Here's the info w/background. Skip to the word BOLD if it's too much info. I'm too damn thorough and just starting to learn this PUA stuff.

I divorced six months back after a 17 year marriage and I have full custody of three kids, I'm 44, etc. so I'm rusty on the dating front. Anyway, I ran into a woman three times at our kids sporting event (yes she has kids too) and she always said a very friendly hello as we passed each other as if she knew me. But I never had time to talk to her.

So one night I'm in a department store and see her a few aisles down. Went over w/my son and introduced myself. Turns out we have some mutual friends, etc. and her daughter played w/my son while we talked for one hour. We got along great so I asked her out. She jumped at the idea and gave me her number before I could even ask. I called her and left her a message. She called back and we talked for twenty minutes and set something up for three nights later if she wasn't too tired w/the other activities she had earlier in the evening.

She called that Thursday and said it was just going to be too much but she wanted to go out soon. I was gone for the next four days and called her Monday night. We talked for a few minutes but she was busy at the time and said she'd call back Tuesday. Didn't hear from her Tuesday but then she called Wednesday and left me a message saying she didn't know I called the night before (I didn't). So I called her back five minutes later and left her another message since she didn't answer.

BOLD

Thursday night she called and said hello and sorry she missed me (bad timing again for my phone signal) and she didn't mean to be rude but she was dealing w/house repairs, etc. and she would maybe call me during the weekend.

Well I was wanting to go out on the weekend so I called her back five minutes after her message. Once again no answer.

I decided to mention going out that moment in the message since it was so hard to connect. So I said "sorry I missed you. I was really hoping we could go out Friday or Saturday night or even Saturday afternoon. Give me a call and let me know before another week slips by".

So I haven't heard back since. Did I sound too desperate with my request? She knew we'd been trying to go out and wants to but she is busy w/two kids and two part-time jobs.

It's now been a week and I haven't heard from her. Should I call her back or give her a few more days and call? If I get her machine again, what's a good thing to say that might hook her to want to call me back or rekindle interest? Is this some sort of game she's playing?


(I posted this in DJ but a few nice folks recommended I put it here as well. Hope this is okay.)

Don't call again.

Do the things you like to do.
Go out anyway. have fun.
Enjoy your hobbies. Go to the beach.
Don't obsess or worry about her.

toss this one out in my opinion.

she's seem to always be 'too busy'.

my gut tells me that she probably hasn't dated in a long time, you threw her a ltitle attention, she got excited, some time passed, she got nervous about the whole dating stuff, and now is backing away.

try to think of it like this.... how many options does your typical single middle aged mother have in this world? i'll tell ya, very very few.

so she should be jumping at the chance to go out with you. she should be re-arranging her schedule to make it happen.

now why isn't she? to be honest, i a lot of people in their 40s have settled in to a routine. and they don't like to be adventurous and try new things. it scares them. they don't want to add further complexities to their life for fear of not being able to cope with it.

so while they get excited over ideas like say dating a guy, they avoid actually doing it.

if i were you i'd cut loose of this one. at this point if she wants to go out with you she is goign to have to call you up with a time and date. but you now need to stop pursuing her.

I agree with the other guys, and for future reference:

She called back and we talked for twenty minutes and set something up for three nights later if she wasn't too tired w/the other activities she had earlier in the evening.

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Don't agree those "maybe" dates. They are a complete waste of your time because she is guaranteed not to show. Any time a girl says, "I can go, but I have to check my schedule against that of my friends/co-workers/mood/etc. so call me back 10 minutes beforehand, and then I'll decide," she's saying "no".

As a last ditch effort, you can say, "look, time is valuable; I can't agree to go anywhere if you're not sure. I have too much other stuff to do." She might be impressed enough to make a date, but it sounds like she was just excited by being hit on. She's not interested.

joekerr31 said:

toss this one out in my opinion.

at this point if she wants to go out with you she is goign to have to call you up with a time and date. but you now need to stop pursuing her.

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THis woman got excited that a MAN paid her some attention - she is in no position,emotionally or otherwise to be in any kind of relationship with anyone. She has had several opportunities to set uop a date with you but did not pull it off - STOP CHASING HER. She has deliberately filled her life up with a LOT of what she already has. THis is the Soccer Mom type with the green minivan driving the kids all over town to sports, dance class, swim practice , little athletics,,... blah blah These women are convinced that they are annointed by GOD to show us all how noble her mothering is. In reality she SH*T SCARED of a relationship and is running away from her own needs as a woman. They do that instead of getting a new life with a new man.

BackInTheGame said:

She called back and we talked for twenty minutes and set something up for three nights later if she wasn't too tired w/the other activities she had earlier in the evening.

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Yes the bs started here...you should have cancelled the offer then and there.

I used to know this girl (I was a clueless AFC at the time) she had a boyfriend. Anyway to cut a long story short she somehow got me back to her place. I'm in her bed but made no moves out of respect for the other guy (he was a friend)...she gave me all this crap about how it wasn't working (they lived together and he was out of town at the time). The next day I thought well maybe I have a chance so I called her and said would you like to have dinner on Friday night. She sais "great why don't you call me Friday about 5pm to confirm as I'm not sure if I'll be going out with friends"....sure I say sounds good.

Friday 5pm on the dot I call and all I get is the sound of eternity

Strike one: don't ever leave voice mail until you have known a skirt for over a month or two. (only tards leave voice mail)

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Nah I dunno about that. Firstly, who does not have caller ID these days? Jesus you can look like s talker if she cant answer the phone or is ignorning the call. Secondly, its a way to test the bird too.

Rule of thumb for me is to call and not leave voicemail first time round. Ill try again in the next few days if she has not returned call. If it RINGS and goes to voicemail, Ill leave a brief message. Just a simple:

"Hi bla bla bla, met you at bla bla bla, here is my number, give me a shout when you have a gap"

If she does not phone you back, she is not keen, and she wont hear from me again. She is not worth the third call to be quite honest, Obviously, if the phone is off and it goes straight to voicemaiil, then dont leave a message.

HEY BACKINTHEGAME, Glad to see you are back. There are numerous reasons why a woman will not call back. DON'T TRY TO FIGURE OUT WOMEN.

You want to learn what you did wrong. You did nothing wrong. You could have increased your chances for example by making definite plans without ifs and not on the voicemail but inevitably the same result would have happened. The issue is with her , not you! She is not ready. MOVE ON.

It's a numbers game, quite frankly. THE LAW OF AVERAGES STATE THAT IF YOU ASK ENOUGH WOMEN OF WHAT YOU WANT , IT IS GUARANTEED YOU WILL FIND MANY WITH HIGH INTEREST LEVELS.

Never focus on one, but on many. I too am guilty of this crime. WE are fallible. Learn and dont repeat.

The answer to your question, "Should i call again?". What does your INTEGRITY tell you?

So I said "sorry I missed you. I was really hoping we could go out Friday or Saturday night or even Saturday afternoon. Give me a call and let me know before another week slips by".

So I haven't heard back since. Did I sound too desperate with my request?

Yes, desperate and available. If you can see her anytime, then that means that you are not dating other women, which lowers your value in her eyes.

Okay. I've read all of your comments and I guess this is the first time I've had a woman that seemed interested stall. But then I've never dealt with a single mother before. Well three women when I was first out of college but we didn't really date-it was mostly sex at my place.

So I think I made a mistake w/the multiple options and should have just waited for her to call back. Maybe I scared her off, maybe she's not dated since her divorce and chickened out.

In the future I need to shorten the talk and act busier and get to the in person action.

Thanks for the tips.