Hey guys, this seems to be a topic appropriate more the for the Mature Man forum, but I guess it could go for any age range.

I tend to work fairly long hours (50 - 60 hours/week) and take at least one long business trip each month. Between all of that, keeping my house up, taking care of my cat, and tending to a few hobbies, I find little time to get out and meet girls. I do what I can when I'm out - be it at the grocery store, at the coffee shop, etc., but those times are few and I'm only going to approach someone I'm really interested in - and I don't always see someone at these places I'm interested in.

I've done a little online, which is okay, but I don't find it to be particularly interesting. I guess I'm old fashioned and prefer to meet a girl in-person.

It's not that I don't want to approach, or have too much anxiety approaching (well, sometimes!), or that I don't want to meet girls, it's just that the opportunities seem scarce.

Anyone else have this problem? And, does anyone have feedback on how to make better and more efficient use of time out - or time in general - to meet girls?

-Dharma

. . . and take at least one long business trip each month.

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Ouch. That's the killer. I've had exactly the same problem for a year, and it's why I have time to do so many posts here. The social life is just getting taken to the slaughterhouse.

I've had two somewhat serious LTR's in the past year immediately end after I came back from a month abroad. I've had it. I'm not leaving this country again until and unless I find myself unemployed.

Yes, travel is enriching, and I'm glad I did it, but I'm almost 31 . . . I just can't squander my life sitting & staring at flight delays in a godam airport while everyone else is out forging friendships and meeting people who live in the same country.

Seeing other countries will make you a better man, but you just need to find a way to settle in a some point. Make some changes in your career.

DharmaBear said:

...I've done a little online, which is okay, but I don't find it to be particularly interesting. I guess I'm old fashioned and prefer to meet a girl in-person....

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Why wouldn't you get together in person with a woman you met online?

Am in kind of the same situation as you. I work at home and because I run my own bussiness, I tend to work long hours also. I also have many responsibilities that kept me from going out and wasting time. What kind of work do you do?

This has been answered throughout the ages simply: Dance. Take dance lessons, then once/wk go to a dance club and dance with as many women as you can. Since you are just dancing, it is a non-threatening easy way to meet many many women. Good luck.

I'm willing to get together with someone I met online, though I haven't done so yet. I'm just saying it doesn't have a "natural" feel to it. Maybe I'm too subject to the old stereotype (which seems in the past now) that online dating is "weird." I generally have nothing against; I'm just more interested in meeting people in person.

I work in the travel industry, so it calls for me to either be in the office for long hours or for me to be on the road. I agree with Phyzzle that it's a great eye-opener to get out in the world, expand your horizons, and meet people from various places/cultures, but there's nothing like coming home. And, it does cut significantly into the available social time. I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there in a similar boat.

I like the dancing idea. I checked online earlier tonight and found some dancing classes offered at the local community center that start next month. Since it's just a one-night-a-week class, I can likely make time for most or all of the classes.

I suspect more and more guys in America, in the coming years, will continue having this problem of being locked away by their jobs (particularly with the advent of most work nowadays being done by computer) and not able to socialize much.

-Dharma

DharmaBear said:

...I suspect more and more guys in America, in the coming years, will continue having this problem of being locked away by their jobs (particularly with the advent of most work nowadays being done by computer) and not able to socialize much.

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The real problem is finding women who are interested in guys who are mostly locked away at their jobs. I'd work on freeing up some time and socializing before actively sarging. Ask yourself, as it stands now, do you do anything which would be of interest to women?

If you work in an office but you don't actually have to be there then maybe you can get a laptop and work at a more social place like the coffee shops, you can meet woman right after you done your work. Thats what am trying to do rightnow.

I'm in the same boat. I'm stuck at the office for about 55-60 hours a week. When I get home, I am too exhausted to do anything and if I do do anything it's to hang out with buddies. I hang out with friends on the weekends and the possibility of hooking up through friends is arid dry. It surely does make meeting ladies at work highly tempting, the few attractive ones there are, and I'm not married to my current occupation, but luckily I'm so focused on work that the temptation doesn't come across my mind too much.

All in all, and I'm not suggesting this as a solution for anyone else, I'm in resigned solitude, keeping the status quo, loving work and like keeping it that way. The difference between being alone and lonely. I do expect things to improve once I get to DJing (and by that I mean disk jockeying) out at bars and lounges, but in the meanwhile it's comfortable boredom.

Francisco d'Anconia said:

The real problem is finding women who are interested in guys who are mostly locked away at their jobs. I'd work on freeing up some time and socializing before actively sarging. Ask yourself, as it stands now, do you do anything which would be of interest to women?

