Alright folks.

I am years away from this..but I want to start now...this will be the first coversation about this at age 25..I am sure over the years I may or may not hedge or change on this.

I have a 18 month old son.

the mother is catholic..she grew up in a catholic community...most of there time was in the church..they did church activities..including youth groups, some stuff at mass, and catholic retreats all the way into college up to the point where I met her and thought she was something else.

I am an athiest..my extent of religious ideals ends at the fact that something started the universe

other than that I think all religions have no where near an accurate depection of the idea some supreme god spoke to or created humans back in the iron age.

anyways.....Id prefer my son to grow up not believing in a god...but going by human achievement, evolution, history, facts and so on.

however..I am willing to compromise....If she wants to share her beliefs with him that is fine...which means she can share her beliefs up to 50 percent of what they are....he can go to church believe in god..but cannot interfere with what I will teach him and tell him.

so this is a big dilimma..the paragraph above was completely illogical and wont happen.

ok...I really need some good honest advice...throw out any bias you have towards women or whatever...and just tell me what you did as a father or would do when it comes to this stuff.




Let me say this...religious people have no issue taking there children to church...infact I am sure they want to pass there beliefs on to there child.

so before someone starts flaming me for me not wanting him to have anything do to with church..that is my reality..I think its bogus and I do not want my son growing up in a church...that would pretty much crush our relationship.


on the other hand..I have him 8 days per month when he is 4-5 years old...a Daddys influence on his SON is unmistakble..in those 8 days I could shape his mind more then anyone else on earth even with much more time then I would have.


I am not here to control my son or manipulate him..but this is going to be one hell of a situation when the time comes..I know I have 4-5 years before this goes down...but I am want to start this now..and grow over these years to be prepared for this.

Friv, I don't think you can tell your boy what or what not to believe especially in this situation. If you know nothing about how to counter the "logic" of the bible, then your boy is going to believe in God because it makes sense.

If you can show him how the bible and the idea of God is rediculous, then he can make an informed decision about what to believe. But the main thing is HE has to make that decision.

It's best to start educating yourself now if you truly want to show him the other side when he's old enough to start asking questions. There's lots of places on the internet that provide evidence that the bible is not the inspired word of God. Here's a start:

http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/thomas_paine/age_of_reason/

Whatever you do, DO NOT treat it as a battle or you'll discredit yourself and your boy will see you as an a55hole.. Simply show the other side of the issue and let him make his own decision. Be thankful that your ex isn't in a religious cult like Scientology.

frivolousz21 said:

anyways.....Id prefer my son to grow up not believing in a god...but going by human achievement, evolution, history, facts and so on.

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First of all, why do you want to impose your beliefs on your son? Why not let him make an informed choice when he is old enough? That being said I know exactly where you are coming from.

Although I don't describe myself as Atheist, I don't believe in God, I was raised a Roman Catholic. I don't believe in a higher being, I believe I am the most powerful person in my life, I don't need to believe in something to choose to do the right thing, or live a certain way.

That being said, I don't want to turn this into a religious discussion, I just wanted to give background, so you understand where I'm coming from, so you don't think I'm not understanding you.

When my duaghter was born, I had a huge fight w/ her mother because I didn't want her baptized, I wanted to give her a choice. However as the mother, I can't physically stop her, so I chose to take part and I chose the godparents.

Now you have to remember who and what your dealing with, a child, thats right a child. Not an adult. How is it going to harm your child if he's taught religion? The most important aspect is to teach your son that you love him and give him the tools that he needs to succeed in life. Religion is pretty trivial and it isn't going to harm him if his mother takes him to church. When he's much older, say after 10, then you can start to explain to him, the other thoughts out there, let him know that there are many religions etc... However also let him know that he is his own person and can make decisions on his own.

Don't waste his valuable developmental time on religion or atheism. Focus on his freudian needs. Help him to read, practice lots of math, let him have fun, let him be a kid, don't pollute his childhood with adult stuff like religion.

There is a reason why its banned as a subject on this forum, because we can't have a civilized discussion as adults, why do you want to try make a kid have this debate in his head with his mother telling him one thing and his father something else. Let him be a kid, don't confuse him, let his mother do what she will, when he's older, then you can introduce it. However he isn't going to be forever harmed because his mother took him to church at an early age, were you raised catholic?

Did it turn you into a devil worshiper? More importantly, most people aren't devout catholics like they use to be, so the impact on society is alot less than it use to be.

Remember kids are resilient, but let him have fun and enjoy his childhood while giving him a solid base are more important than things like religion.

great repsonses guys.

this is exactly what I am looking for.

my hard line stance in my head is contoured with great reason and understanding from you guys...

bringing light to me things I couldn't see myself.

thank you.

Its refreshing to see someone with an open mind, even if it goes against your personal beliefs. However its alot easier to do the right thing when it comes to your children as opposed to that very special women.

The other important thing to keep in mind, often you'll find yourself doing stuff with your son merely because of what your ex is doing, don't try to always counter act what she's doing. Just focus on you and your son and what you know is right.

MacAvoy said:

Its refreshing to see someone with an open mind, even if it goes against your personal beliefs. However its alot easier to do the right thing when it comes to your children as opposed to that very special women.

The other important thing to keep in mind, often you'll find yourself doing stuff with your son merely because of what your ex is doing, don't try to always counter act what she's doing. Just focus on you and your son and what you know is right.

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right.

I remember when my grandpa was dying in 2004 he told me this about having kids he said:

"If you have a son don't make him do what you want him to do...instead of making him play baseball...take him to a game or play yourself and he will follow".

it was something on the lines of that.

instead of confusing my son at a young age..when he is 8-9 I can take him to the zoo and science center and explain to him about the animals.

at the science center he will see the evolution and space exibit..instead of forcing him or telling him..he will learn much more from that...than from the horses mouth

I too am nonreligious so I respect where you are coming from, but I really don't think you will have much influence during your 8 days a month.

The mother and her family will brainwash him into thier religion

It is almost guaranteed. You can only hope he comes to his senses when he get to be an adult and can think rationally.

Dietzcoi

I want to throw in, consider the possibility your son may be very confused and torn between you two as his mom strongly tells him to believe in God, and you tell him to NOT believe.

This is a crucial period in their life is it not? It's a young age and the ramifications at that point might not be so pleasant.

Demonstrate through action, without a word of comparison or slander toward his mother, that you are a more competent, successful, intelligent human being.

Ask your son questions in a relaxed manner and challenge his assumptions when he's old enough to consider what you're asking. At some point, if the contrast in demonstrated wisdom is easily visible, your son will view you as the preferred vendor of clarity for matters of significance.

Really what this means is go out and build a compelling reality for yourself and let it do the talking.