Apparently, I'm an idiot

Knight's Cross · Jan 13, 2008

Men of the forum,
Thanks!
It's been 3 months and my ex-psycho BPD is sending me the voicemails that I need to get with the program and tell her what I'm doing. I quit communicating with this chick 3 FRICKIN months ago. You'd think she'd take the clue....Ohh no Miss Drama wants me to explain to her what I'm doing. For her own sanity as she said in her voicemail.
How stupid of me! Sheesh howbout I just strap on that suicide bomber vest and let her take another shot at my rising self interest and esteem.

Know what? I don't think so....See SS has helped me get it together. I don't own her problems.

NO CONTACT! She doesn't rate my time.

By the way, I'm spinning 5 right now. Life is so clear to me now. Thank Rollo!

KC

joekerr31 · Jan 13, 2008

biggest red flag ... even after three months her voicemail is all about her. she wants you to call for HER sanity.

shes playing the damsel in distress role and trying to suck you back in via the captain save a ho method.

you sound like you are doing good without her, so just dont reply back to her.

but you can bet your bottom dollar she is still playing games. trust me on that.

if she had grown up and matured and was no longer a nut she would have called saying something like "I just wanted to apologize for what i put you through. anyway, i just wanted to apologize and i hope you are doing well.'

THATS IT THATS ALL.

but shes not doing that cuz she is still playing games.

Rollo Tomassi · Jan 13, 2008

You're welcome, but if you were truly indifferent to this woman you'd never have started this thread. I like the props as much as anyone else, and there's always going to be an interest in salaciousness with regards to how she eating herself up over your indifference, but it's only indifference if she doesn't register enough to warrant a thread here. We can give each other high fives all day, but until she isn't worth posting about you're not over it.

Glad you're progressing though,..

Knight's Cross · Jan 13, 2008

Bingo! Her TM tonight was, "I need to see you please"
Joker nailed it, it was always all about her. I am doing good, the skin got alot tougher after this one guys.
Games are all she knows. Some of my other favorite messages were, "Come back to me, I really messed up"
See the command there?
Save a Ho, let her become some other guys rescue victim. It'd be great if she sunk her claws in a new vicitm.
Ahh well let's use it as a training lesson!

KC

drmeathead · Jan 13, 2008

dude stay away from the BPD. i have been away from bpdexgf for about 15 months now. I have just been getting back to where i was 5 seconds before i met her. brother man dont go back. please

Knight's Cross · Jan 13, 2008

You know Rollo,
I was thinking that. That to be truly over it I wouldn't have dropped a note here. You are right on that. SO this goes back to my question. Do I NUKE her with a go the F away letter from my attorney? I mean really 3 flippin months. This is getting ridiculous. Sure it's playing into the drama, or is it taking care of business?

KC

Knight's Cross · Jan 13, 2008

Johnny,
Yeah I get it. I haven't done squat in 3 months. I see what's being said here. You guys are right. Rollo close this one up~

DJDamage · Jan 13, 2008

If she is a real psycho BPD, I would save a few of those voicemails, in case she one day loses it and call the cops and make up saying you raped her or become's a stalker and you need a proof for a good restraining order.

aliasguy · Jan 13, 2008

The ONLY way to deal with a BPD is NO CONTACT. Really.

I wish I could do that, but we have a kid. Sucks.

No contact is RIGHT, Knight. Your first instinct is correct. No lawyers. Send NOTHING. Answer NOTHING. Let it all hang. Please.

KontrollerX · Jan 13, 2008

Glad you're progressing Knight's Cross and always remember whenever she says the stuff about wanting you back she's not really saying that.

What she is saying is...

"Momma/Daddy please come back to your baby girl I am all alone in the world."

Sad but true.

Keep on progressing brother.

joekerr31 · Jan 13, 2008

Knight's Cross said:
Bingo! Her TM tonight was, "I need to see you please"
Joker nailed it, it was always all about her. I am doing good, the skin got alot tougher after this one guys.
Games are all she knows. Some of my other favorite messages were, "Come back to me, I really messed up"
See the command there?
Save a Ho, let her become some other guys rescue victim. It'd be great if she sunk her claws in a new vicitm.
Ahh well let's use it as a training lesson!

KC

the reason guys go back is because for maybe a month or two she will treat you like a king. but once you get into a routine, once she feels reassured you are as emotionally dependent on her as she is on you, she will return to her ways of emotional manipulation / bullying.

see, the irony to these situations is that the ONLY time it might even work is when the other person has completely change. but if they've completely changed, then you dont really know them anymore and you have to start from square one.

people who truly have changed realize that to start over means starting over from square one. but even when you start over at square one, you still have all that baggage lurking in the background - so 99% of the time people just move on. start over with someone else, fresh.

this is why it almost never works when you go back to a relationship that failed.

joekerr31 · Jan 13, 2008

Knight's Cross said:
You know Rollo,
I was thinking that. That to be truly over it I wouldn't have dropped a note here. You are right on that. SO this goes back to my question. Do I NUKE her with a go the F away letter from my attorney? I mean really 3 flippin months. This is getting ridiculous. Sure it's playing into the drama, or is it taking care of business?