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That's maybe the most true thing I've read in awhile. Work is work, and it's important, but so is balance and varied interests. After all, what chicks would we truly be interested in if all they did was work and go home? Well, I guess it depends on how hot she is...

I have plenty of interests, hobbies, etc. that may be of interest to some women. But - work has supplanted much of those over the last year. Maybe it's time for that to change. I guess when you HAVE to adhere to work responsibilities, and HAVE to work longer hours (and in my case, travel), it's difficult to find those outside interests and stick to them because of time restraints.

If anyone has some thoughts/suggestions on this, I'm all ears.

Thanks for shaking things up a bit for me.


-Dharma

DharmaBear said:

...If anyone has some thoughts/suggestions on this, I'm all ears.

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First understand that everything that you do at work is not as important as you believe. It's mostly other people who want it to be important to you so that you will do something about it instead of them. Just think for a moment about how many thing that you do at work that isn't solely to the benefit of someone else (which they could either do themself or pawn off on someone other than you).

Deflect these things and you should have more time to complete the work which is truly important to you. If you focus on these items (consider the 80/20 rule) you should get your most productive work done within a standard work week (preferably in less time). If you can't, the work and the resources involved should really be re-evaluated.

Outside of Japan, most workers in other countries work less than people in the US. I'm talking 35 hour work weeks and 6 to 8 weeks of vacation each year. They don't nearly have the health problems that we have here; makes you wonder.

Lastly, do you really need the bit of extra money you're making from the overtime (you are making more right??? RIGHT???? :nervous. A good exercise is to calculate how much it will cost a year for you to get by comfortably, nothing extravagant but not like a pauper either. You'd be surprised at how inexpensive it is to live when you can control your finances. Given that, do you really need to trade your life for something that you don't really need to the extent you are selling yourself?

DharmaBear said:

...
Thanks for shaking things up a bit for me.

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Not a problem, that's what I do...

DharmaBear said:

If anyone has some thoughts/suggestions on this, I'm all ears.

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sacrifice (noun) - the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim.

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Here's a question. What are all the hours of work leading to? I'm no stranger to massive work weeks, but there is a vision behind the monster hours - to build a business asset for myself that will take care of me forever. It's short-term pain for a lifetime of self-sufficiency and independence. Plus, I love what I do.

Building a career or business for yourself - if it's in line with your life vision and part of a plan of action to achieve that vision - is far more rewarding than a steady flow of pink hole. Ironically, dedication to your vision in and of itself fosters a strong masculine frame and makes you more attractive to women, especially when there is truth and purpose behind your attitude of indifference toward many women's attempts to chain you down into a relationship. Women come, women go, and they will still be there for the fukking when your career efforts reach critical mass.

This being said, if your long hours of ball busting office work have no correlation with your life vision, or you have no real life vision, then what is the point of it all? Mega-hours are not necessary to eke out a frugally comfortable existance, so if you aren't working long hours for your own compelling reasons, they why are you working them at all? Life's too short to bust yourself without a self-motivated sense of purpose.

I understand this may come off as being related to money, but it's not. It's about purpose, and most people don't dedicate themselves to one. Granted, the hundred or so years we are here is a blink in the eye of time, but if you aren't doing what you do as a means of facillitating the creation of the reality you desire, then what is it that drives you to work so much?

So as it relates to women, fukk 'em. . . literally and figuratively. The pool of available women will always be full when you decide to allocate more time to expanding your options. If your missions in life aren't presently conducive to spinning plates, hopefully it's because you have some clear end-goals in mind with the sacrifices of time you're making.

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"Unless a man believes in himself and makes a total commitment to his career and puts everything he has into it-his mind, his body, his heart-what's life worth to him?" - Vince Lombardi

Same thing here ( long hours / time off = no energy left)

I also run a small buisiness, and work a semi-full time job:woo:

Although the posters above say "large pool of woman always available"
I disagree in my case.

I live in an area that is truely beautiful to live in,
but the pickings are VERY slim.
By that I mean 30% or so are over 50,
another 30% or so have a kid (single mommies)
and another 30% or so incompatable, undateable ,Baggage.

That's all just rough estimates ,anyway I'm just saying that doesn't
leave much for picking.

I guess it depends on where you live,me I am set here for life and won't
be moving basically ever.

That leaves internet or traveling for hooking up...

Anyway just my ramblings , I know the feeling (working alot).
Not enough time in a day~

Unless you want to pay for professional matchmaking services, or you want to meet mates online (plentyoffish is free, lavalife), you'll have to make time for it. Make no time of it and get nothing...make time and it's a start.