As I lay on the bathroom floor, clutching my stomach, the tears rolling down my cheeks like torrents, all I could feel was a gaping, infinite sense of loss. Yet I was not at some funeral of a loved one, I was at a child's fourth birthday party, and I was the only woman there without a baby.

Are you childless and is it right for you?

I never planned on being 39 and childless but somehow, here I was, a few months shy of my 40th birthday and all I was clutching was a Prada handbag.

Back at the party, the yummy mummies were settled around the kitchen table as they casually fed their toddlers pizza and wiped up baby sick from their newborns. Amid the mayhem I was shouting into my mobile and organising my glamorous Saturday night ahead.

I laughed and joked about how I would be wearing fluorescent pink hot pants at a party, but it was empty laughter.

My nephew came over and sat on my knee. He flung his arms around my neck and clung to me. I could smell that unique baby smell and marvelled at the sensations in my body as I held him close.

Yet I knew that I would have to hand this little bundle back and then all I would feel would be the aching loss for the children I will never have.

Grief and loss. These are two emotions that have become commonplace in my emotional repertoire of late. It can be frightening to yearn for a child, and it is hard to fathom the desperate urgency that comes with thinking that maybe, one day, I could be a mother.

But after that party, I had an epiphany. In six months' time I will be 40, and after a great deal of soul searching, I have decided that I am bowing out gracefully from the baby race. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. No child. Not now. Not ever.

People look at someone like me - a woman who is still attractive, has her own career and doesn't have children - and think that either I am an unfeeling monster or a tragic failure. Sometimes they say it to my face.

Just last week, a well-meaning friend stood triumphant with her twoyearold on her hip and told me: "Well, Kate, you don't like children do you?"

I lost my rag. I made it clear that I hadn't made a choice not to have children. I am not one of those women who sat down at 30 and categorically factored out babies from their life plan. I love children and share all the motherly instincts of most women.

But it is a painful modern truth that there is a growing number of women - the proportion of women under 50 without children has doubled over the past two decades - who have simply forgotten to have a baby.

Somehow, amid the schmoozing and the broadening of the mind, the baby question has always been put on the back burner.

And then suddenly - at exactly the point when infertility cannot be ignored - I, like other childless women, realise it is probably too late.

What went wrong? How is it that the age-old business of having babies has suddenly become fraught with so many difficulties.

An important clue can be found back in the late 1970s when I was in my teens. I was part of the generation of schoolgirls who, instead of being propelled towards childbirth by cultural and religious expectations, could balance motherhood against a career and good times.

The result is that my childless contemporaries and I are the fallout generation from the sexual revolution, the real-life Bridget Jones's who spend their evenings getting drunk instead of reading bedtime stories.

We were told we could have it all, but in reality we were sold a pipe dream. The reality is that we forgot that we are helpless in the face of our biological clocks. And now it is simply too late for a lot of us.

Back then it all seemed so different. We were being "freed from a life of drudgery"

The very act of having and rearing children was seen as counterintuitive; boring and inconsequential at best, ruinous to any self-development at worst. My friends and I embraced the feminist ideology that was going to give us a life of glittering prizes.

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There are actually another 10 pages of the usual drivel from this women and way too boring and all along that same bent..
I thought that I would at least save you that bit of unnessary suffering

However, I cant help but feel that both genders have been badly affected by feminism. Its hard to sympathise sometimes, but I did in this case

Yeah I felt bad for her too reading that.

Its nice in a sad way to see that its not only always we men who are deceived by the matrix but innocent women as well.

romangod said:

We were told we could have it all, but in reality we were sold a pipe dream. The reality is that we forgot that we are helpless in the face of our biological clocks. And now it is simply too late for a lot of us.


So true. Women were sold a toxic product and they bought it without considering the cancer that will eventually consume them.

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they were too young and inexperienced to know it was toxic.

So, what...Am I supposed to feel something here?

She wants a kid so badly now, but I'll bet when she was getting railed by at 3 in the morning on Saturday night hookup when she was 30, this didn't bother her too much.

You make choices in life, you deal. If she'd had a kid, she'd probably eventually regret leaving the workplace and letting her social life dwindle.

Or she'd have shoved her kid in daycare and he'd turn out like the rest of the current crop of savages that constitute the teenagers of today.

