Quaterlife Crisis

Alright guys, so I’ve been battling around this issue lately for a good 6 weeks since just turning 25. I know the age range on this forum is generally a bit older than my age, but there are a few outliers on the forum.

So, I’ve been thinking WTF am I doing at age 25 wasting all my nights driving downtown to find parking, meet up with wings, pay club fees, buy a drink, and hit on a girl who’s not interested in meeting up for coffee or ice cream date later that week, or surf date (my DHV). Or worse yet studying and rehearsing PUA material at home when I should be reading a book on finance, marketing, law, entrepreneurship, the bible, a foreign language, or looking into expating a career to another country.

The way I look at it is this: I could put in 2 years of constant sarging to get a fool’s mate to improve my sexual confidence that I never got in college ….. or I could burn the midnight oil and self-educate myself with lots of books to start a business that will free up my lifestyle of working the 9-5 grind and being able to afford a better lot in life. I feel stuck barely making 30k for a family busines and paying bills month to month while the cost of living in my popular city keeps going up.

Time is my most valuable asset that I can't take back, so I'm trying to resolve my direction in life now, before I get out of my 20s.

It is said 90% of the women out there aren’t healthy for LTRs, but I think the same could be said about men who don’t have their sh!t together. So why not become that 10% that women have to work hard to get health, inner game, and their own careers together. Make them qualify themselves hard instead of us being desperate to get dates with them by becoming the prize.

As some mature DJs have been telling me about women they talk to in their late 30s/ 40s wished they had slept around less and guys in their 30s/40s wished they would have worked harder at financial independence. Settling down with a woman with baggage, or lots of sexual partners is what I’m preparing myself for due to my lack of experience in the dating realm while I continue to work on self-sufficiency.

*****
So the question is do I pursue the sketchy lifestyle of the PUA or the road less traveled by becoming an entreprenuer Don Juan who's options pursue him instead?

I think it was Marlimus from here who once told me with hard work any 7 could become an 8,9, or even a 10.

This post makes life sound so binary, when this isn’t the case. Women won't pursue you if you moderately boost your entrepreneurial sense. Simple fact is there are some guys women pursue like athletes, and some guys who they do not. Expecting to switch from one life style to another hoping women will suddenly flock to you is absurd.

Live the life style that makes you happy. If you don't and live to earn money, the lifestyle will consume you

What are you? 12? Who cares about this number of sex partners ****?

I care because the more partners she has had the harder it is for her to have a serious connection with me in a relationship. Think about it, you can't turn the used neighborhood bike around to be the trusted prized model of the show. Emotional connection is important for me, as women with less relationships tend to have less baggage. I've played captain-save-a-ho a few times now, so I'm smart enough now to try going for younger cleaner women. That's my goal anyway...

I agree with the first poster Synergy though... we should follow our pursuits that make US happy and not to become a PUA just so we can have opportunities in the bedroom. Thanks man.

No everything is black and white.

What you seem to believe is that either your out every night scamming for chicks, or you are reading books and self educating.

Life is about balance. You need to find a balance that works for you.

Or worse yet studying and rehearsing PUA material at home

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The above would be the last things I would ever do.

I only had real success with women in my late 20's. At it varies from person to person.

what I would say, is find that balance in life between family, friends, partying, study and work.

I work hard to try to increase my finances for ME, not to attract women.

Women care more about looks & dik size than money today, anyways. But, I want a good life for MYSELF and that is what I work for. I know I sure as hell can't expect a woman to give that to me one day.

Thing is, it takes time for investments to compound and stuff, so the earlier you start making more money, the better. Some of these hardcore PUAs are also azz-broke cuz they spend all their time on that and no time making moolah.

At 24, your lifelong goals will change AGAIN when you reach your mid 30s. And quite possibly, AGAIN, when you are near retirement age.

What I personally do is revisit my career goals (some people also do the "investment" goals, which is a smart thing to do). Think about it; you will spend most of your awaken time at work. So, you might as well focus in that area and then work it from there (Note: You cannot plan when you will be married or how many kids you will have and went – in that area, all you can do is have a wishing list).

So, you do that by “short”, “mid”, and “long” term goals.

You short term goals should be no more than 2 years long. Your mid term goals should be less than 5 years. And your long term goals should be 5+.

