In learning and reading a lot on what it takes to become a DJ and get over beta-ness, I have realized that a lot of my AFC nature is/was reinforced by the music I listen to, movies, and other things in popular culture.

Take for example the song "Car" by Built to Spill. Now, I have nothing against this band, they are a good band. But at least for my last IP, this song resembled what I wanted to convey to women, I thought it somehow signaled the kind of love and relationship I wanted:

The lyrics:

You get the car,
I'll get the night off.
You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works.
Don't let me know what you find out.

I need a car
You need a guide who needs a map.
If I don't die or worse, I'm gonna need a nap.
At best, I'll be asleep when you get back.

I wanna see it
when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about.
I wanna see their
faces turn to backs of heads and slowly get smaller.

I wanna see it, now.
I wanna see it now

I want specifics on
the general idea.
I wanna think what I should know.
Want you to do me what to show.

I wanna see movies of my dreams.
I wanna see movies of my dreams.
I wanna see movies of my dreams.
I wanna see movies of my dreams.

I wanna see it
when you get stoned on a cloudy, breezy desert afternoon.
I wanna see it
un-tame itself and break its owner.

I wanna see it, now.
I wanna see it now.

While there are certainly different readings of this song, I see it as the AFC guy wanting to believe his IP will come around (he wants to "see it" happen in various ways) and the girl/object appears largely unresponsive to the request. He even goes so far to say he wants her to shape the way he thinks and acts. The "I wanna see movies of my dreams" conveys too a desire to have one's dreams delivered to them, instead of going out and making them a reality.

In retrospect, this message is bull****. This kind of thing perpetuates the idea the the "nice guy" can get the girl if he's sensitive/true, etc. I never realized how ingrained AFC-ness can get, but this site is showing me the other perspective.

Thoughts?

emo music is very beta.

Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston is the most AFC song you will ever listen to.

Its horrible.

AFCery is propped up as noble and heroic by Hollywood, feminists, the mainstream media, todays music and the daytime talk shows.

In other words to quote Roddy Piper's character from the movie "They Live" about the purveyors of AFCism...

"They're everywhere!"

How to escape its brainwashing in the new music you'll listen to from this point on in your journey to become a DJ?

Look for songs that speak strongly about positivity, masculinity ie being a man, individuality, personal power and things of that nature.

Avoid songs like the one you posted the lyrics to and the Sean Kingston song I brought up as they are mind rot and a form of self hypnotism to listen to which can re-inforce AFC ideals you are trying to get rid of.

To get you started on a new musical journey I strongly recommend you go through KarmaSutra's post history and check out some of the bands he's listed as awesome in various music threads.

For myself I'll say that some good songs to listen to while transforming into a DJ are most of the stuff by the band "Rise Against" not to be confused with the political band "Rage Against the Machine" though they are quite good as well but anyway for the Rise Against songs I think you should start listening to first I recommend the songs "The Good Left Undone" and "Ready to Fall".

Listening to them really gets you going in the morning or at least it does for me.

And a more thoughtful contemplative song about the nature of yourself as a human being is 46&2 by the band "Tool".

Its also a song about changing which can be applied heavily to the changing from AFC to DJ.

I keep hearing that Phuil Collins song, Against All Odds.


As good as this song is musically, and true...these lyrics are heartfelt. Im not one to deny soemone;s feelings, and deny theri expereince, but you just have to get a deeper look att he mindset from which these words come from.

This song has that typical "Im not good enough" "Woe is me". "Im so lonely", "Please understand me" kind of mindset that so many men grow up thinking it is NORMAL. In the sense that it is a good thing to feel, and want to CONVEY to women.

"Please feel sorry for me, that way you can come back to me because you feel SORRY for me.""

WTF???!

A Man says these things?


It s not . It is learned behavior.

One that is disempowering to yourself. And only distances women furhter from your life.

Look, Ill be honest. Romance and romantic notions are tender. To be truly deeply Understood is a warm and good notion. People want to be loved, and seen, and WITNESSED and RECOGNIZED.

Its true.

People want someone to RECOGNIZE and WITNESS their Lives in Progress, and their Past, and hopefully their FUTURE.
To make experiences TOGETHER, and FEEL WHO they are within this context of a relationshiop.

They come from goodness, NOT evil.
But man, think about it. Isnt Love and Romance supposed to be empowering lovely things?
Isnt having a good life the purpose we seek?

So of course, if your life SUCKS, and you meet someone that makes you happy, and then you 'lose' them..what is LEFT??

If your life sucked to begin with, damn..you are REALLY going to feel that Pain, man.

You will sink even deeper.
Because you werent that strong enough or happy in your life to begin with.

Let this stuff be a warning to those who are discovering this, and recovering themselves.
Truth is, it just seems that Men have a narrower margin for error. And instead of going the to the other end of the spectrum or running away from it, or BLAMING Women, embrace it and change your concept of these things so that it IS good for YOU and YOUR WOMAN


Against All Odds by Phil Collins
How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now

Another bad conception is the one seem in movies where a guy "loves" a woman and begs her to go back. Then, she gets all emotional and says YES.

In which case, if any, this would be successful?

*It´s funny that in MOST movies, the one who has the power is the woman. The guy is always the one who begs.

These songs sell very well. WHY?

Because the majority of the public are AFC. So when they sing, they hit home for alot of these guys.

When you market, you are targeting and selling to the herd mentality. This is the MATRIX and the herd can make you millions.

Here is how the gurus on Wall Street operate, "Buy when the herd sells. Sell when the herd buys." Very much the anti-matrix IDEAL that truly profits.

The singers, politicians, financial giants, market gurus all have one thing in common. They know how to manipulate the herd.

Good point Interceptor. Take it from a guy who grew up idolizing Morrissey. The guy has a great voice (in my opinion) writes fantastic lyrics, and that's the lens I saw my life through, songs about alienation, loneliness, poor self-image, etc. I still like him but it's tough to reconcile what I used to relate to to my new values. That music means a lot to me, but it's not where I am anymore.

The song you quoted from, and I've listened to lots and lots and lots of music, is typical. Girl is queen, man is serf at her feet, and the whole point of the songs are literally begging for external validation. It's tough. The songs I grew up listening to are like family in a way. I'm sure it's why I listen to more instrumentals now than anything. Most lyrics in music are about problems, heartbreak, negativity. And the ones that are positive and uplifting tend to come off as cheezy and unrealistic. It's a balance.