Being a Man

[guru1000]

I have been on this forum for about a month. I read alot of posts, the bible, etc. The message basically is "Be A MAN". But I find strange that alot of the so-called "MEN" on this forum just follow the rules of being a man but are not actually men.

What defines a "MAN". Balls! No better way to describe it. All these suggestions of plate theory, framing , DHV are all strategies of how to be a man. But the truth of the matter is, if you are truly a "MAN", you don't need strategies. Men act! Men do not give a f*ck about anything except their goals! Men do not cry . Men do not get emotional and act like women. Men do not need 10 women to be confident or to appear not desperate; they are not desperate because they are MEN. Men take risks in life because they have balls. Smarter men take calculated risks. Men are aggressive in thought and action. Smarter MEN have a carefully planned out goal and then act aggressively to that goal. The more successful men in business and life have statisically higher testosterone levels. Why? Because they have less fear! Fearless=100% Confidence. Confidence=Higher testosterone. Successful men are more confident men and thus are "MEN". I wouldnt call the average guy an AFC. I would call him a boy. Women naturally are attacted to MEN; so are men. Everybody wants to be around a winner. MEN are winners because they act aggresively to their goals and do not fear failure.

Fear and Confidence are opposite ends of a spectrum. The less you fear, the more confident you are and vice-versa. So Men are confident , thus possess less fear.

In Conclusion, everyone who experienced a loss came to this site seeking answers. And all these strategies are discussed to make "US" not repeat the same mistakes again, with a temporary bandaid. But these strategies do not solve the problem. The solution is in being a "MAN". But then you say hey guru "Read the forum, we already said these are only guidelines until you become a true DJ". I ask is a DJ a "MAN"? A DJ may be better equipped to deal with a women but that does not make him a MAN. Being a MAN in life means care free aggressive action in every goal -related endeavor without emotion to the outcome. A MAN thrives in action, not results. Yet all we hear on this forum is complaining about the results. Ok so now you are a true DJ> Congrats! You know how to handle women (so you say). But what about life? What do you fear in life? Do you fear poverty, sickness, loss of love, loss of character, critism? What do you fear??? Have you ever feared 0%? Is it possible? Under the same token, is it possible to be 100% Confident? I can hear the critics say" You have to fear, you need healthy fears to keep you in line, what you are speaking of is borderline insanity!". I say fear is an inhibitor to confidence. Healthy fears should be rephrased as boundaries not to cross. "I will not kill, not because I fear the consequence but because I choose not to as that is a set boundary of integrity." If fear is truly eliminated or minimized, there are no strategies that are needed.

"MY girl left me, boohoo". Why did she leave you? Were you a boy? Women dont leave MEN.

"I am poor, boohoo". Why are you poor? MEN are only poor after they failed with an aggressive endeavor and even then they dont cry; they do it again with a different approach.

"Women dont like me, boohoo". Because you are not a MAN.

"I am ugly, boohoo". An ugly boy, now I truly feel sorry for you.

"OK I am a Man now but I went out there took a huge risk and lost everything and I have to start over". OK, AND?? Did you learn a way not to do it? So what is the problem?

I can go on and on, just look at every post. BE A MAN! Stop complaining!


This post was edited because of the natural misinterpretations of the critics.

[joekerr31]

this is absurd.

no way in hell you are a successful MAN and posting this drivel. this is the kind of stuff you'd expect out of some 18 year old kid in the locker room before half time to try and pump the team up.

[Drum&Bass]

Very nice, and only a month you were able to realize the pathetic majority on this site !! your ability to think for yourself and real world understanding is a step in the right direction..

the funny thing is...its so easy and you realize that !!
The message basically is "Be A MAN". But I find strange that alot of the so-called "MEN" on this forum just follow the rules of being a man but are not actually men. Soon you will realize that the world is divided into certain groups of people both men and women...people who have the ability to become aware of things and take action without anyone to hold their hand vs. people who are aware of things but need to FOLLOW because they don't have the drive to improve themselves on their own.

that is why so many AFC questions are asked...so many foolish people repeat and wonder about the same thing..so many guys lack confidence..I'm slowly beginning to realize that, like fat women...men who are AFC choose to be AFC, with only a select few who do wake up and are able to drive themselves towards improvement.

In Conclusion, everyone who experienced a loss came to this site seeking answers. And all these strategies are discussed to make "US" not repeat the same mistakes again, with a temporary bandaid. But these strategies do not solve the problem. - Brilliant

I don't agree with your points about fear, because fear is a human emotion..The way a man handles fear is what is important, it is OK to have fear but confidence will allow you to use logic in its presence.

"I will not kill, not because I fear the consequence but because I choose not to as that is a set boundary." If fear is truly eliminated, there are no strategies that are needed.I don't agree with this statement...a man should not kill because killing unless in the act of any form of defense is wrong. having boundaries is pointless unless you understand why you have them.

Men do not give a f*ck! Men do not cry. Men do not get emotional and act like women.very true !! men should not act irrational as women..but having emotion is NOT AN EXCLUSIVE RIGHT ONLY TO BE ENJOYED BY WOMEN...crying or showing any emotion DOES NOT MAKE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LESS OF A MAN.

your still rough around the edges and have a lot to learn but you are definitely ahead of most of the others. keep up the good work.