KC

its playing in the to drama. any response gives her what she wants and reinforces her behavior.

while we portray these situations as simple, they are actually quite complex. its very hard to turn your back on someone you once cared for, especially if they are pleading for your attention / help.

but unfortunately, most of the time when you return and try to help them, they use this against you.

as such people have to learn to live with the consequences of their behavior.

perhaps if you don't respond it will finally get through to her that if you treat people badly they will no longer be a part of your life.

and perhaps as a result in her next relationship she will behave appropriately and live happily ever after.

in all likelihood the best thing you can do for HER and for YOU is to not talk to her.

if you find yourself unable to do that however, then any conversation you have with her has to revolve around clearly stating that its over, that there will never be anything between the two of you again, and that you wish her the best and that you hope she learns something from all this so that in her next relationship she doesn't repeat history.

aliasguy · Jan 13, 2008

Joekerr is SPOT ON in the last two posts. Listen to him.

The only difference I have is when he alludes to them LEARNING to live with consequences. They don't. They keep doing what they do.

NO CONTACT.

KontrollerX · Jan 13, 2008

"The only difference I have is when he alludes to them LEARNING to live with consequences. They don't. They keep doing what they do."

Exactly.

When you have one of the Cluster B Personality Disorders you are looking at life through a broken mirror.

You only see what your messed up mind allows you to see, not the full picture of the catastrophic effects of your behaviour on other people that ultimately come back to you haunting you and making you ultimately alone in life even though your personality is usually fun enough on the surface to ensure tons of people will always hang around you.

Some of these women get tired of or can't figure out why their life is one constant cycle of relationship destruction so they get therapy and find out what they've done wrong and for some it really opens up a new window in their minds of just how horrible and messed up their thinking all these years has been. They cry for days at the new revelations. This time real tears instead of the crocodile ones they are accustomed to for the very real loves they left behind in their past and opportunities missed to follow a bullsh!t fantasy brought about by their disorder.

For others the disorder is so engrained even with therapy they have no awakening and become as aliasguy has said...people that just never can learn from their mistakes and change no matter what help they are offered or ask for themselves.

Tragic.

joekerr31 · Jan 13, 2008

aliasguy said:
Joekerr is SPOT ON in the last two posts. Listen to him.

The only difference I have is when he alludes to them LEARNING to live with consequences. They don't. They keep doing what they do.

NO CONTACT.

hehe. im the eternal optimist.

i honestly believe that all of us have the ability to change. but that said, given her approach, it sure doesnt sound like she has (it sounds like she is merely desperate).

so im definitely NOT about giving someone that has hurt you the benefit of the doubt without any evidence of change. but when enough evidence is present its sometimes ok to start talking again.

but that's definitely not the case in this situation.

ketostix · Jan 13, 2008

Knight's Cross said:
By the way, I'm spinning 5 right now. Life is so clear to me now.

When you say spinning 5, do you mean you've fukked all 5 of them, or maybe one of them and you're pursuing 4 more? Because the difference is the difference between you spinning plates and the women spinning you. Anyway, if you do have 5 plates spinning, that's impressive and you should be contributing back to the forum. Field report them and tells us how you met and gamed them. The only thing I've seen you post recently was about the ex and you say the MM forum has helped you and you have 5 plates. You ought to contribute information on this back.

drmeathead · Jan 13, 2008

fellas these bpds cant be fixed. in laymans terms, they are missing a chemical in the brain that would enable them to function normally. no matter what their partner may say or do, they still have a chemical misfire and that is what drives their behavior. i think it is a faulty receptor so i dont think meds can even help them to be fully recovered. sure you can flood their system with the meds so the faulty receptor gets a little more uptake or give them a class on why the interpret things the way they do but the bottom line is you cant polish a turd and they are always going to be the same mentally unstable girl

aliasguy · Jan 13, 2008

drmeathead said:
fellas these bpds cant be fixed. in laymans terms, they are missing a chemical in the brain that would enable them to function normally. no matter what their partner may say or do, they still have a chemical misfire and that is what drives their behavior. i think it is a faulty receptor so i dont think meds can even help them to be fully recovered. sure you can flood their system with the meds so the faulty receptor gets a little more uptake or give them a class on why the interpret things the way they do but the bottom line is you cant polish a turd and they are always going to be the same mentally unstable girl

I agree with your conclusion. They are forever f*cked up. No one really knows the true reason, but they are LOST. Doesn't matter if it's chemical or upbringing.

And they will hurt you. BAD. If you let them.

jophil28 · Jan 13, 2008

Rollo Tomassi said:
You're welcome, but if you were truly indifferent to this woman you'd never have started this thread.

..

True, KC is not quite over this women, but indifference is like forgiveness -it does not "happen" because someone says that it is a good thing to have..
Indifference to a former LTR who who was a Cluster B wackjob takes time.
I have been there and I know how cunning and devious these women are, and how deeply they burrow into a guys psyche.

They are master 'performers' and skilled actresses and mindfvckers extraordinaire.
No CONTACT is the only longterm cure, but spinning plates sure speeds up a guy's recovery..
Good stuff KC - keep the faith.

jophil28 · Jan 13, 2008

aliasguy said:
Joekerr is SPOT ON in the last two posts. Listen to him.

The only difference I have is when he alludes to them LEARNING to live with consequences. They don't. They keep doing what they do.

NO CONTACT.

Cluster B women NEVER learn because they truly belive that they are fine and YOU were the problem.
In the justice system they are called repeat offenders or recidivists ..

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