I was talking to a chick I know the other day about this.

She had a big thing for me in the past, still does I'm sure, and she was of the opinion that the BEST time to bring someone into your life is when you are going through a lot of problems. She might not be the best person to take advice from on this subject though....

Me, if it happens that you find someone great while your life is a mess and she understands that you have to take care of other things and that you might not be the most cheerful and well adjusted person, as long as she knows what is going on it's no big deal. But to try to actively pursue a relationship when you don't have the time or energy to develop a relationship, not to mention the bad vibe you bring around....I kinda don't think it's fair to the other person.

I mean, you can't just choose when you are going to meet someone you really have a connection with, so I'm not ruling anything out. Hell, it would be AWESOME to have someone who could help me escape reality once in awhile, I just don't know if it would be right to get into something unless I see a GREAT upside potential.

What do you think?

dont know if there is a right answer to this one.

the older i get hte more im realizing that the seriousness with which we take life is soooooooooo misplaced.

the years keep ticking by and before you know it we'll be checking out.

so within that context i would argue that you should always pursue a woman if she catches your fancy, even if your life is a total disaster.

i'll tell ya why - if she's the chic for you, shes going to see through all the chaos in your life at that period of time.

if she isn't hte chic for you long term, she'll probably bail on you. but who cares, she wasn't the one for you.

but either way, better to open a door than leave it closed.

the only exception would be if dating will negatively impact other areas of your life. so if you can't stay focused on business cuz your dating, then you need to potentially not date till business slows down.

STR8UP said:

What do you think?

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When the stomach is hungry, the mind will eat anything.

Or rather, when life sucks, we are prone to irrational decision-making. It's easy to lose your objectivity when you're down, as people are naturally inclined to seek the path of least resistance.

I know for me, my standards for the women in my life, and the quality of the personal relationships I'll engage in, are far higher when I'm inspired about life and am in a better overall state of well-being.

The abilities of staying self-critical, objective, and controlling the impulse to engage in escapist behaviors during times of heavy stress are strong character traits that allow us to successfully adapt, and thus evolve in our lives. This applies to choosing the women we'll associate with as much as any other focus of our time and energy.

joekerr31 said:

i'll tell ya why - if she's the chic for you, shes going to see through all the chaos in your life at that period of time.

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joekerr, You've made some great posts lately, and I'm definitely in agreement with your "life is short" viewpoint, but I disagree with this particular statement. I don't think that women see through all the chaos. They only "see" what they feel, and they only feel based on what they're attracted to.

When your life is chaotic, you will tend to attract the unstable drama-seekers. It's easy to convince yourself that she sees through the turbulence, when in all reality it's the turbulence that has her interested in the first place. I'm not saying don't open that door, but just bear in mind the conditions under which an attraction was created. She feels the conditions of the here and now, not the past or future.

My thought is that although it's harder to attract a woman (especially a quality woman) when your life is in disarray, if a chick is into you she will take the good with the bad. That's why I don't think it's fair to drag someone into a mess. She isn't thinking clearly.

But then again, women LOVE to fix things up. Even the good ones.

As far as ME accepting sub standard women when my life is a mess....yea, I can see that happeneing. The chick who i was fukking for awhile who obviously liked cocaine more than she liked me was a prime example. She was a sweet girl and all but her drug habit caused her to flake. She was was more of a mess than I will ever be. It was fun while it lasted and no harm no foul, but it was a great example of a person who I probably normally wouldn't involve myself with.

I guess it could go either way. There are no prospects in the pipeline to speak of, so this is all hypothetical anyway. I guess I will just take it as it comes. If something good falls into my lap I'm not going to push her away, that's for sure.

Matter of fact, here is an excerpt from a convo I had with this girl. Notice how she shuns the idea that it's bad to get involved with someone who is going through issues in their life. Pay special attention to this quote:

cause i thought even though ur life if so crazy i coulda been that good thing in the middle of it all u kno

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She is still attracted to me and thus is willing to accept MY challenges as hers.

E: its been on my mind lately
E: and for some reason this weekend koinda made a lot of it all new aga
E: it was wierd
E: back in the day i really did care for u ya kno
STR8: yes
E: and im sure u knew this
E: u just had to
E: but i always felt that ebcause of my age or what ever that nothing woulda came about it
E: i moved because of a lot of things mixed together but that was part of it
E: and when i saw u and "M"
E: i kinda realized u were never gona be the type to settle even a little u kno
E: and that made me sad
E: cause i thought even though ur life if so crazy
E: i coulda been that good thing in the middle of it all u kno
E: but i knew u were "jaded" and prolly because of my age u would never take me seriously
STR8: i always took you seriously
E: or even under the curcumstaces ffrom when we met and sutf fu kno
STR8: even tho i tease you
STR8: i do that to people i like
E: but u woulda have never taken me seriously if u knew i cared for u more than i really did u kno
E: and i didnt wanan be "that" girl
E: like "L" u kno
STR8: i know what you mean
STR8: i suppose there is some truth to your theories about me
E: some truth....
E: its all true
E: and if u would quit being to scared
E: u might just have something actually really genuinly good
E: but u dont let urself
E: and its not about ebing rediculously busy
E: its not so dont
STR8: unfortunately these days it is
E: ay please
STR8: i dont like to make any more of an issue of it than I have to but Im not in bery good shape right now
STR8: very
STR8: Im almost at a point where I don;t even think I want to be around my friends much
E: but when u feel liek that thats when u need to reach out
STR8: thats not the time when you need to bring someone into your life
E: cause u cant emotionaly expect for u to be able to deal all on ur own
STR8: that kind of stuff repels people, especially good ones
E: but ur just so head strong u cant even see that
E: not true
STR8: i really dont meet very many good people
E: or maybe u have but u cant even see it
STR8: and the ones who are good maybe they just arent right for me
E: cause u have this increaidble awall around u protecting u
STR8: that just kinda happens when youve been though crap
E: oh like i havent
STR8: and to a point it is useful
E: being able to get throught he **** that dosent kill u is what makes humans so resiliant u kno
STR8: trust me, if I were to find a girl who was compatible things would be different
E: well i hope u find her and hold on to her
E: u deserve it thats for sure

yes sometimes there are moments in your life when you can not handle a long term relationship.