[guru1000]

this is absurd.

no way in hell you are a successful MAN and posting this drivel. this is the kind of stuff you'd expect out of some 18 year old kid in the locker room before half time to try and pump the team up.


Likely response. Any more critics with a proven track record?

[joekerr31]

Fear and Confidence are opposite ends of a spectrum. The less you fear, the more confident you are and vice-versa. So Men are confident , thus fearless.



actually this is not true. they are not opposite ends of a spectrum. lots of confident people can be afraid at the same time.

cops are a great example. firefighters are another. they are afraid, but they are confident at the same time.

a PUA artist is another example. you think PUA artists don't worry, even just a little, about rejection. sure they do, even if its just a little. but their confidence so outweights their fear that they dive in and get the job done.

telling people not to be 'afraid' of things is idiotic - fear is part of the human experience. rather the focus should be on how to manage your fear when it does occur.

anyway, im out of this post. its so teenagerish theres no point to it.

[joekerr31]

oh one other thing. as for successful men, aggression is NOT the key trait.

even guys like julius ceasar was successful because he knew when to be aggressive and when NOT to be aggressive.

read roman history and you'll see that Sulla, who ruled Rome, basically killed half the ruling class of Rome when he took it over. when ceasar saw this happening ceasar abandoned his fellow allies and sided with sulla.

its idiotic to propose that naked aggression is the key to success in life.

ok, now im out :)

[guru1000]

actually this is not true. they are not opposite ends of a spectrum. lots of confident people can be afraid at the same time.

cops are a great example. firefighters are another. they are afraid, but they are confident at the same time.

a PUA artist is another example. you think PUA artists don't worry, even just a little, about rejection. sure they do, even if its just a little. but their confidence so outweights their fear that they dive in and get the job done.

telling people not to be 'afraid' of things is idiotic - fear is part of the human experience. rather the focus should be on how to manage your fear when it does occur.

anyway, im out of this post. its so teenagerish theres no point to it.


It seems to me , joekker you have read alot of PUA info to derive your comments. I give life experiences. I'm not here to put my resume but one thing I can tell you my friend, this is TRUE experience. Is fear healthy? No it isn't! Read Napolean Hill and stop reading forums. Do you have a track record? Do you know any HEAVYWEIGHTS in life ? Who are your friends? What have you grossed this year? What have you done? I dont need these answers , you already told me. I can tell you are miserably placed in life's web. Wake up and model MEN who are successful.

Teenagerish is your success in life. Your paradigms are small.

When your belief system is challenged , what happens?? Are you where you want to be in life? NO!

It amazes me , how one can such a good DJ, but not a MAN in life.

[guru1000]

oh one other thing. as for successful men, aggression is NOT the key trait.

even guys like julius ceasar was successful because he knew when to be aggressive and when NOT to be aggressive.

read roman history and you'll see that Sulla, who ruled Rome, basically killed half the ruling class of Rome when he took it over. when ceasar saw this happening ceasar abandoned his fellow allies and sided with sulla.

its idiotic to propose that naked aggression is the key to success in life.

ok, now im out :)


You missed the point. Aggressiveness it not what makes a man. Confidence is. Confidence and Fear are opposite ends. It is a Known fact that higher testosterone levels are associated with higher confidence levels.
I'm not even entertaining this anymore , it's like ROLLO explaining plate theory in the LOVESHACK.

[MikeYikes122]

Ehh I think he is on the right track, but he might be over simplifying things way too much. Confidence and manning up is a big part of the battle, but it's not all of it.

If you're in the business of simplifying things, I'd say the basis of all the teachings here is more that chicks are always going to want what they can't have. That's why making yourself the prize works. Spinning plate theory is partly based on this idea as well. Though, I would stay away from simplifying things.

You can't just be confident though. I know so many guys who are confident and while they all have some success with girls, their confidence is annoying and misguided at times. Everyone knows someone who always thinks their right. Confidence without guidance usually becomes arrogance at some level.

You said something about fear. Everyone, with the exception of serial killers maybe, feels fear to some extent. It's just how you manage and deal with fear that makes the difference. When I was running track in high school, I used to get scared sh!tless before races, especially when I was a freshman and sophomore. Eventually, I learned how to use the fear and anxiousness to contribute to by competitive drive and push myself even harder during the race. Even today, ten years later, when I run a race I still use that tactic to deal with pre-race jitters. The fear has subsided some, but it will never completely go away.

[guru1000]

Very nice, and only a month you were able to realize the pathetic majority on this site !! your ability to think for yourself and real world understanding is a step in the right direction..

the funny thing is...its so easy and you realize that !!
Soon you will realize that the world is divided into certain groups of people both men and women...people who have the ability to become aware of things and take action without anyone to hold their hand vs. people who are aware of things but need to FOLLOW because they don't have the drive to improve themselves on their own.

that is why so many AFC questions are asked...so many foolish people repeat and wonder about the same thing..so many guys lack confidence..I'm slowly beginning to realize that, like fat women...men who are AFC choose to be AFC, with only a select few who do wake up and are able to drive themselves towards improvement.

- Brilliant

I don't agree with your points about fear, because fear is a human emotion..The way a man handles fear is what is important, it is OK to have fear but confidence will allow you to use logic in its presence.

