had been calling and texting).

Since then, we still haven't had one decent talk. Things weren't right leading up the the cheating event. She had withdrawn...spent more and more time with her new friends... and oddly enough, more and more time reading at Starbucks. To the tune of 3 books or more a week. She was spending her life at Starbucks.

And she is hot. ANd I know guys would always be approaching her.

Anyhow, my issues are these...

(a) We have had no contact for about 3 days now. It wasn't planned. She hasn't texted since her last "I love you" and I haven;t responded.

(b) I know the Starbucks where she hangs out a lot. It is right next to a bookstore where I sarge a lot, and I can't help but drive past there and look over at her as I drive by (she can't see my). I do this about 3 times a week, most recently tonight. A guy was sitting with her (she seemed to be reading a he was trying to talk to her).

I need to stop driving by. I need to stop thinking about her. Advice???

My last serious gf moved back home (4 hours away) when we broke up, and I have never had a serous relationship break up where the girl was in the same city afterwards.

I am keeping an approach journal on the main page... in the last month, 18 approaches and 5 numbers. I've hooked up with a chick and been on 2 dates with new girls. But I still pine for the ex. The new girls don't measure up.

Advice?

Sounds to me like you just wanted to whine about this girl. You said in the title what to do. So what if its hard. Do it. The way forward is what? Forward. You know what to do, you just want some hand holding and coddling and pats on the back. Man up. Suck it up. Deal. I came to this forum expecting good advice on game in this mature forum, not grown men half crying over *****es on the internet.

Take it easy, Warrior. We're men no doubt but we're not made of iron. We're here to help. And the Mature Men's forum isn't just about "gaming" it's about being a better MAN in general. If you want to hear goofy stories on "game" then stay in the regular discussion area.

Tihash, you've been good keeping no contact. That means hopefully she'll realize that what she did to you would be stupid to do to someone else in her next relationship. If you really want to let it go then STOP DRIVING BY where she is.



You're a step ahead if she thinks you've moved on.

Do you want to forgive a potential cheater?

Time..... Yes that magic ingredient. Sounds like too much focusing on what the ex is doing and not enough focus on yourself. Be selfish for a bit, do what you want. Otherwise find some new hobbies or refocus on the things you have been neglecting. Breaking up is never easy but even worse if you keep your focus on the ex.

Here's what you need to do. Make a list of all your oneitis's negative qualities. Right them all down, then spend 15 minutes thinking about them and thinking about her. Do this twice a day for a week. It will become ingrained.

For the next week after that, maybe do it once a week. From here on out, when you think of your ex, automatically all those negative feelings should come to the fore front.

Right now, your mind is naturally focussing on the good times with her and the more you think of her, the more it reinforces it and as a result you miss her more.

This is a battle with your mind, you have to train your mind to think otherwise.

Good luck tihash, listen to these men they all know what they're saying (well most of them anyways , ThunderMaverick's gone through it and he has an excellent post, I think it's title obliterated all contact with ex, and then there's another one called the ultimate break up guide by someone else. They help a lot, but it is ultimately up to you to take charge of this situation.

It's really hard to do, if feels like a million needles are piercing your heart, but I am pretty sure you can do it. Good luck again and stay strong

Wait 3 weeks with no contact, then call her and tell her you got your new girlfriend pregnant and you're going to be a daddy ....

she will change her number and you won't hear from her again, it's like pulling off a bandaid, but trust me it works

:crazy:

Metro3pilot said:

Wait 3 weeks with no contact, then call her and tell her you got your new girlfriend pregnant and you're going to be a daddy ....

she will change her number and you won't hear from her again, it's like pulling off a bandaid, but trust me it works

:crazy:

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haha thats a good one. it won't however change his feelings for her, it will ensure that she doesn't take him back though.

when you broke up with her, was this more of a move made out of anger?

do you question your reasons for breaking up with her being valid?

though at this point these questions are irrelevant, i think to better understand how you are currently feeling they arent.

Were you sarging or cheated even potentially while you two were together?

She's not the one, man. Wake up.

There's nothing anyone can SAY to snap you out of it. Verbal/written langauge is interpreted by the mind, and it's your mind, or rather your ego, that's in control of the situation now. It's not exactly an unbiased listener.

You seriously need to find something to do with yourself. If you're not in the mood to go chasing other tail just yet, find yourself an intense hobby to take your mind off of her. You may not be able to fight what you THINK (still wanting to make things work to save your self-image), but you CAN control what you DO.

Stop driving by the coffee shop and hit the rock gym or something instead.

It's NOT hard. You just haven't learned to do it yet...or are trying to convince yourself not to.

Spin more plates. If you had other irons in the fire you'd never have started this thread. You pine away for her because you are optionless. You need a proper distraction (and preferably 3 or 4). It's not about this particular woman, it's about your own self-perception and confidence in generating new intimate interests.

I read something once that really helped:

I've never met anyone who truly wanted his or her ex back. More likely you want an ideal version of your ex, without the traits that made the relationship end in the first place.

Its your responsibility to break emotionally from the other person, not the other person's responsibility to free you.

Rollo Tomassi said:

Spin more plates. If you had other irons in the fire you'd never have started this thread. You pine away for her because you are optionless. You need a proper distraction (and preferably 3 or 4). It's not about this particular woman, it's about your own self-perception and confidence in generating new intimate interests.

Click to expand...

:thumbs up:

It is not HER that alarms you. It is rather finding another HER.

If you perceived women like HER are in ABUNDANCE to you, this pedestalling would not exist.

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

ALWAYS

Have options OR the ability to attain options.

This is your mental LEVERAGE.

If you stay in contact with her you won't get better for a long long time. In fact, you would run the risk of totally losing Yourself. The time to make a stand is NOW. You are doing unhealthy things. I would pick up the book Co-dependent no more.

Thank you to everyone for their advice. I think, obviously, the war is in my mind.

My plan is going to be:

-- no contact
-- no drive-bys
-- concerted effort to sarge (I have had modest success so far)
-- keep going to the gym
-- make the list of her bad qualities and read through it 2x day


If I screw up, I will need to do extra sarging (like going out on a night I don't feel like it) or hitting the gym extra hard the next day.

Thanks again for the support.

the list of bad qualities to read through each day should help alot.

3countriesPlan said:

the list of bad qualities to read through each day should help alot.

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maybe a list of qualities that you are looking for in a women, might help when the next one rolls around.

Rollo Tomassi said:

If you had other irons in the fire you'd never have started this thread. You pine away for her because you are optionless.

Click to expand...

This is where I disagree. You can still have options, but still miss an ex. When my ex broke up with me, I hooked up with(dated and f*cked) a handful of chix thereafter, but it still did nothing to stop me from thinking about my ex.

There will ALWAYS be ONE girl who stands out from the many.

edger said:

This is where I disagree. You can still have options, but still miss an ex. When my ex broke up with me, I hooked up with(dated and f*cked) a handful of chix thereafter, but it still did nothing to stop me from thinking about my ex.

Click to expand...

I agree. Just spinning plates won't get you out of this pickle. In fact I believe it's counterproductive until you have processed your emotions. What we need to do in a situation like this is learn about ourselves, take stock, and figure out what happened so that we recognize our own roles (as well as theirs) that led to such dysfunction.