Lately I've been seeing myself fall into an AFC rut. Not just socially, but in a general sense, I've been relatively depressed, apathetic and lethargic. I've been sleeping poorly, drinking heavily and becoming lax with my studies. While I try to avoid this site for "dating tips" per se, I've found that a lot of the material available here is motivational on a much much greater scale.

Browsing through the weekly reading guide thinger I came upon this nugget of gold that I felt deserved some scrutiny and praise.

I'm going to tell you a secret. And I guarantee if you've empathized at all, you'll shake your head and say "no way, can't be true". But that's precisely why it's so hard for you to be yourself and succeed while others are themselves and succeed effortlessly.

That person you're trying so hard to be...that's YOU. You ARE that person. You just don't know it yet.

Have you ever stopped to consider how you could so easily come up with an "ideal self"? Why does this person haunt you? This isn't someone that fits with any of your philosophies or head-games or constructs...they just materialized out of thin air inside your head.

Do you know how that person came to be? No, and don't try to figure it out because you won't get an answer. That person is you. The REAL you. And the reason you're so far away from being that person is because you've spent so much energy trying to compete with that person, to be as good as him, that you've spent no time just BEING him.

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A wise man once told me the following bit of wisdom that I try to employ as much as possible. Repeat after me: "Action precedes motivation"

Again. Action precedes motivation

Now stop and think about that for a minute. Do you get motivated by sitting about idly, hoping to be randomly inspired to action? No. Never. The secret to wanting to do things is simple. Go do them.

Forgive the digression, but I feel it's necessary to put out there for what I'm trying to convey. I'm sure many of us have tried the confidence building techniques that some recommend. Visualizing your best self is probably one of the most common. Until recently the concept of this being myself never quite stuck.

I've always envisioned myself (quite humbly I might add) as the motherfvcking man. I'm reasonably tall (6'0"), well built (175lb-ish) and charmingly handsome. I'm smart, witty, clever, the whole shebang. I am a closet geek who, while going hog wild at a party with my friends admits to having a 3.8 GPA. I'm a social butterfly, having friends from all walks of life, knowing virtually everyone on campus. I am the man women adore and other men envy.

I am not yet this man. Yet in order to be him, I must simply act upon what this man would do.

Does my best self sit on his ass watching TV instead of going to the gym?
No, he does so regardless of how little he desires lifting weights.

Does he wallow in self pity about schoolwork, drink a beer and play video games?
No, he mans up, quits complaining and hits the books.

Does he chump out instead of approaching the HB in the cafeteria?
HELL NO. He initiates the set coolly and confidently and proclaims success even if it goes down in flames.

While I am still terribly AFC at times, I recognize that the only thing holding me back is me. On occasion, I'll get depressed and AFC for days. The solution? Quit b!tching and do something. It'll bring more energy, more initiative, more passion for life than anything else can. Don't make excuses, don't sit around waiting for inspiration to come knocking at your door because it will not.

Do the thing and you will have the power.

Very true. A good thing I have been saying to myself recently is:

Objects in motion stay in motion. Objects at rest stay at rest.

We as people are no exception. This reminds me to get off my butt and at least START a project or something, and that is better than nothing. 9 times out of 10, I will get into the project and complete it and feel good. THEN it is good to sit back and reward yourself...but that happens rarely because then I am in motion and keep on kicking ass.

Desert Fox said:

I am in motion and keep on kicking ass.

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Amen. I remember in my darker days a friend once advised me "just do something." Whether it be read a book, beat a video game or finish a goddamm jigsaw puzzle, just do something. Once you take the initiative it can be straight out addictive. If you realize that getting over that hump is the hardest part, 90% of the battle is over.

I do what you won't do today
So I can do what you can't do tomorrow

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Love the sig. Words to live by.

I find myself having the same sorts of issues. It's so easy to just zone out in front of the computer screen playing some video game instead of doing things that need to be done. I've been meaning to get back to a solid workout routine (haven't had one since the summer), and I told myself that this would be the week, but I've put it off since Tuesday.

Getting started really is the hardest part. Once you build up the right momentum, you're unstoppable.

Great post, man!
It's all true as well

Great post indeed. I to want to become as you described.

Excellent Posting My Good Friend

Many people look at the "harvest" of a successful person and form their own internal opinions on how that person got there, but I'll tell you how, if they didn't inherit it that "harvest" came from many SEEDS.

But you have to have the right seeds and plant them in the right fields, then water them, and in time they will grow....some will sprout out JUST LIKE THAT, then some will take a little bit longer to SPROUT OUT, but I can tell you this if you keep watering them you will have a GARDEN.

The successful person is like a farmer, consistently maintaining the garden. Obtaining the SEED isn't as difficult (seed = time, energy, money), finding the correct SOIL isn't as difficult either ( soil = right business opportunity, right people, right town, etc.) the DIFFICULT PART IS MAINTAINING THE GARDEN.

I am a Sales rep, and one of the "famous" sales gurus says that he gives up on a prospect after TWO PHONE CALLS. I laughed to myself, because if I stopped contacting a person after two phone calls I wouldn't be in business.

To maintain the garden you have to keep and store the correct tools, the correct quantity of tools, and keep track of the correct timing, sometimes you should let the EARTH water the garden and sometimes you should run out there and water it....(you have to catch what I meant right there).

Every person can be successful, the only difference between the successful person and the non successful person is not a MBA but who's willing to MAINTAIN THEIR GARDENS THE LONGEST.

-DJF

I would like to add that you have to tend to the seed every day for it to grow. If you don't it will slowly die.