A friend out for coffee, first some background, this was a girl I have known for around six years, we liked each other and the first date we had was a disaster, she was hot and cold and asked me to come home with her to hang out and then when the taxi was outside the bar...she changed her mind and told me she just wanted to go home by herself.

I walked off and didn't contact her again, it was awkward for a while seeing her where a friend works but in the end she said sorry and we became friends and got over the bull****.

A friend had told me she had got back from a Holiday in Tonga and I hadn't seen her for six months so I sent her an sms text asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee (I couldn't ring as I know at work she isn't allowed personal calls unless they are emergencies).

She came back with sorry I don't think it's a good idea to have coffee with you because of your addiction.

I said what?...addiction?, to coffee?, drugs?, booze...what?

and she replied back with your addiction to ladies...misunderstandings and complications.

I told her she was strange and should not live in the past as it doesn't help anyone and then she said she was going with her gut feeling, I also said I was not asking her out, she replied back saying she knew that and no she didn't want to have coffee with me.

The reason I put this up is to see if anyone has had any similar bizzare situations.

I won't be contacting this girl ever again and can't believe her odd reply today (it was just coffee for god sakes), I am not attracted to her and thought we were friends as she always chats with me when she sees me out and before this weirdness we were fine.

any thoughts please?

From the little information you're giving, I'm going to assume that you were an AFC when you guys first hung out. Maybe you made the typical AFC mistakes: acting too needy, calling too often, being a baby, asking too many questions, pedistalling, one-itis, etc.

I'm guesses that in that time frame, she had already put you into the catagory of 'creepy guys'. This addiction she's discussing with you maybe your sappiness and AFC ways. Women talk about relationships and share the same thoughts with their friends about experiences with guys as the men on this site do.

I'm sure more than a few of her friends validated her, bashed you, and therefore has given a sour taste in this girl's mouth for a long time. And some people are so tuned into the past and are so ignorant, they don't believe people can change.

Misunderstandings = You are too needy, and I only saw you as a friend.

Complications = You don't get the fact that you are too need, and too sappy. This sappy addiction to the lovey dovey.

Just my theory on it with the information you have given. Hope this stirs your mental pot.

-HPNOTIQ- said:

From the little information you're giving, I'm going to assume that you were an AFC when you guys first hung out. Maybe you made the typical AFC mistakes: acting too needy, calling too often, being a baby, asking too many questions, pedistalling, one-itis, etc.

I'm guesses that in that time frame, she had already put you into the catagory of 'creepy guys'. This addiction she's discussing with you maybe your sappiness and AFC ways. Women talk about relationships and share the same thoughts with their friends about experiences with guys as the men on this site do.

I'm sure more than a few of her friends validated her, bashed you, and therefore has given a sour taste in this girl's mouth for a long time. And some people are so tuned into the past and are so ignorant, they don't believe people can change.

Misunderstandings = You are too needy, and I only saw you as a friend.

Complications = You don't get the fact that you are too need, and too sappy. This sappy addiction to the lovey dovey.

Just my theory on it with the information you have given. Hope this stirs your mental pot.

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You are right that is your theory and I appreciate your thoughts, I am far from needy though, maybe six years ago I was...but that was six years ago, and not me today.

We established it was best that we were friends years ago and I was the one that said it.

I think you are right about the friends thing, there was one girl from her circle of friends I went with one night but that is none of her business.

I can also tell you that were as no Oneitis and this is really her problem, I established we were friends years ago and thought we were...it looks like I was wrong.

spread_love said:

We established it was best that we were friends years ago and I was the one that said it.

I think you are right about the friends thing, there was one girl from her circle of friends I went with one night but that is none of her business.

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Maybe she's a bitter b*tch that thinks you're a player that's addicted to chasing skirts. With this new information about other girls, maybe she thinks you're just out for the panties. Thus, the reason in your initial encounter at the bar, she changed her mind to go home with you.

