Sorry this is long, but man are my eyes wide open now. If you clicked on the topic, maybe you're having a problem like I did. Maybe it'll open your eyes too.

It started in a way you wouldn't really expect. For a long time I was the complete opposite of what most people would peg as a person going through an identity crisis. I knew exactly what my passion in life was. I was a painter and I loved composing new music! Most of my conversations and interests were guided by it, so there wasn't a lot of guessing because I had so much to say. I made most of my friends this way. I found women to date this way. People knew what made me tick. They knew what I liked to do and what activities didn't interest me. My wardrobe consisted of stuff fitting for those activities. I was a square peg and everyone knew exactly what hole to put me in.

That all changed about 3 years ago. I lost the passion I had for the things I did. The reasons are too complex to get into here but that doesn't really matter anyway. We all have our personal reasons for things. The point is that in my own eyes I was suddenly undefined. I was bored with talking music and art, but I didn't know what else to talk about. Eventually people couldn't figure out what made me tick because even I didn't know. It became harder for me to make new friends. I found myself thrust into a world full of people with interests and knowledge that was alien to me. I felt so clueless and stupid for being that way, so I became a quieter guy. I became more reserved, less fun and felt even stupider still for it.

I started asking myself all sorts of questions. How am I going to go out there and make friends now? What would I say if someone asks me what I do for fun? What should I wear if people invite me to the types of places I've never been? How do I avoid looking stupid because I don't know what's going on? What do I talk about if I'm lost in the conversation? How can I be fun if I don't even know what is fun to me anymore? The questions just kept coming! After only 3 months of this I decided the only way to resolve all of these problems was to find something new to be passionate about. I thought the only way out of this mess was to be really good at something I loved to do, just like the way I was before.

At first I decided to turn my entire interest onto just one hobby that I thought I could love: film-making. But because of my social conditioning, I was deathly afraid of being the clueless nobody who was just another wannabe following a trend. So I spent days and weeks reading everything I could about it in books or on the Internet. I read thousands of articles. I hit forums were people talked about it and read thread after thread. I studied it like it like I was going to be tested on it, because that's how I looked at it. It only took me a few weeks to realize this approach was a DISASTER! There was no way I could ever substitute experience with knowledge. It was easy for people to see I didn't know what I was doing. My attempts to pretend during those few weeks just makes me feel pathetic. I still cringe thinking about it.

4 months after having lost myself, I decided then that the only way this was going to work was if I found something I think I could like, jump right in with both feet and just do it. I figured once I found something I really enjoyed doing, I'd stick with it, ask questions along the way, eventually get pretty good at it and finally get back to being that guy I used to be. I stopped worrying about being the newbie who asked questions. I didn't worry about making mistakes. Hey, I made a lot of mistakes becoming a musician and an artist. That's how I learned. Why should I expect any other hobby to be different for me? And so that's what I did. I jumped right in to one hobby after another just to give it a shot, looking for that one that really grabbed me....

2 1/2 years later I had a new problem. I couldn't find a hobby that grabbed me! I must have tried hundreds of them. Paintball, sky diving, hiking, motorcycles, star gazing, rock climbing, chess, website development, bungee jumping, dancing, singing, bar crawling, boxing, cigars, coin collecting, hitting beer festivals and taverns, language lessons, rugby, softball, football, camping, acting... the list is so long that I started to run out of new ideas. It really started to bother me because even though I had a good time doing most of those things none of them struck me as the new passion I was looking for. I had a feeling that I was doomed to forever search for that clear, unmistakable definition of who I was.

Two weeks ago I was online looking for a website that listed new hobby ideas because I couldn't think of anything. I followed a Google link that took me to a forum thread right here on SoSuave.com that discussed hobbies. After reading around I decided to register and post about my issue on this problem with passion I was having. After reading what some people had to say, I finally had a moment of clarity. They helped me realize I wasn't a guy looking for a new passion at all. I already found it. I was passionate about trying new things and seeing what the world had to offer. The blinders were off. My eyes were opened. The search was my new passion.

I soaked this in and thought about it for a while. I looked back at the last 2 1/2 years of my life and all of the things I've done. Do you know what I realized? I realized my life was BETTER than it ever had been when I was that square peg with his perfect hole. How BORING I was back then!

Man! All of this time I was looking for that one thing to be passionate about and I never realized I was doing something even better than that. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why people were friendly. Why I didn't have major issues getting a date. The whole time what I thought was a desperate search for an identity of passion was actually a string of random adventures. What I thought was a complete lack of devotion to one hobby was really a spontaneous curiosity to experience and challenge myself to as many of them as I can. While I thought of myself as a person who couldn't do anything really good I was becoming a person who became really good at finding new, fun and interesting things to do. I was redefining myself as someone far beyond what I could have ever hoped to become.