Now, long term goals can change. In fact, they will change. You will probably get married and have children and that might require for you to revisit your long term goals. Health could deteriorate or you might learn that you hate what you are doing. However, having them create a vision of where you would like to be. Then you can use the short and mid term goals to set the path for that vision.

Understanding where you want to go in your career (irregardless if you are a mechanic, an engineer, or an intern) can help you gain focus. It can also help you realized where you need to improve professional (Hint: by looking a job vacancies for those positions and studying what are the skills required to fulfill those positions you can get a good idea of what you need).

Here is how I see things: you are SINGLE. Once you are married and with children, things will considerably slow. So, all you have to do is create a balance in your life.

At 25 years old…you should have enough ENERGY to improve your career, while at the same time go out and have fun and meet several women. If you need to slow down a bit, that’s fine.

Now – stopping the usage of drugs, or alcohol, or any other bad habits is ALWAYS is great thing. Getting healthy and fit is also a great thing. And if you want to change your social life for that particular purpose (note: change is not the same as denying yourself of a social life), that’s fine IMO.

wayword said:

I work hard to try to increase my finances for ME, not to attract women.

Women care more about looks & dik size than money today, anyways. But, I want a good life for MYSELF and that is what I work for. I know I sure as hell can't expect a woman to give that to me one day.

Thing is, it takes time for investments to compound and stuff, so the earlier you start making more money, the better. Some of these hardcore PUAs are also azz-broke cuz they spend all their time on that and no time making moolah.

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This is actually very good advice. One that I wish I knew about 10 or so years ago.

And you are very right. I have NEVER being impressed with the "PUA" vogue of the last 5 or so years. Most of these guys are broke or trying to make some money by "teaching" some guys how to get "women". (Note: I'm sure most of the "PUA" stuff takes place in Bars or Nightclubs -not the place to find great women and more importantly, not a hard place to get laid at all).

However, would I consider a "PUA" a DJ? No. Can a DJ apply some "PUA" techniques? Yes. Does a DJ need to apply them? Nope.

pua lifestyle is based on "need". be a great man
and your love life will fall right into place. I am
still working on this.

regards

NewMan said:

what I would say, is find that balance in life between family, friends, partying, study and work.

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Agreed... I need to find a way to use my time efficiently for self-educating at home after work, and then going out on the weekends to get better at gaming.

Latinoman said:

So, you do that by “short”, “mid”, and “long” term goals.

You short term goals should be no more than 2 years long. Your mid term goals should be less than 5 years. And your long term goals should be 5+.

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Awesome advice. I make up and replace goals all the time... but don't see through them half the time because I don't give realistic dates to the short/mid/long term goals. I'm going to rearrange my spreadsheet to know what time frame my goals fall under.

Latinoman said:

Here is how I see things: you are SINGLE. Once you are married and with children, things will considerably slow. So, all you have to do is create a balance in your life.

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That's actually what I fear most. Being tied doing in an LTR/marriage w/w/o kids and not being able to focus in my career or move easily on the fly if a business opportunity comes up and demands me to move immediately. I think it was Pook who said it's imperitive for men to remain single while they work on their prizability.

wayword said:

Thing is, it takes time for investments to compound and stuff, so the earlier you start making more money, the better. Some of these hardcore PUAs are also azz-broke cuz they spend all their time on that and no time making moolah.

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Yeah... I've got several of my buddies in my pua group who are dead broke slacking in their careers because they go out 4 nights a week and aren't pushing themselves in the gym and at work.

persistent exaction said:

pua lifestyle is based on "need". be a great man
and your love life will fall right into place.

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Definately... I see pua lifestyle as a temporary phase as at one point in my life I'll have to seek into becoming something greater in terms of manhood, like a Don Juan.

*****
Thanks for the advice above guys. I know now that I'm doing the right thing. If I keep working on myself at the gym, work, and social outings (1-2 times a week) I'll be fine and getting better with women will naturally fall into place. This site and David D really worked out my neediness on how I used to have to depend on women for validation. Nothing wrong with being single especially when self-improving fast in the real world.

Sidenote on compound interest. It's awesome! I've been investing for about 5 years now, but don't want to touch my appreciating assets. All the money I save, I use to "pay myself first" and watch the portfolio grow.