I don't agree with this statement...a man should not kill because killing unless in the act of any form of defense is wrong. having boundaries is pointless unless you understand why you have them.

very true !! men should not act irrational as women..but having emotion is NOT AN EXCLUSIVE RIGHT ONLY TO BE ENJOYED BY WOMEN...crying or showing any emotion DOES NOT MAKE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE LESS OF A MAN.

your still rough around the edges and have a lot to learn but you are definitely ahead of most of the others. keep up the good work.

Fear is not healthy. Fear is actually refered to as a "Ghost". Confident , Successful MEN have less FEAR than non confident failures. Fear is an inhibitor. Is it possible to eliminate fear in certain areas of your life completely? Well I ask you this, if confidence is the opposite of fear, is it possible to be 100% confident under the same token. Guess what. If you were a very successful LIQUID MAN today, you would have less fear then 99.9999% of the population. Why? You are VERY CONFIDENT. You have SERIOUS LIQUIDITY.

In regards to boundaries: Your boundaries should be set in accordance to your integrity and livlihood, not to fear.

[mintxx]

jackass. joekerr knows his sh!t. drop the empty rhetoric and talk about the real world.

[Jon55]

I like him just because he challenges all the "DJ"'s.

[mintxx]

maybe he has a point in a half assed way but it's all in vague abstracts

[JustDoItAlways]

The question is how do women respond to a MAN?

In essence, this is all they are looking for. All their tests are designed to find out how much of a MAN you are.

If you congruently act like a MAN, women eventually fall for you and your relationship becomes the best it can be.

[Being a MAN is not the same as being as a badass. Think of what a 25 year old mature woman defines as a real man. In addition, to being the Alpha male, she will think a real man is a guy who is fun to be around, plays sports, drinks beer with his buds, owns a house, would be a good father, etc.]

[Being a Man also means choosing women who are good for you. There are many women who will make your life he4l, no matter how much of a man you are.]

[Rollo Tomassi]

I don't disagree with you GURU, but you're distilling a lot down and calling it common sense. An AFC is indeed a "boy", but we use a lot of terms for lack of a better one. A "boy" can at least claim ignorance; he's immature, inexperienced and does what he impulsively thinks is best or emmulates behaviors and ideologies based on examples he finds in his environment (i.e. other boys). An AFC doesn't have this ignorance as an excuse.

However, as I said, I do agree with what you're getting at in principle. The problem is that the examples for a real, positive masculinity have been so scarce and so thoughroughly marginalized and riduculed that to tell a "boy" to be a Man is equitable to telling him "be ridiculous." How does the boy learn to be the Man in such a world? PUA techniques and DJ theory meant to kill this AFC internalization (mine included) are simply tools. What's frustrating you is that boys, in their X-Box generation escapist laziness, come to see these tool as the end, rather than a means to the end - being a Man. Rote memorization will help you pass a test once, but you wont learn anything in the long term. The same applies to PUA tools. I once played the lead role of MacBeth in college and committed to memory the entirety of that part (no small feat I can tell you), the play was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life, but for the life of me I can't remember more than a line or two from the play now.

As I said, the technique doesn't make you a Man, but they direct you into the confidence that does if one is open to changing himself on the inside as well. Far too many AFC come across Mystery Method or any number of "get the girl" programs and have success with them, but they never make the internal transformation from AFC to mature Manhood. For many it's too much to quick and they end up with the "girl of their dreams" only to endure mental and emotional anguish in an LTR because they never killed their inner AFC and fall back into "boyhood" in their relationship. It becomes a bait & switch proposal for women; they're attracted to the behaviors of a Man that the AFC is taught to emmulate and then have him revert back to a boy in an LTR.

All of that said though, how else do you teach a boy to be a Man in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s, when the only examples ever set for him are those of immature "boyishness"? If 40 is middle age, you're fighting against half a life time of this example being modeled for him. There has to be a starting point. You can call it "fake it til you make it" but what technique tools teach is how to mask a deficit. Women are naturals at this - make up, breast implants, hair color, etc. - that deception is part of being a woman. The guy using PUA tools does the same; he emmulates the behaviors of guys who seem to be 'naturals' at getting women. The tools are useful, but they need to be combined with a real internalized change of perspective and opinion of oneself.

[DavenJuan]

question....

To simplify FEAR VS. CONFIDENCE the way you have makes it seem like being a MAN is to simply not just SHOW, but actually not HAVE any emotion.

which makes me wonder...

what is the satisfaction with accomplishment if a TRUE mand has no fear of anything. I would think accomplishment of anything (women, life, career) has much more fulfillment when you have emotion attached. ??

[STR8UP]

A Man does fear, he just knows how to control, channel, and use that fear to his advantage.

[guru1000]

question....

To simplify FEAR VS. CONFIDENCE the way you have makes it seem like being a MAN is to simply not just SHOW, but actually not HAVE any emotion.

which makes me wonder...

what is the satisfaction with accomplishment if a TRUE mand has no fear of anything. I would think accomplishment of anything (women, life, career) has much more fulfillment when you have emotion attached. ??


Is it possible for a person to be 100% MAN. Thats' an abstract question(Look at the following paragraph). There will always be degrees of incompletion naturally in anything. We all try to be if we understand my ideology, but noone is quite 100% because we are human. Being human makes us fallible and thus not perfect in any extreme. We all slip up and make mistakes. The purpose of my original Post of which Rollo saw right through to capture the essense of it; the solution is to be a MAN.

