What is an AFC?

frivolousz21 · Mar 21, 2008

Id like to get everyones idea's on this...

a few things I have noticed in myself compared to my male friends.

last night I was at applebees....two of my friends where there..

both single....27 and 29 years old....both are huge needy *****es...they are talking to a couple of girls...one was a bytch and drunk...and was like your buddy 1 and buddy 2.....like disrespecting these grown men. she said your buddy 3..I said no, I am the guy that wouldn't sleep with you.

she was like wow..and bounced..my friends were so mad at me.

I thought about it and I was probably a little over the top..but girl was completely disrespecting me..thats to bad...no one is going to talk to me like that the first time I see them.

at the same time I am dating a girl who Ive said I talk on the telephone a ton...and Now Ive seen her 5 times..she is head over heels for me in three weeks...my friends call me a pyssy for my behavior. However this is in no way of me being a weak and needy..this is me dominating this situation, enjoying it, and reciprocating her infactuation towards me.

I talk to her a lot, I talk to her when I make time around the things I do, and I break her back in bed, stimulate her mind, and make her feel good when I hug and kiss her.

when she said I better be able to back up my talk about sex....I just said wait and see....the next night I fycked her like she has never been.

the deal is...I know from my readings here that I am breaking rules...however in my mind I know that I just living and having fun and experiencing great emotions..I know things always change and if this particular women isn't the one for me...then I will move on and see what else is out there.

where do we draw the line between rules and what is real...its unreasonable for me to try to play games with this situation....

I know I am a confident, ****y, funny, cool guy that is interesting and grab a womens lust and heart.

so again..do breaking rules make us afc?

or do our ACTIONS MAKE US AFC?

I ask because my friends who are lonly and miserable rip me a new ******* because I have broken all of my DJ rules..yet I am still the desirable chip to these women out here

Rollo Tomassi · Mar 21, 2008

Quoting myself here:

Rollo Tomassi said:
I've been grinding my teeth here at the high concentration of blatantly AFC mind-sets I've been reading. Threads like "Found the perfect ONE" or "Spinning Plates and the ONE that might get away" are making me ill. I realize we have a new crop of regular posters to the Mature Men's board, but I'm seeing a lot of misinformation being bandied around and pitiful excuses for suck-up behaviors that are the direct result of abandoning the PRIZE mentality that is so necessary not only for personal success with women, but also their overall betterment in life.

This last week has allowed me to make some progress on the book I'm currently writing, and in response to this epidemic I'm going to post my outline of the qualities that define an AFC. 90% of the crap I'm reading here lately can be traced directly to these elements. Bear in mind that all of these are indicative behaviors and mental schemas that define a person as an AFC. Please feel free to debate and ad any that I've missed.

Qualities of an AFC

ONEitis – First and foremost.

Subscribes to feminine idealizations.

Supplication. She must increase, so he must decrease, regardless of how subtly this is realized.

The Savior Schema –reciprocation of intimacy for problems solved.

The Martyr Schema – the more you sacrifice the more it shows devotion.

The ‘Friends’ Debt – LJBF and the pseudo-friendship method.

Primarily relies on dating and social skills (or lack thereof) developed during puberty and early adulthood

A behavioral history that illustrates a mental attitude of ‘serial monogamy’ and the realated inscurities that accompany it.

A belief that women infallibly and consciously recognize what they want, and honestly convey this to them, irrespective of behaviors that contradict this. Uses deductive reasoning in determining intent and bases female motivations on statements rather than objectively observing behavior.

Believes in the Identification Myth. The more alike he is, or can make himself, with his idealized female the better able he will be to attract and secure her intimacy. Believes that shared common interests are the ONLY key to attraction and enduring intimacy.

Believes and practices the “not like other guys” doctrine, even under the condition of anonymity.

Considers LDRs a viable option for prolonged intimacy.

Maintain an internalized belief in the qualifications and characterizations of women that coincide with his ability (or inability) to attract them. Ergo, he self-confirms the “ she’s out of my league” and the “she’s a loose slut” mentalities on-the-fly to reinforce his position for his given conditions.

Harbors irrational (often socially reinforced) fears of long term solitude and alters his mind-set to accommodate or settle for a less than optimal short term relationship – often with life long consequences.

The AFC will confirm a belief in egalitarian equality between the genders without consideration for variance between the genders. Ergo, men make perfectly acceptable feminine models and women make perfectly acceptable masculine models. Due to societal pressures he unconsciously self-confirms androgyny as a goal state.

frivolousz21 · Mar 21, 2008

thanks Rollo..thats great stuff you put together there.

and very true..

I remember when I was like that long ago..wow

Colossus · Mar 21, 2008

There have been a number of threads on this exact topic in the past.

The short of it is, you only break rules which you set for yourself. There are a LOT of things that make up an AFC. Some guys are moderate cases and others have full-blown AFCism. It may be time to reevaluate your rules.

