*sigh*
I have been out of my last LTR for about 5 or 6 months and I was fine for awhile but now I cant stop thinking about and missing my ex. Even though I am dating and been having sex with another ex girlfriend i feel a little empty these days. I actually shudder at the idea i will never be with her again.

what can i do to get rid of this feeling? I tried sex with other girls, I tried not ever talking to her, I even got a new puppy to keep me busy and I still miss the dumb b1tch.

Also, on a side note, anyone have issues with being too serious about relationships? Looking back on my life, all my relationships end in the same stupid ways. I really become a jerk off by being mad all the time and way too agressive in trying to keep things together when it shows signs of falling apart. Anyone ever find ways to cure this syndrome?

Bobby-

that sounds a lot like me.

your at the point of:


1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.
2. something that elicits or displays nostalgia.



we forget the bad and think of the good.

you see Ive missed my X some..but I wasnt thinking about her now..I was thinking about us at the beggening of the whirldwind romance.

that will pass in time...

just take sometime for yourself to regroup and re-engergize

BobFuest said:

Also, on a side note, anyone have issues with being too serious about relationships? Looking back on my life, all my relationships end in the same stupid ways. I really become a jerk off by being mad all the time and way too agressive in trying to keep things together when it shows signs of falling apart. Anyone ever find ways to cure this syndrome?

Click to expand...

I have this issue. I find it co-incides with my urge to get with "hard luck" cases.

fromNBtoOB said:

I have this issue. I find it co-incides with my urge to get with "hard luck" cases.

Click to expand...

hmmm.... you know, i have that same urge. Its like trying to save the world, one fvcked up girl at a time.

This is due to your low Self Esteem.
And directly tied to your EGO.

Bascically, what you are missiing are the feelings of your EGO being gratified.
Since she and you pooled your resources together, now that shes gone, you feel the loss too strongly, and believed you had or possessed HER Resources, but you didnt.
You only thought you did.

Brak ups like these are always harder for people who have holes in their Personal Boundary.
And they begin to think that what is inside of their partner's (now pooled with yours) personal boundary, her resources, BELONGS TO YOU.


This is what you are feeling.

But you do not possess and never will POSSESS anyone's resources.

And you cannot grow so weak that if her resources are taken away, and like a drug, you got hooked to the ego/narcissm high, you will feel WORSE off than before.

SInce you never took care of your TRUE underlying problems, and got hooked, and convinced that your partner 'solved' then FOR YOU, now you are back to square one.
You have LOSS , and REGRET and your internal issues are STILL NOT SOLVED.

If you dont deal with them, andbecome stronger, and patch those holes in your Personal Boundary, you will experience and re experience the same things.


Let go of women 'validating' you.

It will keep you weak.

Let go of thinking that you 'possess' her or anyone.

It will keep you blind and out of touch.

Let go of looking for women to fix your problems for you.

It will keep you dependent.

BobFuest said:

Also, on a side note, anyone have issues with being too serious about relationships?

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:crackup: No, can't say I have. :crackup:

No wait, that's a yes, yes I have. Lol.

That's where the FRUSTRATED part comes from, I think. Low self-esteem guys, female validation=life and death proportions.

The fun is only in the beginning, then you get needy and it becomes... not fun.

Hope you get through it. I am just getting over the oneitis I had with a chick that I never even fvcked, it's been almost five months since I saw her last, and only in the last several weeks have I gotten better. Still think about her. Still miss her/hate her/ try to understand what the point of the experience was. And SHE was coming on the heels of two more girls that I treated as if it were life and death. (BTW each one was the end of the world, yet when the next girl came along, suddenly all the pain regarding the previous girl seemed to vanish, interesting)

I believe, that it was to get me here, to talk to the guys here, to take a serious look at my life. Which I have done/am doing. It hurts for a reason. You don't put your hand in the damn stove no matter how pretty it is or tempting it may be. Thinking that stove won't burn is an illusion. Eventually, you learn not only to not touch the stove, but to see the stove before you get to the point of touching it.

Hope that helped, lol. I know it sucks.

Interceptor said:

And you cannot grow so weak that if her resources are taken away, and like a drug, you got hooked to the ego/narcissm high, you will feel WORSE off than before.

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Slippery slope. This is what happened to me and It felt like dying. Relationships only amplify what we have in us, at the time. If we have strong character, self-esteem, the relationship will bring that out. Insecurity, neediness, you better believe the relationship will bring that out too.

I think the AFC foolishly believes the relationship will FIX that stuff. But it actually makes it WORSE. Get your house in order, FIRST.

Interceptor..........I always enjoy reading your posts. I can always take something of value out of them.

Great thread, and theres been several like these in the past few days. They have really helped me sort out some of the issues ive been dealing with for the past year. Thanks to threads like these I feel more secure and confident in myself. Not saying ive been straightened out, just feel the process actually working.

The main things Im taking from these threads is I have to validate myself because I will never get true validation from other people. It may feel like it, and at times I may actually get some sort of validation from forces outside of myself, but I cant base my own self worth on them.

Im also getting my head around my ego and how I have based alot of my actions on an expected outcome- another thing I have to let go of, I have to start doing things FOR ME.

Thanks you guys for posting about this too. Check out this post by Victory Unlimited as it relates to these same issues. Post By VU

logic1 said:

Interceptor..........I always enjoy reading your posts. I can always take something of value out of them.

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Likewise!

Interceptor said:

Let go of women 'validating' you.

It will keep you weak.

Let go of thinking that you 'possess' her or anyone.

It will keep you blind and out of touch.

Let go of looking for women to fix your problems for you.

It will keep you dependent.

Click to expand...

Heed these words, Bob.

Most of us can relate to this. But if someone has chosen to leave your life, then you must move on. Not letting go of that person, for good, will be an anchor around your neck.

I still miss my ex-gf, especially lately just because of lack of sunshine in other areas of my life. It attacks you when you are weak; when you have nothing you start to fantasize about the joy she brought you, and you forget about the misery. It's tough to just turn those thoughts off.

But let me tell you, in your emotional longing for her you only curse yourself. You let better opportunities pass you by.

Understand that when someone has chosen to leave your life, you must let them go. You are no longer bound to them in any way, shape, or form, other than what you cling to in your mind.

Colossus said:

you start to fantasize about the joy she brought you, and you forget about the misery.

Click to expand...

Great point. Like doc love says, rejection doubles attraction.

great advice and great replies.
Yes i finally let that b1tch go to hell. She talked all week about having sex with me (her idea and she calls me)then stood me up (suppose to be coming to my gig tonight). fvck that. no more taking disrespect or settling. everyone has one chance with me, no more. I need kingly standards if i want to find the king inside.

It will take to half the time you were in the LTR to get over it...

I know what you are going through and time is the answer.

Interceptor, everything you said is EXACTLY right.