In this orginal post , I suggest a key attribute of a man is his confidence. Confidence has an inverse relationship with fear. A man who has 100% confidence has 0% fear. Is it possible to have 100% confidence in anything. Yes ! For things that are not important. I can brush my teeth or cross the street with 0% fear. But if it is something of importance my FEAR RADAR goes up because I dont want to lose it. So LEts take a natural PUA. HE has a high confidence level but also a degree of fear in PU. Why because this is his livlihood. If something is that important to us we as human being have an inclination to fear. So the PUA has 95% confidence with a 5% fear factor. Remember they are inverse. What you lack in confidence , you compensate with fear. Most confident MEN when acting inside their livlihoods will usually have percentage points of fear. But the key here is to minimize, if not , elmininate fear.

The less you think of an endeavor, the less it controls you. The more you think of it, the greater the image is in your mind. When an image is large in your mind, you percieve it as important. Once it becomes important, it's an instantaneous fear that we get naturally as sane human beings. The more you think about it, the more threads of fear you attach to this endeavor. Think about it enough with inaction, all of a sudden it becomes terror. Action is the only things that eliminates the bulk of these threads of fear because with action comes results and less percieved importance (it's not as important if it is being addressed and resolved).

I can go on and on, I just dont have the time. My point is to stop procrastinating, act aggressively to your thought out goals. Minimize your fear by thinking less and acting more.

[guru1000]

I don't disagree with you GURU, but you're distilling a lot down and calling it common sense. An AFC is indeed a "boy", but we use a lot of terms for lack of a better one. A "boy" can at least claim ignorance; he's immature, inexperienced and does what he impulsively thinks is best or emmulates behaviors and ideologies based on examples he finds in his environment (i.e. other boys). An AFC doesn't have this ignorance as an excuse.

However, as I said, I do agree with what you're getting at in principle. The problem is that the examples for a real, positive masculinity have been so scarce and so thoughroughly marginalized and riduculed that to tell a "boy" to be a Man is equitable to telling him "be ridiculous." How does the boy learn to be the Man in such a world? PUA techniques and DJ theory meant to kill this AFC internalization (mine included) are simply tools. What's frustrating you is that boys, in their X-Box generation escapist laziness, come to see these tool as the end, rather than a means to the end - being a Man. Rote memorization will help you pass a test once, but you wont learn anything in the long term. The same applies to PUA tools. I once played the lead role of MacBeth in college and committed to memory the entirety of that part (no small feat I can tell you), the play was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life, but for the life of me I can't remember more than a line or two from the play now.

As I said, the technique doesn't make you a Man, but they direct you into the confidence that does if one is open to changing himself on the inside as well. Far too many AFC come across Mystery Method or any number of "get the girl" programs and have success with them, but they never make the internal transformation from AFC to mature Manhood. For many it's too much to quick and they end up with the "girl of their dreams" only to endure mental and emotional anguish in an LTR because they never killed their inner AFC and fall back into "boyhood" in their relationship. It becomes a bait & switch proposal for women; they're attracted to the behaviors of a Man that the AFC is taught to emmulate and then have him revert back to a boy in an LTR.

All of that said though, how else do you teach a boy to be a Man in his 20s, 30s, or even 40s, when the only examples ever set for him are those of immature "boyishness"? If 40 is middle age, you're fighting against half a life time of this example being modeled for him. There has to be a starting point. You can call it "fake it til you make it" but what technique tools teach is how to mask a deficit. Women are naturals at this - make up, breast implants, hair color, etc. - that deception is part of being a woman. The guy using PUA tools does the same; he emmulates the behaviors of guys who seem to be 'naturals' at getting women. The tools are useful, but they need to be combined with a real internalized change of perspective and opinion of oneself.


I AGREE. However, like you said, instilling techniques of confidence gets you in the door but inevitably will lead to LTR demise because a change is not made. A more internal change has to made to sustain MANHOOD. How can this change be made? Why did Anthony Robbins make people walk on firey coals? To change their internal belief system.

I can teach a person how to make money but if I dont change their internal beliefs, when I leave they are still in their same PARADIGM.

Yes when a BOY hits their 30's and 40's it is much harder to change their internal beliefs. It is like a zebra with stripes. The only way to CHANGE anyone is for them to associate enough PAIN to their old behavior that it is less painful to CHANGE. Thus the forum. But teaching techniques of a MAN is a only a Quick Fix, a temporary solution , just a Bandaid. Inevitably without the internal core changing, the same result will happen.

So the question now becomes how do you change the internal core belief system? How do you change's one life long beliefs and convictions? First thing I ask is "How Hurt are you". Do you want to change? Are you willing to be challenged ? Instilling a new belief system is the solution. What is the basis of this new System of being a MAN?

I have a strategy that I employ for my businesses. I work with people's fears.
Why? If I am able to eliminate or minimize their fears, I am changing an internal strong belief. In this temporary motivational technique, I lead people to ACTION of previous inaction paralyzed by FEAR or SET WAYS(stripes on the zebra). Through this action(of which was never previously done) , their beliefs of themselves change. WHY? Different actions lead to different results. Different results lead to different perceptions and beliefs. Your belief system is slave to your current outcome(life). I stress"Dont focus on the outcome, only on the action". I say this so they are not slaved to thier outcome driven belief system. Take different ACTIONS, your belief system changes.

