godofanxiety
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2007
- Messages
- 127
- Reaction score
- 2
First, sorry for the novel, but the situation is very complicated.
Also, sorry if this is abuse of the mature man forum, but I respect most of the posters that frequent this part of the boards, and am interested in opinions of people who have more experience under their belts anyway.
So, I broke up with my gf of 9 months. Little exposition first. This is my first relationship, had no experience whatsoever before this. While we were casually dating, she would slip occasionally how she cheated on her ex, and ex before him. Major red flag I know, but at that time I didn't know anything, wanted the experience, thought people change, it would be different with me etc. The relationship starts, I have some newbie problems (for some I asked for help on these boards), but generally it gets better.
Being paranoid and insecure by nature, it's no wonder that her past adventures made me feel on edge. So I read something I shouldn't have, and found out that she maintained a long distance relationship with a guy I thought was her ex, and a strange love hate long distance thing with her ex bf who had plans to visit her here. I freak out and try to break up, only to succumb to her unexpectedly emotional reaction involving lots of tears and arguments that made sense to me in my state of mind.
After that, I grow even more paranoid. After a month that would be very nice apart from that little thing that happened, I do some spying again with basically the same results, but not that dramatic. Of course I go crazy again, she cries, breaks up with her long distance whatever they are, telling me I'm her choice and that she told that guy not to visit because of me. I would break up, but the tears and emotional reaction is so strong it's unbelievable and very unexpected considering everything.
So, we continue our "relationship", my trust is completely gone and I'm thinking how to end this, with her being minimally hurt (the reader thinks I'm completely retarded by now). The reason I don't want to hurt her is because she's behaving like an angel to me, you know that thread about what girl does if she's interested, well her interest is way off the chart. She bursts into tears at anything that reminds her of our breakup etc.
Then, the same thing again. I spy with my little eye that she would like to visit her ex (who was btw her biggest love (and hate)) when on a business trip. She then tells me that she just wants to see him, blablabla, I don't buy it because of their talk about mutual feelings and break up, she cries. She offers not to go, to break up with him, I refuse.
This post is approaching an end, finally. The reason I'm guilty is that I KNOW she loves me very much. I've been reading some psychology and it's more common that we think that somebody really loves several people at once. She broke off 2 ldrs, because of me, that guy whom she wanted to visit, was in hospital, for the past week, she didn't know if he was alive, she didn't contact him because of me ( and, I repeat, he was (is) a big thing in her life). I know that she is prone to doing crazy things when depressed, and I don't want to be responsible for anything that might happen, and I honestly wish her all the best, but all this is too much for me. I don't want the headache and don't like that I'm turning into some psycho who is checking his gf's mail.
Please, give me your thoughts on all that happened, my moral position and hers, and tell me if you thing she is gonna be ok. She can be VERY emotional, as I said.
Also, sorry if this is abuse of the mature man forum, but I respect most of the posters that frequent this part of the boards, and am interested in opinions of people who have more experience under their belts anyway.
So, I broke up with my gf of 9 months. Little exposition first. This is my first relationship, had no experience whatsoever before this. While we were casually dating, she would slip occasionally how she cheated on her ex, and ex before him. Major red flag I know, but at that time I didn't know anything, wanted the experience, thought people change, it would be different with me etc. The relationship starts, I have some newbie problems (for some I asked for help on these boards), but generally it gets better.
Being paranoid and insecure by nature, it's no wonder that her past adventures made me feel on edge. So I read something I shouldn't have, and found out that she maintained a long distance relationship with a guy I thought was her ex, and a strange love hate long distance thing with her ex bf who had plans to visit her here. I freak out and try to break up, only to succumb to her unexpectedly emotional reaction involving lots of tears and arguments that made sense to me in my state of mind.
After that, I grow even more paranoid. After a month that would be very nice apart from that little thing that happened, I do some spying again with basically the same results, but not that dramatic. Of course I go crazy again, she cries, breaks up with her long distance whatever they are, telling me I'm her choice and that she told that guy not to visit because of me. I would break up, but the tears and emotional reaction is so strong it's unbelievable and very unexpected considering everything.
So, we continue our "relationship", my trust is completely gone and I'm thinking how to end this, with her being minimally hurt (the reader thinks I'm completely retarded by now). The reason I don't want to hurt her is because she's behaving like an angel to me, you know that thread about what girl does if she's interested, well her interest is way off the chart. She bursts into tears at anything that reminds her of our breakup etc.
Then, the same thing again. I spy with my little eye that she would like to visit her ex (who was btw her biggest love (and hate)) when on a business trip. She then tells me that she just wants to see him, blablabla, I don't buy it because of their talk about mutual feelings and break up, she cries. She offers not to go, to break up with him, I refuse.
This post is approaching an end, finally. The reason I'm guilty is that I KNOW she loves me very much. I've been reading some psychology and it's more common that we think that somebody really loves several people at once. She broke off 2 ldrs, because of me, that guy whom she wanted to visit, was in hospital, for the past week, she didn't know if he was alive, she didn't contact him because of me ( and, I repeat, he was (is) a big thing in her life). I know that she is prone to doing crazy things when depressed, and I don't want to be responsible for anything that might happen, and I honestly wish her all the best, but all this is too much for me. I don't want the headache and don't like that I'm turning into some psycho who is checking his gf's mail.
Please, give me your thoughts on all that happened, my moral position and hers, and tell me if you thing she is gonna be ok. She can be VERY emotional, as I said.
