major inner game issue.

maybe i have a mental disorder, or this is common, who knows. but i think people see me as the "guy who does anything guy" which makes me appear unstable. if i let myself go and not watch what i say, i come off as very random and say lots of stupid things and people laugh and just say "oh ligyron.."

this is a daily issue. i often say things (usually a question) that is out of place, and everyone laughs (in a bad way). so i have to watch everything i say and but then i just come off as stupid and it's hard to carry on a conversation because im thinking way too much.

however, lots of times, around different people i am like the life of the conversation and i feel like i'm expressing who i really am and having a great time and don't mess up (at least no one's laughing) and i'm not thinking about what to say, it's usually with people that dont know me well, or i automatically view them as lower status than me (because of their age or the value i place on them)

i tend to make great first impressions, but then after being around someone for a while and the more i talk, the worse i think they see me as. at the same time, i have a friend who doesn't say ****, but his body language is 'alpha' and the few words he does say is consistent so he gets lots more respect than me, and i see him as stable.

i just think people see me as unstable, random, just a joke, and cant be taken seriously

"you say the most random stupidiest ****"
"you never know what ligyron's going to say"

at the same time, i dont see how my comments are any different from other people. if i **** something up, and everyone meanfully laughs at me. i feel like saying "you've known me for 2 years, why the hell do you still laugh when i **** up? you should expect it now and move on" people **** up on TV sitcoms all the time (ie kramer), and no one stops what they're doing and laughs

no matter how much i read this material, observe other people, apply things, this is one quality of my personality that's keeping me back, and ive not yet been about to pinpoint the problem and correct it. i dont know how i can enter into a conversation, and just express myself, talk about what's on my mind, keep a conversation going, and be a person that people respect. i dont really feel connected to people, even those ive known for a year. im kind of that outsider that is always tagging along and putting a bit of reactive input into conversations, sometimes saying interesting stuff/making good jokes, but otherwise just "there" i have friends that will call me up to do stuff and whatnot, but i still get made fun of

all my friends have their own identity. i pretty much know each of their limits, and cant even picture them doing certain things, because it's just "not them" me, on the other hand, will pretty much say and do anything. i think i say what i think people want to hear

i remember in high school going to school with two different style shoes on each foot (accident), having trouble concentrating and following directions, pronouncing words wrong, things like that

that's the best i can do to describe myself. please help

I don't really have advice, but I can relate to some extent. I too tend to be the guy who just around all the time, but I never really connect with people. The key thing that I am trying to do is define my identity and then amplify it. I blend in too much because I am introverted (not shy, just not much of a talker).

My best advice is you cannot change who you are, but you can certainly make your best qualities stand out. It's just a matter of finding out makes you unique and then not giving a f*** about what everybody thinks.

btw, if your friends make fun of you, ditch them. You don't need to take that s**t.

S-House said:

...
btw, if your friends make fun of you, ditch them. You don't need to take that s**t.

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No. A little s*it talking between buddies is a healthy component of any relationship. Maybe you just need to realize this.

Yapper said:

No. A little s*it talking between buddies is a healthy component of any relationship. Maybe you just need to realize this.

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i realize that. my friends bust each other's balls all the time

they're still my friends, and it's not like they're complete *******s to me all the time. they will make fun of me when i say or do something stupid, but we still get along fine besides that. but i do stupid stuff too much (apparently), as described in my post, and i need help. i'm not going to ditch them, because i'll just have the same problem with any new longterm friends i make

someone will probably reply "everyone does stupid stuff sometimes that's life" but there's more going on than that. there's an issue here, related to respect/identity or something, that i can't figure out on my own. something's missing. im not being viewed by others as i deserve to be

Seems to me that you provide the mindless amusement for your clique.

Everyone has a spot in their group.

Want it to change? Then I'd advise you to stop saying stupid, mindless siht.

It's fine to muse when the situation is appropriate.

However, if you bring up kitty litter when someone's having a serious conversation...

Then don't expect a friendly reaction. :flowers:

Dude, you are answering your own questions.

First, let me say to the guy who said "you cannot change who you are". Buddy, you are WRONG. Because the OP's main problem is that HE DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. His "being", "essence", or "identity"... or "reality" (notice ive been returning to this word in my posts if you read them), have not FORMED yet. Instead, other people FORM YOUR reality, you hear me.

Listen, either create your world, or others will continue creating it FOR you, usually for their benefit/amusement. Rewind 2 years and I was just like you.

ligyron said:

someone will probably reply "everyone does stupid stuff sometimes that's life" but there's more going on than that. there's an issue here, related to respect/identity or something, that i can't figure out on my own. something's missing. im not being viewed by others as i deserve to be

Click to expand...

Well if you say stupid shit all the time then how do you think you deserve to be viewed?

Maybe you are just hopelessly stupid... Lots of people are stupid, at least you're aware...

Maybe you are at war with yourself; unconsciously determined to thwart your own success. Fear of success? You must tame your subconscious to bend to the will of your logical mind... Not an easy task...