I explained this only with a few paragraphs. To fully explain this would take alot of time. I hope you get the "behind the scenes" value.

[bigjohnson]

Confidence has an inverse relationship with fear.

Ignorance can reduce or eliminate fear just as surely, yet I wouldn't promote ignorance as a solution. Fear and confidence are related but I would dispute that the relationship is as simple as straight inversion. Confidence will overcome fear, allow men to continue despite adversity.

Fear is a very useful thing.

[Interceptor]

His post just sounds a lot liek all the other posts I've seen...you know the ones...posts complaining that there's too many posts complaining.

I don't know about you, but I know that people come to this forum to ask for advice or get some feedback on a certain problem they have,. The purpose of the site is to be a resource for men who have problems, NOT Successes with women, dating, and life in general, so they come here for some guidance.
They come here to be eductaed, and take action with whatever advice may be given, in addition to the knowledge (say, the Book of Pook) they have gained and put into practice in their daily life.

I don't see the point of this guy's post.

"Be a Man." We now this already. We're trying to provide a bridge form Point A to Point B.
We're dispensing advice on how to be a Man.

What is he doing?

Compaining about it, it seems.


If one is already Self Realized, Self Actualized, so far ahead of the "pack". then what are you doing on this site??

Complaining.


I guess if you don't like it you can always go to LoveShack.

Anyway, I don't take seriously anyone who says anything so generic as "men don' give a f*k, men don't cry, men don't get emotional." Total sophomoric bullsh*t.
Childish, really.
I do agree that men shoudln't act like women.

I will give you a scenario. Your beloved wife of 25 years is in the hospital with cancer. Incurable. Your beautiful children standing there crying looking at their mom who's going to die.Think about that one.

REAL Men will cry, they will give a Fvck, they will be emotional, because they feel the emotions of sadness, grief, sorrow, etc. Because they're Human.
Will they show it to their wife? Maybe, maybe not. That's personal choice. And you , nor I, nor anyone else on this God Blessed planet of ours has the RIGHT to condemn him or judge him for doing so.

Now if you're talking about a sociopathic , self centered arrogant bastard, well then I see your case.
But I don't subscribe to that "ideal". It seems you do.
However, there's a problem when you make a post with the intention of dictating, and condescending others. Especially with no strategies to cope or overcome the challenges we face here.

Anyway,I'm out too. I'm with joekerr, who gets my respect ten times more than you do.

[MikeYikes122]

"Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It's like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn."
-Mike Tyson

I wish I could have seen him say this. I bet that was hilarious.

[joekerr31]

great post intercept! :up:

this is why i say the poster has to be like 17 or something. and probably blessed to have had no hardships in life and thinks all you have to do is mimic wesley snipes or chuck norris and then you'll be a 'man'.

and thank you for pointing out this guys circular logic.

'i'm complaining that im sick and tire of you guys complaining. if all you have to do is complain then you shouldn't be here. which is why im here, to complain."

sounds like a f*cking woman. :whistle:

[bigjohnson]

You're all just a bunch of haters, admit it ......

[Interceptor]

No, we just don't like you.:rolleyes:

[bigjohnson]

Well sure, of course, that goes almost without saying.

[Interceptor]

:crackup: :up:

[guru1000]

His post just sounds a lot liek all the other posts I've seen...you know the ones...posts complaining that there's too many posts complaining.

I don't know about you, but I know that people come to this forum to ask for advice or get some feedback on a certain problem they have,. The purpose of the site is to be a resource for men who have problems, NOT Successes with women, dating, and life in general, so they come here for some guidance.
They come here to be eductaed, and take action with whatever advice may be given, in addition to the knowledge (say, the Book of Pook) they have gained and put into practice in their daily life.

I don't see the point of this guy's post.

"Be a Man." We now this already. We're trying to provide a bridge form Point A to Point B.
We're dispensing advice on how to be a Man.

What is he doing?

Compaining about it, it seems.


If one is already Self Realized, Self Actualized, so far ahead of the "pack". then what are you doing on this site??

Complaining.


I guess if you don't like it you can always go to LoveShack.

Anyway, I don't take seriously anyone who says anything so generic as "men don' give a f*k, men don't cry, men don't get emotional." Total sophomoric bullsh*t.
Childish, really.
I do agree that men shoudln't act like women.

I will give you a scenario. Your beloved wife of 25 years is in the hospital with cancer. Incurable. Your beautiful children standing there crying looking at their mom who's going to die.Think about that one.

REAL Men will cry, they will give a Fvck, they will be emotional, because they feel the emotions of sadness, grief, sorrow, etc. Because they're Human.
Will they show it to their wife? Maybe, maybe not. That's personal choice. And you , nor I, nor anyone else on this God Blessed planet of ours has the RIGHT to condemn him or judge him for doing so.

Now if you're talking about a sociopathic , self centered arrogant bastard, well then I see your case.
But I don't subscribe to that "ideal". It seems you do.
However, there's a problem when you make a post with the intention of dictating, and condescending others. Especially with no strategies to cope or overcome the challenges we face here.

Anyway,I'm out too. I'm with joekerr, who gets my respect ten times more than you do.