At any rate, your friends sound like desperate chumps. No offense. I thought your retort to that slampig was hilarious. I will definitely remember that one.

frivolousz21 · Mar 21, 2008

Colossus said:
There have been a number of threads on this exact topic in the past.

The short of it is, you only break rules which you set for yourself. There are a LOT of things that make up an AFC. Some guys are moderate cases and others have full-blown AFCism. It may be time to reevaluate your rules.

At any rate, your friends sound like desperate chumps. No offense. I thought your retort to that slampig was hilarious. I will definitely remember that one.

I have tried for so long to help....I dont get it...Ive told them to come here...

one of them is model looking....and every women he dates walks all over him...

as far my situation..I suppose I just need to always make sure she is emotionally and physically attached and stimulated by me.

believe me I know what I am doing....now that I have something on the line and that is the risk I put out there by letting myself become attached..I want to make sure I do not change my thought process

Colossus · Mar 21, 2008

As sort of a reciprocal addendum, i will add the following:

What makes a Don Juan, in a nutshell

A DJ realizes that there is ALWAYS another. A DJ spins plates and is vigilantly aware of the wretched disease ONEitis, because he has experienced it before.

A DJ will NEVER tolerate any serious or intentional disrespect from a woman. He walks away, no questions asked. A DJ treats all people with respect until reason demands otherwise.

A DJ understands the language of women. He knows that they are INDIRECT communicators, that they are sexual creatures just like he is, and that NONE of them are plated in gold.

A DJ has a balanced life. His energies are divided between work, leisure, women, and friends/family. Women are only ONE facet of life.

A DJ knows himself, and his confidence exudes from this. He seeks knowledge, experience, and wisdom.

A DJ makes every effort to not take anything personally, avoid assumptions, and be true to his word. He forgives himself, and he forgives others.

Strive to live these attributes and you'll be ok.

STR8UP · Mar 21, 2008

Colossus said:
A DJ realizes that there is ALWAYS another. A DJ spins plates and is vigilantly aware of the wretched disease ONEitis, because he has experienced it before.

I agree with the first sentence, but I believe the second sentence can be misleading.

Spinning plates is a means to an end. It's about reassurance that you have "options". But you don't HAVE to spin plates to know you have options, and you don't HAVE to spin plates to be a DJ.

As long as you are conscious enough to never let one woman CONTROL you, it doesn't matter if you have zero women, one woman, or ten, it's all about understanding your value as a man.

azanon · Mar 21, 2008

Colossus said:
A DJ makes every effort to not take anything personally, avoid assumptions, and be true to his word. He forgives himself, and he forgives others.

IMO, these types of things begin to step outside of what DJism deals with.

The impression I get from having read the DJ bible, and just participating on this forum, is that "this" is all specifically about learning techniques to be effective with women, and to be happy while doing it. We're talking about something specific here. If you want to address overall happiness, you probably should supplement some of the things you learn here with a variety of other philosophical topics completely unrelated to DJ'ism

Dealing with your quote I listed above, some things that will inevitably be directed at you are intended to be personal, so if you don't take it personally, you had a perception problem. It's your reaction to these personal things that will give testament to your confidence (or lack thereof). Personally, I don't recommend the outright denial route (aka not taking something personal that was intended to be personal).

Assumptions aren't always bad either. There's nothing wrong with filling in the blanks if you believe you have reasonable enough proof to do so. Assumptions can also include, "assuming the best" - which is often a healthy thing.

Being true to your word is a cliche to me, and just isn't always the best way to go. You give your word at a given point and time, and then later ...... things/circumstances change. Honesty/Benevolence is more often than not overrated, given that we all live in a dog-eat-dog world. I'm not saying to be evil here rather that I'm saying don't knock something till you've tried it. I'd recommend keeping your options open if you can live with yourself and be happy after exercising said option.

Colossus · Mar 21, 2008

^^^

My opinion of plate spinning has changed in the last 6 months. True, it is a means to an end; but to me that end is experience.

Experience does not always produce wisdom, but wisdom ALWAYS comes from experience.

You dont HAVE to spin plates to be considered a DJ. Many DJs here are married. To me, as a single young guy, the more interested women i engage, the more i learn. The more i learn, the sharper and more ingrained my game becomes. I dont want to be struggling with this aspect of my life when i am 30, or 40, or whatever. I want to be able to pass on this stuff to my future son; and not mislead him like some AFC plug who married out of convienience or fear of loneliness.

One of the best feelings ever is when you pass on some pearl of wisdom to a young upstart who gets it. When they take what you have learned and apply it to their own life, with action, it makes you feel like it's not all in vain after all.

Nighthawk · Mar 21, 2008

I don't get how calling you 'buddy 1,' 'buddy 2' etc was major disrespect?

Colossus · Mar 21, 2008

azanon said:
IMO, these types of things begin to step outside of what DJism deals with.

