Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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So many times I've been told by people that anger is unhealthy and self-destructive. I've always had trouble buying this idea, and have usually used my anger to fuel something constructive or even change.
A friend of mine (who has been continuously doing self-improvement for years) posted this on another message forum I frequent, and I enjoyed reading it. Seeing an opinion like this is a breath of fresh air and doesn't conform to the way society wants you to think.
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Releasing anger in healthy ways
How we express our anger can be helpful or harmful to us and others. A lot of people think that getting angry is a sign of loss of control, a weakness. But that doesn’t mean that expressing anger is bad. Sometimes we just need to be careful how we unleash it.
Most people try to be good natured. Few people believe that acting out their unbridled anger is a good thing. Finding healthy ways to express our anger can be difficult. But the truth is that we cannot deal with our anger in healthy ways without experiencing it and understanding it first. And we cannot deal with our anger in healthy ways until we acknowledge that it is there and have valid reasons for it.
The book, A Course in Miracles, states that "all anger is an attempt to make someone feel guilty" really hits home with some people. Others think that the teachings about anger in the Course mean that anger is "bad."
Some think that the best way to deal with anger is to put it out of your mind and just "think good thoughts." But that is not dealing with anger, because it stays somewhere deep inside of you until you do deal with it.
Anger is, in fact, a heathy reaction to some situations. One person told me that anger is a blanket that covers our pain. It prevents us from feeling how much we have been hurt.
Anger is a valuable emotional response - as valuable as happiness or grief. It may not be pleasant, but it is essential. How often has anger moved you to make needed changes in your life or helped you to confront someone or something?
Anger may seem bad, but it can be an opening to peace and calm. When the body gets injured it feels pain. The pain is a warning that part of the body needs attention. In the same way, anger can draw attention to problems that need attention. If you don't find a healthy way to express the anger, it can turn inward, making you physically sick or cause you to lash out and doing or saying something you might regret later.
We live in a society that does not understand anger, and certainly doesn't know how to process it. Do we teach our children how to express their anger in a healthy way? I watch my two grandchildren hitting, and slapping each other (neither of which their parents do to them) My daughter pulls them apart and tells them biting and hitting are not good ways to express their anger. My three yr old grandson can now say "I'm very very angry at you" to his little sister. Not that it changes anything at their age but she is giving them the tools to use later on.
Do we teach them to stuff their anger rather to experience it find ways to use it to help them change things? I learned very young that expressing any emotion was dangerous (my father had no problem lashing out with anything that was in his hands). So I learned to shut down almost every emotion. When I was a child, I learned that showing my emotions was bad especially my anger. Anger can be frightening. Letting someone express their anger can be very scary.
We know that one of the best ways to relate to one another is through our feelings. We tend to find sadness an easier emotion to deal with. People in sorrow may not be able to explain themselves, but when someone is sad and crying, we know how they feel even if we don't know what it is about. We can empathize and meet on that common ground of feeling.
Responsible ways to express anger
Were you ever taught how to express your anger or when it might be appropriate or how? Taking responsibility for your anger allows you to control it instead of it controlling you. Taking responsibility for your anger begins with being honesty with yourself. That means taking a moment to think, "I'm angry about..." The responsible expression of anger is healthy. Everyone has issues that can be triggered and there will always be people to trigger us. In fact, some people who, "make us angry" can provide us with opportunities to heal old issues. If you never find healthy ways to get angry, you might not get to the next step in healing recurring issues and in removing blocks to your happiness.
The secret to constructive anger lies in the ability to respond rather than react to anger-producing circumstances. Here are some tips for dealing responsibly with anger:
Acknowledge that something has happened that makes you angry. There is no shame in anger.
Take responsibility for it! You don't need to lash out on another person. He or she may have be the trigger, but is not the source of your anger.
Express it! Remember you have a right to be angry, so get it out. The more you do, the less it builds into rage. Let it out. You may want to write about it first to help you identify exactly what you are angry about.
Make a statement about your anger. Feelings of hurt, frustration, or fear may be underneath the anger. If you let it out, you'll get to its roots.
Trust your feelings! The anger is there for a reason. If it overwhelms you, then ask for help. You could ask God to come into the situation to lead me through it to peace. Or ask a friend to listen while you talk about why you are angry and ask for feedback.
Respect it! Anger is a powerful emotion that deserves your respect and attention. Some people do not make changes in their lives because they ignore their anger and what it is trying to tell them. When it comes to society, anger can motivate people to protest an injustice and bring about change.
Anger is passionate and usually carries important messages. Listening to it is wise. Profit from it! There is a lot to be gained from paying attention to your angry feelings. You can actually learn to appreciate your anger.
After you have expressed your anger clearly and honestly examine how you did and what you felt. Learn what your anger triggers are and that you are capable of dealing with anger constructively. Experience it first -- analyze and profit from it later!
Anger is rooted in fear, revenge, pride -- all of these things. Anger is the blanket that hides what lies beneath. When you accept your anger rather than repressing it, you take back the power you lost when you suppressed that anger. When you deal responsibly with your anger you learn to control it, instead of it controlling you. You can now use this power to resolve long-standing issues and to promote your own healing.
Because we live in a society that does not deal well with it, our anger may be our most misunderstood emotion. But it can actually be the key to greater self understanding. When handled responsibly, anger can actually be a friend. Conversely, when repressed or uncontrolled, anger can be damaging and destructive. So whenever you are angry, think of the experience as a good friend encouraging you to look at a deep truth.
