Hey, i have a problem.. emm everytime i have speaked to a girl, i start to think that i could do something more backthere, When i think back. i start to think that i could make the conversation more intressted and more funnyier but i never do, afterwards i always think "omg, why didnt i ask her that and that, why didnt i do that... it was so much i could add in the conversation.. WHY DIDNT i do that" so why do i get these question and not when i talk to a girl? im not nervous when i talk to a girl, nothing like that.. its just that every question/my conversation skillz i have on my mind is gone when i talk to a girl and then after that i talked to this girl i get the question back/my conversationskillz..

Whyyy?? is it because im to foucesd or think or something like that to much?

everybody has this....

just remember to use what you didn't use in the future if it ever fits the situation and you'll not dwell on the past as much

That's how you learn. Aren't you getting a little better with each approach? Those questions are a good thing.

Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourself up.

Its just practice mate, we all have it, just don't think too much about it and try it the next time, see how it works out and learn from it...

good luck

Shiftkey said:

That's how you learn. Aren't you getting a little better with each approach? Those questions are a good thing.

Click to expand...

well, not so good.. cuz when i have talked with girls, I get a bad feeling afterwards cuz i feel that i have embrassed myself.. cuz i always start to think "omg what a dumb ass you are" i realyrealy want to stop think, but its just that its poopping up.. I dont have fear anymore for girls, my approaching is ok.. i didnt approach untill i readed photo's thread.. its just that my conversation skillz stop my approaching.. but well i have to practice as you all say

The constant self-monitoring is only going to make your conversations worse. I would (first) stop thinking about the goal so hard and just have lots and lots of conversations. For me, that would be step 1. Let it go, be willing to screw things up and not care. The goal should be something you *cannot* fail at, that is just engagging in the conversations in the first place.

So I think the goal should first be to have conversations and stay talkative. That's way more important than exactly saying the most perfect thing ever. I would also kill the self-monitoring. Everytime it starts to crop up, just shut it down. Say what you were going to say anyway, even if it isn't ideal. Juts throw it out there. Sometimes you will get sh1t for it, but that's just part of the process. It;s better to really learn what not to say than to constantly second guess your every move based on some perception of what might not fly. Basically, if you always think of what might go wrong or how you could always do so much better, then the self-fuffiling prophecy is already set in motion. It's better to think about all the stuff you did right and how great you did, and then add modifications in extremely small, specific steps. Like next convo, I want to talk more, remember to breathe deeply, etc. I think a lot of problems will self-correct once the intense anxiety goes away and it becomes more of an automatic process.