I'm MORE SPONTANEOUS then I ever was as that perfectly defined person because I'm always looking for new experiences everywhere I go.

I'm a BETTER CONVERSATIONALIST now because I'm not stuck ranting on and on about music or art anymore. Now I can talk about virtually anything from paintball to sky diving, hiking, motorcycles, star gazing, rock climbing, bar crawling, boxing, cigars, coin collecting, hitting beer festivals and taverns and so on. I don't know even a fraction of what there is to know about all of these things, but I just might by the time I'm old and near dead because I can easily get people to talk about it and teach me more.

It's been EASIER TO MAKE FRIENDS because I'm always meeting people who are trying something new for the first time too. I can't tell you how many times I've cheered someone else on or have had people cheer me on through a challenge. We barely even knew each other's names!

I've been MORE FUN ON DATES because I don't stick to events I'm familiar with anymore. I'm always exploring. I follow every opportunity big or small that arises on those dates to do something new. She's just going along for the ride. On one date we went to see The Blue Man Group and I ended up on the stage being flung around in the air and used as a human paint brush!!

I'm MORE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS because I don't insist we do the same things all of the time like I used to. I'm the guy who dragged everyone into taking the "crew pit challenge" with me at the carnival. I'm the one who suggests we hit a cigar lounge just to see what it's like. I'm the one who suggests we go to a traditional Irish pub to get drunk and sing songs, even though none of us are Irish. "She said noooo, naaaaay never! No, nay never no moooore! Will I plaaaaay the wild rover! No neverrrrr! No mooooore!"

I'm A FUNNIER PERSON because I don't worry if I look cool doing something anymore. Put those goofy goggles on me and push me out of an airplane! Look at my stupid face as I'm ready to drop a Hershey bar in my pants! Go ahead and laugh!

I now DRESS BETTER then I ever did. I'm not stuck on one style because I hang out at the same place all of the time. Know what? My curiosity and sense of adventure leads more often than it follows, so I usually end up dressed appropriately for what comes anyway because I'm usually the one suggesting it! Now I just buy what I feel comfortable and look good in and wear it when I feel like wearing it.

And do you know what I realized the best part of all is? PEOPLE OPEN UP WHEN YOU'RE THIS KIND OF PERSON. When they enjoy being around you they will start to adopt the same type of outlook as you. They'll drop the "I'm too cool" act and will reveal or try new things too. They won't be afraid of making mistakes or admitting they like stupid things because they know you're the same way. Check out this video of two drunk Swedish chicks singing some old, German folk/polka tune in a nightclub. How do you think that conversation came about? Do you think these guys just stood there looking super-fly talking about all their cool hobbies? Do you think these girls worried about being cool and trendy when they were learning these songs? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88rzTqlbZv4

2 1/2 years later I had a new problem. I couldn't find a hobby that grabbed me! I must have tried hundreds of them. Paintball, sky diving, hiking, motorcycles, star gazing, rock climbing, chess, website development, bungee jumping, dancing, singing, bar crawling, boxing, cigars, coin collecting, hitting beer festivals and taverns, language lessons, rugby, softball, football, camping, acting... the list is so long that I started to run out of new ideas. It really started to bother me because even though I had a good time doing most of those things none of them struck me as the new passion I was looking for. I had a feeling that I was doomed to forever search for that clear, unmistakable definition of who I was.

Two weeks ago I was online looking for a website that listed new hobby ideas because I couldn't think of anything. I followed a Google link that took me to a forum thread right here on SoSuave.com that discussed hobbies. After reading around I decided to register and post about my issue on this problem with passion I was having. After reading what some people had to say, I finally had a moment of clarity. They helped me realize I wasn't a guy looking for a new passion at all. I already found it. I was passionate about trying new things and seeing what the world had to offer. The blinders were off. My eyes were opened. The search was my new passion.

I soaked this in and thought about it for a while. I looked back at the last 2 1/2 years of my life and all of the things I've done. Do you know what I realized? I realized my life was BETTER than it ever had been when I was that square peg with his perfect hole. How BORING I was back then!

Man! All of this time I was looking for that one thing to be passionate about and I never realized I was doing something even better than that. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why people were friendly. Why I didn't have major issues getting a date. The whole time what I thought was a desperate search for an identity of passion was actually a string of random adventures. What I thought was a complete lack of devotion to one hobby was really a spontaneous curiosity to experience and challenge myself to as many of them as I can. While I thought of myself as a person who couldn't do anything really good I was becoming a person who became really good at finding new, fun and interesting things to do. I was redefining myself as someone far beyond what I could have ever hoped to become.