At least she has enough self awareness to realize that it was the act of attempting to be a man that led to her demise as a woman. More than you can say for a lot of them. Most just become bitter and blame it on something external.

#41's post is MONEY !!!!

why or how could anyone pity any woman in this situation ?? what is there to feel bad about ??

She said it herself, getting drunk was more important to her than anything else. She's a human capable of thinking for herself, she was a fool, no biggie...lots of fools are born everyday and wisen up quick when reality donkey punches them in the throat.

We were told we could have it all, but in reality we were sold a pipe dream.

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This is the typical response of a someone who doesn't have the decency to own up to their own choices....She wasn't sold anything, no more than a fool is sold psychic readings. She made a blind decision and is now faced with the repercussions of that decision.

This has nothing to do with feminism, This does have everything to do with stupid people who blame everyone else but themselves for THEIR CHOICES.

However, I cant help but feel that both genders have been badly affected by feminism

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Be thankful that the idiots of society who don't have the ability to think for themselves are eliminating their genes from existence. This woman was probably an attention whore who hurt alot of guys in favor of partying, now she can't have kids and a bunch you guys are ready to play knight in shining armor.

i believe the lower rate of marriage and child bearing is strictly due to one thing and one thing only ... the economy.

specifically the combination of an increased white collar work force (ie. educated work force) with decreased demand for the supply of such workers.

what you have is a nation of people who do not feel their jobs are secure, who do not feel they have enough money to raise a family properly, and who are still paying off debts from their schooling etc.

i think its a total red herring that peopel simple 'forgot' to have kids, or that they were too selfish to get married etc.

i think the current economy DEMANDS that both men and women focus on their becoming employable if they are going to have a future. the middle class continues to get squeezed harder than mr. olympia's d*ck, and the children of the middle class are not reproducing like they did a generation ago because they simply don't want the added financial burden.

then when they are 40 and have their lives under control financially, they realize what a mistake it was to not get married and have kids just becuase of their career and money.


i've posted this video before, but check it out again, its very relevant to this. sure, its a joke, but i tihnk its exactly what is happening...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FkHE0KjPzMQ

oh btw, sure things like feminism and women acting like sl*ts and stuff contributed to all these now 40 year old women who don't have kids...

but at the core of it, the industrialization of our society, the introduction of women into the workforce, etc. - all created a harsher society where greed and capitalism replaced the nuclear family and survival of the fittest got harder and harder.

in this environment, the more educated people simply always saw too many barriers. your average white collar man/woman are fully aware of how children can ruin their lives, and as such waited until 'the right time'.

the old nuclear family forumula of get married, f*ck and have kids as soon as possible died and was replaced by the industrialized and knowledge worker economy montras of 'just cover your own *ss and make sure you survive."

i know all this sounds a bit far stretched, and im doing a really bad job of explaining it.

but suffice to say, i honestly don't believe people made the choices to not have families. i believe that our society has become so chaotic, unstructured and ruthless that many people have been forced to look out for #1. the result being that marriage and children seems like an unnecessary risk.

we've really f8cked ourselves up, its too bad.

the nuclear family worked. one parent staying at home worked.

joekerr31 said:

i've posted this video before, but check it out again, its very relevant to this. sure, its a joke, but i tihnk its exactly what is happening...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FkHE0KjPzMQ

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I laughed my ass off at that vid, it's sad and funny at the same time. Gotta get the DVD, Office Space was a laugh as well.

And no, I don't feel sorry for that woman at all. Like Joekerr said, the way society evolved in the past decades sure didn't help, but I'm sure she didn't mind having no kids when she got gangbanged by that group of bikers in the back of a van when she was younger. Probably at the same time when she used guys who were into creating a family and having kids as orbiters.

You reap what you sow.

STR8UP said:

At least she has enough self awareness to realize that it was the act of attempting to be a man that led to her demise as a woman. More than you can say for a lot of them. Most just become bitter and blame it on something external.

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Totally true. And the truth about feminism is it goes against nature and by necessity is flawed. Feminist weren't/aren't really pro female/antimale, they're just foolish, selfish and misguided people who are really just anti-nature and therefore against both sexs.

The only thing I would say more about this woman is she sounds totally defeated. Unless she's been fvcking around and knows she couldn't get pregnant and probably due to HPV. Some women can still get pregnant at 40.

