theposter said:
Well I had a long post typed up, but decided against it in favor of just getting to the point. I'm in an LDR which began on New Years eve and has allowed us to spend about two weeks together total, where the girl seems very interested in keeping me. She's taken me to meet her parents, invited me to live with her over the summer vacation (we're college students in separate states), and asked, but not demanded, that I be exclusive. Our communication routine is maybe a dozen text messages a day, hour long AIM chats about 4 times a week, and I call (or put it off so long that she calls me) every Saturday night and we talk until the sun comes up. Her favorite line seems to be "why aren't you here?", and mine would be "you're pathetic for bugging me so much, why don't you give it up?" (which provokes her to call me a jackass and then apologize minutes later). I think that I might have spent too much time flirting/teasing and too little time telling her how I really feel, and I don't know if she takes what I say seriously as a result. I have given her a few indications that I like her in a romantic way, but then I always chicken out and act like it was a joke and just part of my teasing routine. For example, I told her I'd mail her a surprise (it was going to be a mix cd and some scenic photos I took), and after not meeting the various dates I'd promised to send it by (ie. "you'll get something in the mail before spring break") I just told her that my gift will be me being with her over the summer.
Anyways, I'm concerned that I'm indicating that I don't want to commit to a relationship and all I want is sex. That's not at all what I want, but I'm not sure how to communicate my feelings for her without coming across as a wuss. I half expect her to call me up one day and say I've been leading her on long enough and need to either break it off or take the next step. Or is there no next step? Do I just keep playing hard to get forever, or will she eventually tire of that?
Speaking of the devil, she just im'ed me 5 seconds after she logged on, as she always does.
I think you know the answer to this yourself, it is buried deep in this post.
The answer i can see in this post, which i will fish out for you is:
Yes its ok to show effection to your GF, yes its ok every now and again to show a little bit of weakness.
these allow the girl to get her claws into you and see your just as human as every one else.
the problem you are facing is i expect your making the transisition from nice guy to jerk ideals.
granted the jerk is working and keeping her interest high but the nice guy earns to show the girl she is worth your attention, but the jerk programming is scared of loosing what you have!
The thing is you need to ideally strike a perfect balance of jerk and chump and become NORMAL, what that means is dont worry about trying to become an A-Hole for the sake of pleasing the women, it seems you already know what you want, on the other hand dont become a suplication wuss boy who cries on her shoulder most nights telling her how much she means to him e.t.c and other sad guy shi*.
It seems you have a good sense of 'self' in there, it is clear you have certain boudries and expectations and your not putting this women on a pedestal and worshipping her as*, but the problem is your taking a back-ward ideal to it:
the nice guy chump ideal, works by the guy doing what 'he' thinks is right to keep the women.
The jerk ideals work by the guy acting in a way to keep the women, hence doing what he as been led to believe works in keeping his women by him.
You can see both the nice guy chump and the abusive jerk are the same breed of man, they come from the same area, both are acting out of fear of loosing the girl and trying to slot into a frame of doing the best thing to keep the women, the difference with the jerk ideal, it is more centered around the guy so in that at least they dont sell there soul for puss*, but still there acting on fear more or less, especcially the nice guy trying to become the jerk.
Now there is a rule i go by:
The nice guy is a guy who walks around with no back-bone, he morphs himself to anything that he can and gets support for his lack of backbone from all around him, including women.
Women see he as no substance and only goes on what they want, so they use him as a friend, which he does not mind since he needs the support.
Then the guy gets piss** at being used so he rams a huge fuc*ing stick up his as* and now he becomes the guy with a huge stick up his as* for a back-bone. He then becomes arrogant since the stick is hurting but its better then the nice guy chump he was used to, he becomes abusive and the girls now want to date him/
After a certain amount of time, he starts getting annoyed at the girls who are attracted to him as he realized most of the girls are fundimentally girls with no back bone for them selves, he starts to get pisse* at the amount of girls out there who are willing to be treated like shi*..
so he pulls the stick from out of his AS* and guess what?
He as grown a backbone, he meets a women, he is not a jerk and he is not a submissve wuss he is just normal and so is his GF and they live happily ever after or at least they live till the love wears out!
the end.
So the story shows it is better to have a stick up your as* but it is even better to develope a Backbone_ in that take the head jerk programming and dispose of it!
Its more then fine to show interest in your women as long as its not nice guy chump interest.