-HPNOTIQ- said:

Maybe she's a bitter b*tch that thinks you're a player that's addicted to chasing skirts. With this new information about other girls, maybe she thinks you're just out for the panties. Thus, the reason in your initial encounter at the bar, she changed her mind to go home with you.

Click to expand...

Possibly man, who really knows?, I know she has a bad run with Men as they find her too clingy oh and one other thing you had me thinking about was the needy thing, dude most of my ex- girlfriends got mad at me because I was more into my music than I was them and I only had one emotional switch and that was off...so I wouldn't say I was needy.

:wave:

this isn't that complicated.

she's been hurt in the past, she's attracted to you but thinks you will f*ck and chuck her.

when she accused you of being addicted to ladies you should have come back with "wow. that's a pretty unfair statement. you're judging me before you even really know me. coffee isn't going to kill you, what do you say?"

she very well may have changed her opinion.

but all that said, no matter how much she had been hurt in the past, if she was highly attracted to you (physically or personality wise) she would have said yes.

and btw, odd rejections are par for the course. i recently asked out this woman and she said 'ummm, its probably not a good idea.' so then i was like 'ok, no problem.' (personally i don't like having to 'work' to convince a girl, either she bites or she doesn't. if she doesn't then her IL is too low and im not interested in having to work my *ss off to raise it.).

anyway, three days later she calls and is like 'J, I was thinking about it and i would like to go out with you."

go figure. she hadn't dated in a while and was nervous i guess, and when i put her on the spot she simply turned me down out of hesitation / fear or dating again. once she had a few days to overcome that anxiety, she called and asked me out.

which is why you shoudl always be polite when you get rejected. you'd be surprised how many women say 'no thanks' only to end up asking you out at a later date (provided you dont turn in to an afc after the rejection).

joekerr31 said:

this isn't that complicated.

she's been hurt in the past, she's attracted to you but thinks you will f*ck and chuck her.

when she accused you of being addicted to ladies you should have come back with "wow. that's a pretty unfair statement. you're judging me before you even really know me. coffee isn't going to kill you, what do you say?"

she very well may have changed her opinion.

but all that said, no matter how much she had been hurt in the past, if she was highly attracted to you (physically or personality wise) she would have said yes.

and btw, odd rejections are par for the course. i recently asked out this woman and she said 'ummm, its probably not a good idea.' so then i was like 'ok, no problem.' (personally i don't like having to 'work' to convince a girl, either she bites or she doesn't. if she doesn't then her IL is too low and im not interested in having to work my *ss off to raise it.).

anyway, three days later she calls and is like 'J, I was thinking about it and i would like to go out with you."

go figure. she hadn't dated in a while and was nervous i guess, and when i put her on the spot she simply turned me down out of hesitation / fear or dating again. once she had a few days to overcome that anxiety, she called and asked me out.

which is why you shoudl always be polite when you get rejected. you'd be surprised how many women say 'no thanks' only to end up asking you out at a later date (provided you dont turn in to an afc after the rejection).

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very good reply here, thanks Man, yeah I said it was a strange thing to say to her, my only intention was to catch up with a friend that I had not seen in a while.

I am not a fan of the drama so it's best to just leave it alone.

Her answer about "your addiction" gives you two clues about her.

1. She is afraid of being played.
Her crack about addiction can be translated thus: " You are popular with the ladies and you have had several girlfriends -you are likely a 'playa' and I fear that if we have a date then you will try to seduce me and I may fall for you and then when you have fvkked me and used me you will dump me and I will be hurt, I am a real scared kitten so, NO THANKS."

THis is her high level of anxiety at work...

2,. She is not being very honest about her real reason which is HER FEAR (above ) so she is into 'blaming' you. Notice how she used a highly emotive and pointed word -"addiction" . This words shifts ALL of the accountability and fault onto YOU -she is blaming you without any real evidence ( but women never wait for, or need evidence) .

This women is not a good prospect she is guarded, and shows signs of being hyper-vigilant. No fun with this babe. man.