Geena Davis (actress) got pregnant at 49 and has twin boys now.:rockon:

And I fully support JoeKerr's theory about economic strains preventing people from having kids.

I feel a little bad for this woman, but not much. She was too busy with "LIFE" and missed her chance at living. You kind of have to plan for these things early in life.

I never wanted kids because I knew I'd be one of those over-protective Moms:crazy: who chases her 27 year old son down the street:
"DANNY! DANNY! It's cold out! Take your scarf! Do you have your gloves with you?"

Although I must admit, spending time with my 19 month old cousin has become the highlight of my day. He's not only adorable, but SMART! (Ok, I'll stop raving about my baby cousin..... )

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Why are you folks saying that economic factors "prevent" people from having kids?

Don't poor people have MORE kids than the rich?

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aliasguy said:

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Why are you folks saying that economic factors "prevent" people from having kids?

Don't poor people have MORE kids than the rich?

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thats exactly what we are saying. poor people don't worry about whether they can afford it or not. they just screw and have as many kids as nature allows.

the middle class use to do the same thing. well actually they were aware that the more kids they had the lower their standard of livign would be, so most of them had 2 kids, as they could easily support them and still live well.

today middle class folks (25-40) are so insecure about their futures that many of them aren't having children.

and whats wrong with people not procreating ?? why is having a family so important ??

joekerr31 said:

thats exactly what we are saying. poor people don't worry about whether they can afford it or not. they just screw and have as many kids as nature allows.

the middle class use to do the same thing. well actually they were aware that the more kids they had the lower their standard of livign would be, so most of them had 2 kids, as they could easily support them and still live well.

today middle class folks (25-40) are so insecure about their futures that many of them aren't having children.

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I see. So, it's a "lifestyle" choice, not "prevention."

Thanks, I understand, now.

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Drum&Bass said:

and whats wrong with people not procreating ?? why is having a family so important ??

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Hmmm... Because there will be no hot, juicy 20 year olds to bang when you're 45?

Because there will be no hot, juicy 20 year olds to bang when you're 45?

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Thats a great reason for a man to get married and start a family !!

I think a few people are missing the point I was trying to make. Its not that I don’t think she should not be held responsible for her choices in life. Its just that women as much as men have been affected by feminism. They are not benefiting from it either in the long run. I think that many of the folks here are bitter when it comes to women when many of them are victims of the matrix themselves. Its why you are seeing a decline in society. Some blame movement away from God (ya, right) others suggest it’s a more liberal media. For me, its been the decline of gender roles and family unit.

AgonyUncle said:

Some blame movement away from God (ya, right) others suggest it’s a more liberal media. For me, its been the decline of gender roles and family unit.

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The feminist movement has introduced, show-cased and reinforced by the media for decades! The decline of gender roles/family unit is simply a reaction to the disease. As WestCoaster is quick to point out even the commercials are male bashing & fem supportive.
The original, basic feminist ideals were good, but they were taken beyond the limits of sanity. It went from equal pay for equal work to "you have to give it to me, because I'm a girl!" Because women were on the reciving end of all the goodies, no one ever stopped to think...what will this cost in the end?
So as the writer of the article lies on the bathroom floor, clutching her stomach and weeping for a child that she never had, she understands what her choices have done to her life. They ARE choices! I'm so sick of every one whailing about "Oh I'm just a victim". Screw that crap! You have a CHOICE to have, or not have kids. You have a CHOICE to get a job or a high-pressure career. You have a CHOICE to buy the small econo car or the big, bad SUV.
And if you CHOSE to follow a bunch of bitter harpies that say :Career before kids, then I don't feel very sorry for you when you suddenly want to be a Mommy at 40 and can't get pregnant.