Copyright Lee Marsh
A friend of mine (who has been continuously doing self-improvement for years) posted this on another message forum I frequent, and I enjoyed reading it. Seeing an opinion like this is a breath of fresh air and doesn't conform to the way society wants you to think.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Releasing anger in healthy ways
How we express our anger can be helpful or harmful to us and others. A lot of people think that getting angry is a sign of loss of control, a weakness. But that doesn’t mean that expressing anger is bad. Sometimes we just need to be careful how we unleash it.
Most people try to be good natured. Few people believe that acting out their unbridled anger is a good thing. Finding healthy ways to express our anger can be difficult. But the truth is that we cannot deal with our anger in healthy ways without experiencing it and understanding it first. And we cannot deal with our anger in healthy ways until we acknowledge that it is there and have valid reasons for it.
The book, A Course in Miracles, states that "all anger is an attempt to make someone feel guilty" really hits home with some people. Others think that the teachings about anger in the Course mean that anger is "bad."
Some think that the best way to deal with anger is to put it out of your mind and just "think good thoughts." But that is not dealing with anger, because it stays somewhere deep inside of you until you do deal with it.
Anger is, in fact, a heathy reaction to some situations. One person told me that anger is a blanket that covers our pain. It prevents us from feeling how much we have been hurt.
Anger is a valuable emotional response - as valuable as happiness or grief. It may not be pleasant, but it is essential. How often has anger moved you to make needed changes in your life or helped you to confront someone or something?
Anger may seem bad, but it can be an opening to peace and calm. When the body gets injured it feels pain. The pain is a warning that part of the body needs attention. In the same way, anger can draw attention to problems that need attention. If you don't find a healthy way to express the anger, it can turn inward, making you physically sick or cause you to lash out and doing or saying something you might regret later.
We live in a society that does not understand anger, and certainly doesn't know how to process it. Do we teach our children how to express their anger in a healthy way? I watch my two grandchildren hitting, and slapping each other (neither of which their parents do to them) My daughter pulls them apart and tells them biting and hitting are not good ways to express their anger. My three yr old grandson can now say "I'm very very angry at you" to his little sister. Not that it changes anything at their age but she is giving them the tools to use later on.
Do we teach them to stuff their anger rather to experience it find ways to use it to help them change things? I learned very young that expressing any emotion was dangerous (my father had no problem lashing out with anything that was in his hands). So I learned to shut down almost every emotion. When I was a child, I learned that showing my emotions was bad especially my anger. Anger can be frightening. Letting someone express their anger can be very scary.
We know that one of the best ways to relate to one another is through our feelings. We tend to find sadness an easier emotion to deal with. People in sorrow may not be able to explain themselves, but when someone is sad and crying, we know how they feel even if we don't know what it is about. We can empathize and meet on that common ground of feeling.
Responsible ways to express anger
Were you ever taught how to express your anger or when it might be appropriate or how? Taking responsibility for your anger allows you to control it instead of it controlling you. Taking responsibility for your anger begins with being honesty with yourself. That means taking a moment to think, "I'm angry about..." The responsible expression of anger is healthy. Everyone has issues that can be triggered and there will always be people to trigger us. In fact, some people who, "make us angry" can provide us with opportunities to heal old issues. If you never find healthy ways to get angry, you might not get to the next step in healing recurring issues and in removing blocks to your happiness.
The secret to constructive anger lies in the ability to respond rather than react to anger-producing circumstances. Here are some tips for dealing responsibly with anger:
Acknowledge that something has happened that makes you angry. There is no shame in anger.
Take responsibility for it! You don't need to lash out on another person. He or she may have be the trigger, but is not the source of your anger.
Express it! Remember you have a right to be angry, so get it out. The more you do, the less it builds into rage. Let it out. You may want to write about it first to help you identify exactly what you are angry about.
Make a statement about your anger. Feelings of hurt, frustration, or fear may be underneath the anger. If you let it out, you'll get to its roots.
Trust your feelings! The anger is there for a reason. If it overwhelms you, then ask for help. You could ask God to come into the situation to lead me through it to peace. Or ask a friend to listen while you talk about why you are angry and ask for feedback.
Respect it! Anger is a powerful emotion that deserves your respect and attention. Some people do not make changes in their lives because they ignore their anger and what it is trying to tell them. When it comes to society, anger can motivate people to protest an injustice and bring about change.
Anger is passionate and usually carries important messages. Listening to it is wise. Profit from it! There is a lot to be gained from paying attention to your angry feelings. You can actually learn to appreciate your anger.
After you have expressed your anger clearly and honestly examine how you did and what you felt. Learn what your anger triggers are and that you are capable of dealing with anger constructively. Experience it first -- analyze and profit from it later!
Anger is rooted in fear, revenge, pride -- all of these things. Anger is the blanket that hides what lies beneath. When you accept your anger rather than repressing it, you take back the power you lost when you suppressed that anger. When you deal responsibly with your anger you learn to control it, instead of it controlling you. You can now use this power to resolve long-standing issues and to promote your own healing.
Because we live in a society that does not deal well with it, our anger may be our most misunderstood emotion. But it can actually be the key to greater self understanding. When handled responsibly, anger can actually be a friend. Conversely, when repressed or uncontrolled, anger can be damaging and destructive. So whenever you are angry, think of the experience as a good friend encouraging you to look at a deep truth.
Copyright Lee Marsh