I'm MORE SPONTANEOUS then I ever was as that perfectly defined person because I'm always looking for new experiences everywhere I go.

I'm a BETTER CONVERSATIONALIST now because I'm not stuck ranting on and on about music or art anymore. Now I can talk about virtually anything from paintball to sky diving, hiking, motorcycles, star gazing, rock climbing, bar crawling, boxing, cigars, coin collecting, hitting beer festivals and taverns and so on. I don't know even a fraction of what there is to know about all of these things, but I just might by the time I'm old and near dead because I can easily get people to talk about it and teach me more.

It's been EASIER TO MAKE FRIENDS because I'm always meeting people who are trying something new for the first time too. I can't tell you how many times I've cheered someone else on or have had people cheer me on through a challenge. We barely even knew each other's names!

I've been MORE FUN ON DATES because I don't stick to events I'm familiar with anymore. I'm always exploring. I follow every opportunity big or small that arises on those dates to do something new. She's just going along for the ride. On one date we went to see The Blue Man Group and I ended up on the stage being flung around in the air and used as a human paint brush!!

I'm MORE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS because I don't insist we do the same things all of the time like I used to. I'm the guy who dragged everyone into taking the "crew pit challenge" with me at the carnival. I'm the one who suggests we hit a cigar lounge just to see what it's like. I'm the one who suggests we go to a traditional Irish pub to get drunk and sing songs, even though none of us are Irish. "And it's noooo, naaaaay never! Clap clap clap clap clap! No, nay never no moooore! Will I plaaaaay the wild rover! No neverrrrr! No mooooore!"

I'm A FUNNIER PERSON because I don't worry if I look cool doing something anymore. Put those goofy goggles on me and push me out of an airplane! Look at my stupid face as I'm ready to drop a Hershey bar in my pants! Go ahead and laugh!

I now DRESS BETTER then I ever did. I'm not stuck on one style because I hang out at the same place all of the time. Know what? My curiosity and sense of adventure leads more often than it follows, so I usually end up dressed appropriately for what comes anyway because I'm usually the one suggesting it! Now I just buy what I feel comfortable and look good in and wear it when I feel like wearing it.

And do you know what I realized the best part of all is? PEOPLE OPEN UP WHEN YOU'RE THIS KIND OF PERSON. When they enjoy being around you they will start to adopt the same type of outlook as you. They'll drop the "I'm too cool" act and will reveal or try new things too. They won't be afraid of making mistakes or admitting they like stupid things because they know you're the same way. Check out this video of two drunk Swedish chicks singing some old, German folk/polka tune in a nightclub. How do you think that conversation came about? Do you think these guys just stood there looking super-fly talking about all their cool hobbies? Do you think these girls worried about being cool and trendy when they were learning these songs? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88rzTqlbZv4

So take my experience as a lesson that can be learned. If you're having a crisis of your own, you're in a great position to improve so many things in your life by leaps and bounds, because the only difference between someone with an identity crisis and an exciting person who explores new, exciting opportunities is just a matter of how you choose to look at it and attack it.

You can choose to sit around worrying so much about being accepted that you won't do anything until you can look cool doing it. You can follow everyone else and try to be just like them, wondering what they think when you make mistakes. You can sit around thinking you need to know everything there is to know about something so you can finally talk to certain people and make friends out of them. And if you ever do finally define yourself, you can spend the rest of your oh so happy days being comfortable with that routine because you don't want to do anything to jeopardize it or change it.

OR​

You can choose to realize that being so undefined can be a truly liberating thing. You can make the search the best part of your life. You can live in a world where anything can happen when you go out there with an eagerness to take part in it. You can live life not knowing what new experience is coming next and surprise yourself with things you never knew you could do. And if you fail? So what! Try something else tomorrow! Meet someone new! You can choose to stop being predictable and turn into that fun question mark. You can lead instead of follow, and you can do it without having exact answers for rhetorical questions like, "What do you do for fun?"

The way is up to you. Choose wisely!

A++ read! Would buy from again!

Seriously though, it's good hearing perspectives from the other side of the fence. I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I used fit into a peg as well, and about 3 years ago started losing the passion and basically fell out of the "hole". Since then I've been confused, lost, killing off any confidence I once had. Only recently have I started trying a bunch of new things and I think I've finally found what I'm passionate about.