The impression I get from having read the DJ bible, and just participating on this forum, is that "this" is all specifically about learning techniques to be effective with women, and to be happy while doing it. We're talking about something specific here. If you want to address overall happiness, you probably should supplement some of the things you learn here with a variety of other philosophical topics completely unrelated to DJ'ism

Dealing with your quote I listed above, some things that will inevitably be directed at you are intended to be personal, so if you don't take it personally, you had a perception problem. It's your reaction to these personal things that will give testament to your confidence (or lack thereof). Personally, I don't recommend the outright denial route (aka not taking something personal that was intended to be personal).

Assumptions aren't always bad either. There's nothing wrong with filling in the blanks if you believe you have reasonable enough proof to do so. Assumptions can also include, "assuming the best" - which is often a healthy thing.

Being true to your word is a cliche to me, and just isn't always the best way to go. You give your word at a given point and time, and then later ...... things/circumstances change. Honesty/Benevolence is more often than not overrated, given that we all live in a dog-eat-dog world. I'm not saying to be evil here rather that I'm saying don't knock something till you've tried it. I'd recommend keeping your options open if you can live with yourself and be happy after exercising said option.

When i say not to take anything personally i mean dont take everything to heart.

If you say to me, "colossus, you are an unethical arrogant ass, and i hope your wife leaves you", i cant take that personally. Even though it was intended to be personal, you are dealing with your own beliefs, agreements, and emotions. If I take what you said to heart, i internalize all that emotional garbage you just sent me, and it becomes mine. I know it's a bit esoteric, but its true.

Now on the flip side, if a girl says to me "i love you with all my heart, and i will never leave you as long as i live. You are amazing!"...that would really feel good. But i cant take that personally either. She is dealing with her own feelings, ideals, and agreements; all of which can change. As long as her actions are congruent with her words, then there is no problem. But as soon as i take what she says personally; internalize it and let it validate me as a man, i give power to her.

Fact of the matter is, there are going to be some things you have to take personally. This is more of guideline to avoid taking in the emotional garbage of others.

We all make assumptions, and sometimes you have to in order to make a decision. But there is a difference between making an informed inference and an outright assumption. The latter is just bad mental habit.

And as far as keeping your word, we are going to say things and not follow through with them. Its just life. IMO being a DJ is about more than just being successful with women, because in pursuit of this you inevitably have to improve yourself as a whole. I dont think most people realize the power of their word. It can create, edify, and preserve...or utterly destroy. When I say be true to your word, i mean make every effort to let what you say reflect your intent and follow through with it. I am a pragmatist, not an idealist. There are going to be times when reason deems you retract on your word and choose a better option. But i think a DJ should do his best to honor his word, or not make the agreement. Ambiguity is a feminine trait.

guru1000 · Mar 22, 2008

azanon said:
Dealing with your quote I listed above, some things that will inevitably be directed at you are intended to be personal, so if you don't take it personally, you had a perception problem. It's your reaction to these personal things that will give testament to your confidence (or lack thereof). Personally, I don't recommend the outright denial route (aka not taking something personal that was intended to be personal).

Click to expand...

To take an event "PERSONALLY" means to give POWER to that event. It is not a PERCEPTION problem. It is a PERSPECTIVE ADVANTAGE. To CONTROL your emotions or feelings of an event shows you have CONTROL over yourself. This is what being a MAN is. A MAN is always a DJ but a DJ is not always a MAN.

Your REACTION does not give testament to your confidence. It is rather a positive outcome to your RESPONSE of the event that builds genuine confidence.

Assumptions aren't always bad either. There's nothing wrong with filling in the blanks if you believe you have reasonable enough proof to do so. Assumptions can also include, "assuming the best" - which is often a healthy thing.

Click to expand...

Assumption or "something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof" can be an advantage if applied to eliminate self-imposed limiting beliefs.

I am handsome.
I am successful.
I am ambitious.
I am strong.
I will perservere.
I will WIN.

Being true to your word is a cliche to me, and just isn't always the best way to go. You give your word at a given point and time, and then later ...... things/circumstances change. Honesty/Benevolence is more often than not overrated, given that we all live in a dog-eat-dog world. I'm not saying to be evil here rather that I'm saying don't knock something till you've tried it. I'd recommend keeping your options open if you can live with yourself and be happy after exercising said option

Click to expand...

If you don't have your integrity or WORD, what do you have?

Where I come from, a MAN always keeps his word.

If your words are of no MERIT, than neither are you.

decades · Mar 23, 2008

It depends if you are "acting" with this chick or not, or if you are truthfully giving emotionally. It also depends if she is. If you are the actor, then you probably have some sociopathic tendencies, and you will do "fine" ;-). If you aren't acting, then you Are moving way too fast, are getting drawn in, getting very attached very early, and you Won't escape to your next conquest without pain, perhaps considerable. Aint gonna happen. I hope you don't have high hopes for this current relationship because imo, it's peaked, and is all Downhill from here. That's what happens when you move this fast.

“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”

What is an AFC?

frivolousz21

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Rollo Tomassi

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frivolousz21

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Colossus

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frivolousz21

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STR8UP

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azanon

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Colossus

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Nighthawk

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Colossus

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guru1000

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decades

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