You missed the foundation of the post. Both you and Joekker. You are too focused on the words rather than the meaning. I dont need your approval or respect. Maybe Joeker needs that as it gives him meaning. Fact of the matter is if this message is repeated, then why practice strategies? Practice internal belief system change. If you get the mesage great, What are you going to do about it? If you are here to so called "Preach and Teach", Learn the right way first. Techniques dont last, internal beliefs do. I dont need a following in a DJ Forum. I have my own world. But when you see post after post displaying the same incorrect internal beliefs, Guess what? It doesn;'t work well. Why was the wheel never reinvented? It works.

If you think for a minute, you have all the right answers, that's great. You have conviction. But is your conviction correct? Do you succeed in life mentally, physically ,spiritually, financially and physioligically with these core convictions? If you do, keep up the good work. If not, don't challenge another idealogy. That makes you foolish.

I dont justify my words(methaphorically) in my OP, but I do justify the meaning of which you missed.

In terms of strategies of coping and overcoming, read the whole post.

[joekerr31]

Both you and Joekker. You are too focused on the words rather than the meaning.

this guy has got to be a troll. what you said makes zero sense.

we are too focused on your words? what do you want us to focus on?

this is the kind of sh*t that chics say 'you KNOW what i mean!"

we aren't psychics sherman.

[Phyzzle]

The basic idea was fine. Joekerr, you've made the same post before, but with No Upper Case Letters.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130902

On the other hand, I haven't read any of these 'epic' posts for a long while now. There's enough rambling rhetoric in skip2mylou's threads to last 10 lifetimes. Or DJ Bible or Book of Pook. Just talking about day to day life is inspiration enough.

EDIT: All of skip's threads have been deleted!! Ha! I didn't notice that.

[Phyzzle]

this is why i say the poster has to be like 17 or something.

Well, he doesn't quite write like a former millionaire stock broker/ex-con. But then again, at least he uses capitals, Douchefus. :)

[bigjohnson]

.... You are too focused on the words rather than the meaning. ....

Words mean things doofus. Don't try to put your shortcomings as a writer off on the readers. Step up and write what you mean if you've got something worthwhile, but don't expect people to read your mind-dump and see any message you intend beyond what you actually wrote.

[MikeYikes122]

The basic idea was fine. Joekerr, you've made the same post before, but with No Upper Case Letters.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=130902

On the other hand, I haven't read any of these 'epic' posts for a long while now. There's enough rambling rhetoric in skip2mylou's threads to last 10 lifetimes. Or DJ Bible or Book of Pook. Just talking about day to day life is inspiration enough.

EDIT: All of skip's threads have been deleted!! Ha! I didn't notice that.

I might be dating myself a little with this, but did you ever read Puerto Rican Lover's threads? I'm assuming he got banned, but I remember that guy coming on here and lecturing like a televangelist in posts that sometimes spanned 1,500 words.

[Interceptor]

Well, he doesn't quite write like a former millionaire stock broker/ex-con. But then again, at least he uses capitals, Douchefus. :)
Hey , who you callin' a "douchefus"???!


Oh, and speaking of which...what was that guy's name again? The millionaire/ex con with the over aggressive attitude?
Whatever happened to him? Anybody know?


And as for guru, well, the guy was trying to get something across. It was failry good, and interesting, but it was surrounded by other "stuff".
Johnson did make a fairly accurate description with the term "mind dump".
I've been guilty of that before. Sometimes the whole streamofconsciousnesswritingstyle does not go over well, and you end up confusing the issue that you think you see so clearly.
Note to self :"Be concise Think quality and clarity, not quantity!"
Anyway, let's get back to our old selves and make peace.

Oh, and guys, if you haven't looked up Dr. Paul's site, and the Authentic Man Program, you're missing out on some background of this topic we're trying to clear up.
So stop being "douchefusses" (is that a word??) or whatever, and get to reading!!
get to it!!
Now!
http://doctorpaul.net/

http://www.kwml.com/contemplate/assembler.php?page=welcome

http://www.authenticmanprogram.com/index3.php


:moon:

[bigjohnson]

Well it looked like there might be a good point in that mess someplace but since he claims to be a guy I'm not gonna treat him like a woman and try to puzzle out what he means, I rather expect him to be able to use his brain to organize his message and present it.

So I'm not dismissing his intent out of hand, just pointing out that he needs to step his communication skills up if he wants to make a point.

[Interceptor]

LOL@BJ.
Yeppers.:crackup:

Hopefully he'll be back and try to clarify his point, and not act like a "douchefus".
I like that word. I think I'll keep using it.:rolleyes:

[bigjohnson]

I think many here dispute that being born male makes you a man. I know I do in any sense beyond the purely pedantic.

[guru1000]

a man to me; the ideal anyway; is simply a guy that can take control. The more in control, the more of a man. The kind of guy that everyone looks to; the one who is most confident, the guy that is running the show. He doesn't need to flaunt it or anything and yet everyone knows he is tha man. If he wants the frame on something its his for the taking. He can look you dead in the eye and everyone just knows. I wouldn't say its all about testosterone though. Sure he does have it; but he doesn't have to look like Terminator or nothin. He will have a certain air about him tho; a kind of dominance; and yet he doesn't have to be aggressive at all. He is just 'the man' and people respect him. He looks after people; he leads; and ppl go with him; they feel safe.

thats pretty much what i think of.

how much money he makes; his looks; his height; his interests; his hobbies; got nothin to do with it. he can cry if he wants; although i doubt he would; unless if say his parents died or something; everything else probably wouldn't phase the man. HE IS IN CONTROL afterall. When i think of an AFC i think of a guy who is NOT in control.



