Alright the thread with the super AFC ex husband still in the scene and this reply got me thinking

Colossus said:

You say you are not pulling "AFC crap with her", but you are dating a woman who sees her ex-husband on a weekly basis. Read that sentence again. You posted about this becasue something doesnt seem right. Regardless of whether or not he is a beta or in the eternal friend zone, dont delude yourself. A lot of women still talk to their exes, and the degree to which you will tolerate that is up to you; but the end is always in the beginning, if you look for it.

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How would a DJ handle a scenario? Do you do it by setting the standards when your dating, if so how do you set the standards, what are the standards?

More importantly when you find out that an ex is still in the picture, should you walk away at that point? Let her know that you don't date women that feel the need to keep their ex's in the picture, then give the ex's are ex's for a reason speech. Which will be followed by the need to be friends speech. Which could be followed up by, and thats your decision and I'm fine with that, I'm not asking you to change, but its not something that I find acceptable, so I'm walking away.

What would you recommend?

ps I've never actually come across this scenario personally.

if she has kids with him, then there relationship has to be what it is..infact its probably a good idea to be-friend him or be cool since you would around his kids.


if no kids...well I don't know..I wouldn't really like

Follow your gut. Does it feel like you are being Triangulated?

Xs in the picture, except for the minimum amount of contact when kids are involved, is ordinarily a bad sign. My boundary is crossed by A GF who sees her X on a regular basis. That's why they are called X.

How would I handle it? I'd do a couple of things.

I would not ask about it. Have fun during the early stages of relationship. As things get more and more serious, and I found out she was "friends" with an ex-boyfriend, I'd look myself in the mirror and ask myself if I could handle it. If I ever got even a little bit jealous, I'd probably walk away because that is no way to be in a relationship. It sucks.

I don't like the exes being in the picture. Shows low self esteem to me. During the beginning of the relationship, she can do what she wants to, as long as she doesn't tell me. I will do the same.

I personally will not engage in a serious relationship with a woman who regularly talks to her ex. If she had kids with said ex, then courteous and civil communication is necessary...but i dont date women with kids anyway so that's not an issue.

I dont care if they are on good terms, bad terms, "in-limbo" terms or whatever; it's just not a situation a self-respecting Man should put himself in. I am not one of those people who believe in "being friends" with an ex. When it's over, it's over. Being friendly and polite is one thing, but "friends"? No. I didnt want to be friends with her in the first place.

It kills me when i see a buddy break up with his girl and get reeled into the "lets stay friends" trap. It just prolongs the inevitable. They usually end up fvcking, then one or both parties gets hurt again or they get back together. And for the record I have been this guy before. Staying friends is often just an effort to stave off the pain of complete separtion, and usually ends up in a relapse.

I won't even mess around with that bullsh!t anymore.

No matter how hot the girl is if she wants to keep her ex in her life in any way shape or form she can do that but I will not stick around.

The greatest lesson in a DJ's life I believe is that you can only control yourself and what you do, not another person and besides this non caring attitude where you will walk right away and not cling to some chick even if you have a connection with her is usually what gets that chick or any running back to you doing what you want anyway.

speed dawg said:

If I ever got even a little bit jealous.

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What does jealousy have to do with it?

I've gotten burned by this and i wasn't even jealous or knew they still talked. Just one morning i get a txt msg saying she's going to vermont to see her ex.

Ok, see ya.

Of course she comes back and begins to beg and says she made a mistake blah blah blah and she's a stupid young girl.. she begs for weeks.

And now every time she breaks up with her current bf (4 times and counting now! poor sucker), she starts sniffing around me for sex again. I've yet to cave! I outright tell her her boyfriend is a fvcking idiot for dating her and she still tries to stay in touch with me. So much for learning her lesson about staying friends with exes.

No way will future gfs be actual friends with exes. I don't care about cordial contact too much but long AIM conversations, txt msgs back and forth, and hanging out hell no. I have about zip desire to hang out with my exes other than the childish wish to rub it in their faces that i'm much more awesome than i used to be.

I'd just tell her that I view as an issue of respect of our relationship, and then if she has problems with it and continues it I would fvck buddy status her and start lookin' around for an upgrade. I've just noticed that women who really treasure being with you will do damn near anything to sustain that.

Colossus said:

I dont care if they are on good terms, bad terms, "in-limbo" terms or whatever; it's just not a situation a self-respecting Man should put himself in. I am not one of those people who believe in "being friends" with an ex. When it's over, it's over. Being friendly and polite is one thing, but "friends"? No. I didnt want to be friends with her in the first place.

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You are spot on.

I've been in this type of situation where the plate I was spinning had, as she put it, "most of her ex's" still in the picture. I knew that she could tell I was getting annoyed every time she'd reminisce about her recent ex. I had to stop spinning that plate right afterwards.

Ex's in the picture is just another form of indecisiveness and emotional baggage. I only ask myself one question in these scenarios, "Do I really have room in my life for her baggage?"

MacAvoy said:

Alright the thread with the super AFC ex husband still in the scene and this reply got me thinking



How would a DJ handle a scenario? Do you do it by setting the standards when your dating, if so how do you set the standards, what are the standards?

More importantly when you find out that an ex is still in the picture, should you walk away at that point? Let her know that you don't date women that feel the need to keep their ex's in the picture, then give the ex's are ex's for a reason speech. Which will be followed by the need to be friends speech. Which could be followed up by, and thats your decision and I'm fine with that, I'm not asking you to change, but its not something that I find acceptable, so I'm walking away.

What would you recommend?

ps I've never actually come across this scenario personally.

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If there children in the picture...there is NO way around that. They MUST deal with their ex-husbands.

frivolousz21 said:

if she has kids with him, then there relationship has to be what it is..infact its probably a good idea to be-friend him or be cool since you would around his kids.


if no kids...well I don't know..I wouldn't really like

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You don't have to befriend him. You don't even have to deal with him. You just have to be civil.

Colossus said:

I personally will not engage in a serious relationship with a woman who regularly talks to her ex. If she had kids with said ex, then courteous and civil communication is necessary...but i dont date women with kids anyway so that's not an issue.

I dont care if they are on good terms, bad terms, "in-limbo" terms or whatever; it's just not a situation a self-respecting Man should put himself in. I am not one of those people who believe in "being friends" with an ex. When it's over, it's over. Being friendly and polite is one thing, but "friends"? No. I didnt want to be friends with her in the first place.

It kills me when i see a buddy break up with his girl and get reeled into the "lets stay friends" trap. It just prolongs the inevitable. They usually end up fvcking, then one or both parties gets hurt again or they get back together. And for the record I have been this guy before. Staying friends is often just an effort to stave off the pain of complete separtion, and usually ends up in a relapse.

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i don't disagree. same reason i stay away from single mothers.

To clarify, I meant if there were no kids in the picture, its pretty obvious that they has to be contact with an ex when there are kids invovled.

Never never never. Thats how I would deal with it. This actually reminds of this thought I had about Ex's and the effect it has on future relationships. you will have to check my new thread to find out tho! haha