WaterTiger said:

The feminist movement has introduced, show-cased and reinforced by the media for decades! The decline of gender roles/family unit is simply a reaction to the disease. As WestCoaster is quick to point out even the commercials are male bashing & fem supportive.
The original, basic feminist ideals were good, but they were taken beyond the limits of sanity. It went from equal pay for equal work to "you have to give it to me, because I'm a girl!" Because women were on the reciving end of all the goodies, no one ever stopped to think...what will this cost in the end?
So as the writer of the article lies on the bathroom floor, clutching her stomach and weeping for a child that she never had, she understands what her choices have done to her life. They ARE choices! I'm so sick of every one whailing about "Oh I'm just a victim". Screw that crap! You have a CHOICE to have, or not have kids. You have a CHOICE to get a job or a high-pressure career. You have a CHOICE to buy the small econo car or the big, bad SUV.
And if you CHOSE to follow a bunch of bitter harpies that say :Career before kids, then I don't feel very sorry for you when you suddenly want to be a Mommy at 40 and can't get pregnant.

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Glad i read this from a girl.

Nice

Also, in response to the economy line spun by middle class workers:

With feminism came more women into the workforce, now men are competing with women over jobs, which basically means: If more and more women opted out of the work place, there would be an abundance of jobs and positions to fill for men who are willing to climb the career ladder, with feminism, came competition for work, not just from men but from women too.

So in essence the provider ideal of the average olden day male was and is being replaced, man are no longer in a viable position to provide for a family, especially in a social structure that has changed to accommodate women in the work force, this is all well and good when you can have a male and a female both work and bring in the means to pay bills e.t.c, but the modern day feminist working career women on average will rather marry up or date a guy who earns more then she does.

I have never seen a career chick date a cleaner, or a pot wash guy, but I have seen time and time again, men who are willing to take a mate purely on what she looks like or by what qualities she brings, hence I know guys who are well off with girls who are not that hot but have amazing personalities, but on the other hand I know of no man around me who is dating a women purely based on what he has to offer, outside of the social box.

Hence this is also a large problem for the 40 year old none married chick, with the prada handbag, she is probably or has probably been looking for a doctor e.t.c but the doctor at the age of 40 knows he can probably get a young 21 year old, or he has probably found a women who sees him being able to provide.

Which again is another scary concept, because even if you meet the agenda of provider guy, there is nothing stopping you in the western sphere to be raped in courts for a large % of your wage if you have kids, your home and assets going to the other half, which is usually (to a very silly large %) the women.

Hence men shy away from marriage since:

A: The potential for earnings decreased in the need to compete with women in the work force.
B: Don’t plan on earning or becoming a wage slave to a biased system, just to cater to a dead concept of 'provider guy' when women are earning the same has men.
C: Have less and less motivation to climb in there careers when they see just how 'male' most women seem to be (what’s the incentive to earn big bucks if not for material worth, men has far has I can tell don’t want to settle down with men).

Men and women are in the feminized western sphere more 'competitors' then 'complimentary' to each other. Your future wife in ages past could very be in this life time the girl who is your boss (who happened to get the position due to company policy on putting x amount of women in management positions).

Who looses out?

Women will always loose out, there body clock is there ticking time bomb, men can father children at a very very old age, hence women competing with men over the right to provide was a self inflicted wound from women.

In the past men used to go out and earn for the women now women want to take care of themselves and then they expect sympathy when they get to 40 and remain childless, since most men use them for sport fuc*ing only, since they don’t want to be tied down to a biased system and in fact are standing on the side lines saying 'well its what you all wanted, was it not'?.

Its too late now, it will never get back what it was, men and women’s roles have been socially changed with feminism, both are the provider but has stated women marry up as a normality, hence this is one of the major problems.

But then again women on average are more materialistic, when they realize at the ripe old age of 40, the glitter of the materialism is loosing its shine and they now want to embrace something more human, sadly they find out too late, the prada handbag is all there going to be cuddling has they hold on to there materialistic 'god', to the death of marriage and the olden day family unit, but its what women wanted, I don’t feel sorry one bit and tbh I would probably laugh at her, whilst I chatted some young blonde up.

Men the older we get with a good self improvement ideal, only grow in market-ability, where has women De-preciate.

Then again men are not slaves to materialism has much has women are, hence why 3.5/5 adverts are created for women, imo, hence why more and more men will simply has they compete with women, start thinking 'whats the point' i dont need a new shiny prada handbag to impress my mates, thats so 'soulless', where has women, will go out and spend 500 bucks on a pair of shoes when, they are on an average wage, just so she can feel good about others taking note of her expensive taste in fashion, even if she goes into debt for it.

Not many men i know who will max out credit cards for cloths and accessories, but i know shi* loads of women who do.