Yes, control is a KEY attribute of confidence. A confident MAN is in control most of the time because he has direction and less fear of failure (than the average) towards that direction. But confidence is only one facet of MAN. Integrity is another.

Let me take a step back, and invite others to share what else constitutes a MAN. No condescending arguements as a true MAN pointed out to me, just insight.

[guru1000]

Here is a little cut and paste for all your "Fear is healthy" buffs from a true GURU.



THE SIX GHOSTS OF FEAR:
Fear is nothing more than a state of mind.
6 basic fears (in order of how common they are):

1. Poverty
2. Criticism
3. Ill health
4. Lost love: The symptom of this is jealousy
5. Old age: Do you often think about dying?
and
6. Death

Every human being has the ability to control their own mind. Analyse your fear. All these fears rob us of our initiave; they stop us using the amazing powers of our imagination.
Accept your fears. Don't be susceptible to negative influences. Do you use alibis ("if only").
Fears are common and some of them are justified. Others can take root without you even knowing it. The most valuable treasure of all good health is achieved, when you conquer fear and banish worry...and the illness it can bring.
"A fearless man thrives on far horizons."

We become what we think about most often.

[guru1000]

Yet another quote:


The fear of POVERTY
The fear of CRITICISM
The fear of ILL HEALTH
The fear of LOSS OF LOVE OF SOMEONE
The fear of OLD AGE
The fear of DEATH
Some people tend to suffer only from one specific fear, but most of us are affected by several of them.

It is vitally important that you are absolutely clear that fears are a state of mind. We consciously or unconsciously create fears to protect ourselves, allegedly. In fact, they create an opposite effect to protection. In the stone age fears had their right to exist. A “good healthy fear” of anything insured the stone age man’s survival. Yet he knew nothing about fear of criticism, poverty or old age. These are “civilization fears” we created artificially.

So, some fears have been good back then, but what nowadays really protects us is the absence of fear. Hill gives us the example of the physicians, who never became infected by contagious diseases because of their immunity which solely consisted on their absolute lack of fear.

Does that mean that merely fear is attracting just what we are afraid of? You can bet it does. That’s the law of attraction helping us to get what we desire. And we do exactly that: we have it constantly in our mind, connect it with a very powerful emotion, negative but powerful. That’s all the law of attraction needs to fulfill our thoughts.

Think about that.

The fear of loss is the basic fear of loosing a person you love. A person you think you need in your life in order to survive. Would you believe me when I say that I experienced myself how my fear of loosing literally drove the person I loved away from me? That is true.

When we fear to loose someone, we’d take measures that we think will ensure the person we love stayed with us. What would we do? What measures would we take?

We would do anything to assure that our partner loved us
We would very often tell them that we loved them ourselves
We would very often get very very jealous
We would accuse, argue, fight
Jealousy is in fact the most common symptom for that fear.

And all this because we are afraid to loose our partner, despite of loving him/her so much.

I will give you an example.

Here’s an email of a reader that demonstrates what I mean:

We have both been hurt in past relationships, her more so than I have. I was cheated on by a girlfriend at 17, and that’s following me to this day. Since we both live so far away, and we won’t get to see each other again since august, past fears have started to resurface in both of us, especially since we have recently learned in more detail our sexual past. For some reason, even though neither of us has even thought of being with someone else physically or otherwise since we’ve met or even become exclusive, this has distraught us to the point of severe anxiety and depression over the last few days. The mere thought of her with another guy drives me insane, and the thought of me with another girl drives her insane. These thoughts have started to plague both of us.

We talk about it incessantly, and it seems like the only way to cope with them is to reassure each other every day. It has gotten to the point, a few days ago, where neither of us could function normally during the day because of the severe anxiety caused by these thoughts. Furthermore, we are so afraid of them that neither of us wants the other to be around persons of the opposite sex for too long, and we are even afraid of the possibility of flirting with other people. I trust her, and I know she won’t do it, but somehow I can’t get these nagging thoughts out of my head.

This distance thing has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life, and I have absolutely every intention to marry this girl in the next couple of years, so how do I cope with these thoughts? Neither of us ever spends ANY time with people of the opposite sex, and so it seems unreasonable to even have these thoughts, and yet we get jealous at the POSSIBILITY of unfaithfulness, even though this has never happened and neither of us ever do it. What can we do?

Being in a long distance relationship doesn’t help in this situation, it makes things worse.

I wrote to this young reader that the solution here is to understand and accept that they can not help each other in that matter. They’ve learned already that reassuring faithfulness only lasts about 24 hours, before it haunts them again.

So, it is indispensable that both work on their personal problems first. The solution for their relationship problems will follow.

There a multiple reasons for the fear of loss and it is not always clear where the fear is coming from. It is my opinion that when fear of loss and fear of unfaithfulness gets real bad it is usually a lack of self-confidence, the feeling you do not deserve each other. Very often you have some experiences in your life, like being dumbed or being cheated on, that amplify that believe.

