Long post...


I'm twenty-five, intellectual, very educated (two bachelor degrees), physically fit, an amateur cage fighter, dress myself like a GQ model...and I have a sad confession: I've never had a girlfriend. Yes, sadly, I'm still a virgin. I don't really even have any female friends.

My parents were extremely religious when I was a kid, and I lived an isolated life (my parents were missionaries to a 3rd world country. I lived in the jungles somewhere). I had no female friends when I was young, and I never ended up going to public school. Suffice to say, the end result of my upbringing is that I'm shy around women--perhaps extraordinarily so. The irony is that I'm very good at communicating with people

I can talk to people in a confident and charming manner, I can be funny and articulate. In many contexts, I can talk to women fine--if it's in a non-sexualized way; i.e. talking about the weather or school or whatever. However, when it comes to developing relationships of any sort with women, I run away. I don't ever attempt to become friends with women nor do I ever "hit" on them. This has led to a rather unsatisfying relationship between my right hand and Mr. Jack.

It's come to the point that if I need to do something about it.

I consider myself a good looking guy. I know, I know. It seems like pretty much every poster on these forums claims they're good looking. But when they post their pictures, it becomes clear these individuals are deluded. In my case, this knowledge comes from others--not myself. I've lost count how many times I've heard directly--or indirectly--that a girl/s think I'm gorgeous/hot/cute/good looking etc.

For example, a few weeks ago, I had some random chic come up to me and tell me I'm gorgeous. Then she tried to take me to her house to join a private party. And the clubbing session before that, another girl just walked up to me and told me that I was extremely pretty (yea, who the **** tells a guy that he's pretty...).

I've read countless threads detailing how looks count or don't count. Well, let me tell you that looks don't mean **** if you have no game. I have friends with average joe looks who gets more ass then a toilet seat. And I have other friends that look like models that get no ass at all. I know women are attracted to me, but for whatever reason, they don't usually approach me.

I don't have any game. Zero, zilch, zip, nada. I rarely approach women. I see a girl that interests me, take a deep breath and then...walk in the other direction. Or, if I'm feeling particularly courageous, will introduce myself then proceed to talk about school or some other ridiculously boring topic. They yawn and walk away--and I don't blame them. Basically, I bore the hell out of them by not showing any signs of interest.

Last night it suddenly dawned on me, while at a party watching the other (less qualified imho) guys hook up with chics, that I'm clearly doing something wrong. I'm tired of watching how the game is played. I'm tired of going to clubs and parties and watching my friends pick up girls while watch from a distance. I want to join the game myself.

Part of my problem is that I don't have a network of female friends. Despite the social persona I put on when at school or when I hang out with my male buddies, I've always been a bit of a loner. I don't usually feel an all consuming need to go out and hand with the buds, or party. In fact, I rarely party at all. In 4 months, I might hit a club once and maybe a pub once.

My free time, when I'm not at school (or training MMA--which actually takes a considerable amount of time and energy as I weight lift, train Mixed Martial Arts 8 times a week, run, ride bike, etc) is spent by myself, in my room on the computer. It's very clear to me now, that you aren't going to meet any women sitting in your room.

Since I'm shy around women, I find it very difficult to become buddy-buddy with them (which is an important part of the relationship process if you want to move forward). I have no problems interacting with fellow males though.

I'm tired of the flak I'm taking for not having female friends or not having a girlfriend. People seem astounded to find out that I don't have never had a girlfriend.

I know women are attracted to me. I've had various girls who have liked me over the past eight years. Sometimes the signs were extremely obvious..But I've always been too ***** to do anything about it.

For example, just last year in one of my classes. I had this one little hottie constantly make an effort to talk to me. She would also, while I was sitting in front of my computer, come up behind me and press her body against me, hands on my shoulders. Once, she even asked for my autograph because she said she thought I would be famous one day. At the end of the term, she even invited me along to a social function/party with her and a few of her friends. Yea, I know, I'm about as dense as a brick. I can tell story after story like this. However, it always ends up the same: I **** my pants with fear and end up not asking the girl out.

Last time I went clubbing, I noticed a chic staring at me, so I actually mustered up enough courage and approached her. Great interest level from her. She also asked if I was half asian because she was too. I applied some kino and we talked. I invited her onto the dance floor a few minutes later BUT WAS TOO ***** TO GRAB HER AND ACTUALLY DANCE WITH HER. I stood around awkwardly and some other guy grabbed her... This always ****ing happens to me. And I'm tried as hell of losing ass because of my fear.

SO I'm going to try and change it.

First is first.

1) Talk to women!
As I said before, if it's just chatting about trivial things, I can talk to women fine. But I do find it difficult to talk to good looking girls without feeling nervous. I'm going to start to chat up women whenever possible. I need to get comfortable talking to the female sex. They are after all just humans.

2)Become friends with women
I know. Women are humans. But it's really difficult for me to treat them as friends. Basically, I'm afraid of them. It's ridiculous, I know. Unfortunetely, This has led to a situation where I have a decent amount of male friends but NO female friends.

3) Get the **** out of my room
If I have nothing to do, I will just chill in my room and surf the web. It's clear as crystal, however, that I'm not going to meet women this way.

4) Approach women
This is the hardest part for me. The thought of approaching random women and actually hitting on them makes me feel like puking. I know, it's not a rational fear. What's the worst that will happen? They blow me off? They walk away? It's not like it will kill me. However, I have never ever done this. Some of the guys here talk about cold approaching. But hell, I can't even approach a women in a club or party. The thought of trying it outside of those venues sends a chill through my bones. BUT, I need to do it, somehow. I feel if I can do it at least once, that fear will dissapear At the very least, I will realize that I CAN ACTUALLY HIT ON A WOMAN.

Dude...

Im 18....19 next month, and I am the same exact way. Everything you said in your post is identical to how I am. Im a virgin, never had a girlfriend, I HAD a hard time talking to attractive women. But now I am doing much better.

Tell ya what, I still can't cold approach. But, after frequenting this site for month's, I have begun to work up my self confidence, and my social skills where never bad. I was just shy around attractive woman.

One thing I found, is that when I started to feel more confident with myself. I started to feel more confident around the attractive ladies. In my past I have missed many many come on's from the ladies. Hell, even had a girl get a hold of me and told me there was nobody home and that I should come over.. .....Went right over my head.....I told her I had other plans! haha

My fear of talking to attractive women, is starting to fade away. I have made an incredible amount of improvement within the last 4 months.

The only thing that really helped me in the end though, was the courage to just talk to the ladies.......I think ill make a new thread in a bit cuz I got a good amount to say.


Good luck man, I feel ya. Its great that you recognize your problems, just work on fixin um. =)