That is why reassuring each others faithfulness usually doesn’t work.

You first have to learn that you are lovable persons. You have to love YOURSELVES first. You have to be FAITHFUL that whatever happens, you will deal with it. Affirmations are a very good way to achieve this. Only then you will notice that the fear of loss and unfaithfulness will be gone. And only then you will have trust in each other. Overcoming jealousy is first loving yourself and getting clear with yourself. All else will follow.

Of course, this seems like an arduous task, the inner voices keep telling the opposite, but you have to work constantly on it.

There is no other or easier way. At least I don’t know one.

Keep fighting this haunting ghost, for it knows only evil

[Analytic]

I think what Guru is meant to say that we all know the answers to our problems but yet we seek alternative ways to solve our problems rather then just grab our balls and face our fear. If you've been here long enough you don't need anymore tips from this site. Just go out there and learn from your mistake.

It doesn't mean all the advice on this site other then "just be a man" is useless though. People don't know how to be a man, that's why they are here.

[bigjohnson]

I dunno what he said - there's just way too much bold in that last bunch to bother with.

[bigjohnson]

I realize it's gonna be tough for a guy who can't grasp proper use of capitalization to understand. I don't hate you, after all you are with the other half of the population on the low side of that Gaussian curve.

[John-467]

guru......define this: WHAT IS A MAN?

From Pook to Oprah....from Dr. Phil to Larry King....everybody seems to have many DEFINITIONS of what a MAN is.

A WOMAN seems simple....it's a thing with breasts and a vagina.

A MAN must be something OTHER than just a regular male with a penis.

How can you say that a woman left a guy because he wasn't MAN enough? What is a man? Most times a woman will leave a guy for someone with no job, no goals, in and out of jail....THAT guy is a MAN?

If that's what a MAN is I'd rather trade my balls in and be something else.

When are YOU guru and a lot of the other guys on this forum going to come to the realization that women in America....AREN'T ATTRACTED TO MEN. They are attracted to POWER.

No....not POWERFUL MEN....but rather MEN they can manipulate. You think it's the other way around huh?

1.) Women dress sexy to SEDUCE YOU. You NEVER seduce women....women SEDUCE YOU! She uses it to get you in....and then uses "love" as the BOND to MANIUPULATE.

A MAN can't be manipulated. A woman CAN'T SEDUCE A MAN. A MAN DEMANDS A WOMAN TO HUMBLE HERSELF....most women in America WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS.

Wake up.

[Interceptor]

http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98_mafia.html

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_150/184_dating_advice.html

[guru1000]

http://www.askmen.com/money/mafioso_60/98_mafia.html

http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_150/184_dating_advice.html


Seems like Mr. Mafioso and myself are in agreement of what a man is. ;)

[Interceptor]

You see how deep down how much we have in common?

And why it's important, at least here in the MM section, we try to be diplomatic and really listen to other's opinions, and respect their right to express it, and believe it..even if it's different than our own.


The more I participate here in the MM section, the more I realize how much of a brotherhood we really have in here.

Hey, read this, you Brotherhood of the Dog:


http://www.dogbrothers.com/

[betterthandead]

this is absurd.

no way in hell you are a successful MAN and posting this drivel. this is the kind of stuff you'd expect out of some 18 year old kid in the locker room before half time to try and pump the team up.

Usually guys who tell other guys what defines a real man typically has zero idea on what a masculine man should be. An associate of mines thinks me listening to 80s music is "girly" when he spends his time watching Professional Wrestling and Dressing in a fashion that makes him look like "Thug Rapstar"...F*cking Tool.

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I respect guru's ideas as well as joekrr's and anyone else's beliefs that are different than mine. We once needed to be told that the earth was round before someone had the B*LLS to face their fears of being outcasted and actually explored our so called 'flat earth'.

Personally, I see it more and more as I age. With age comes a certain comfort level. People do not want to change things that have worked for them. Nobody wants to change tried and true methods. So what eventually happens? We get complacent. We get lazy. We like our current success so much, that we forget there are more degrees of success out there. And sometimes, we ultimately get scared and fear these new things. Why? Because (and I admit this to whoever is reading this) we hate to admit that we have not actually acheived our full potential.

As we age, I can see how we can get comfortable in our tiny "SAFE" world. Our world is filled with warm and fuzzy feeling. It is free from the jagged edges of change, failure, planning, trying, and rejection. I understand what guru is saying because it does ring true. Sometimes we are scared to go back to school to finish that degree, ask for that raise, find a better partner, find a better job because we are flat out scared of change. We are scared of the result. We are scared of the rejection. We don't like the challenge something new brings because whether or not the change can help us, we are too busy being scared and psyching ourselves out of it. Whether it be the decision to ask that beautiful blonde that works at the coffee shop out for a drink, or the decision to ask the boss for a raise -- as we age, we get comfortable.

For some guys, that is fine. Some guys like the everyday, mundane routine that has been working for himself for years.

But I can agree to guru to a degree. I'd like some change in my life too. And the comfort of my current life has, admittingly, made my life stagnent the past few months.

Thank you for this post. I don't see it as pointless drivel, maybe its a swift kick in the n*ts some guys that aren't too proud to admit may need it.

[guru1000]

Double