girl is making jump through hoops to have a date

[rutgersman]

I sent this email to this girl after she told meet me last week.....she wanted me to check my schedule to see when I would have off from work. I had planned on meeting her last week. I hadnt heard from her. So I write her back say..."when you can adjust your schedule we will meet another time."
She writes me back and says.."What do you mean by this? I want to set up a meeting with you. What time?"--Cynthia.

Then i write her this last email.

Cynthia-

I clearly explained to you on the phone last week that I would check my schedule and meet with you last week. Unfortunately, you had other plans. Due to courtesy, I like to know well ahead of time to plan a meeting. The only two days I have available this week are Monday and Tuesday. I do work on friday until 10pm. I would prefer after 10pm on friday since I want to keep the meeting short. No more than an hour. I hope this works for you too.
--Steve

Then she says 10pm sounds good....only if we meet in Brandon!
Geez, brandon is 30 minutes away from me. I wanted to meet her downtown near my home after I got off work. Is this girl playing me? Why is she making me jump through hoops? Should i blow her off?

Steve.

[Vulpine]

You'll get this with online scummers.

At this point this is what you do:

Drop all contact.

Why?

If she was genuinely interested, she'd re-initiate contact and be ready to play ball. She'll have time to wonder and conclude that you are a busy, desireable guy who isn't going to stand for her crap.
If not, she's a serial dater who is used to monkeys doing whatever she wants. I would go so far as to say she is an attention wh0re to boot. Next she'll be assuming that you are paying for drinks, too.

Trust me, don't chase this one. Why would you put yourself out to meet a stranger? For all you know she has a glass eye and dentures. Drop the contact - without warning, without a reason.

It's a blatent sh!t test, give in now and be prepared to be jumping through hoops the entire relationship.

[rutgersman]

i think thats the best advice. I will do just that. Drop contact with her.

If she wants to get together it will be on my terms and on my turf.

I think all women from dating sites such as plentyoffish.com and match.com are nutcases anyway. Low self esteem types. I meet so many gameplayers and whackos. I need to delete my accounts cause I know I am not crazy.

[Vulpine]

Right on. I just pulled the plug on my account for the same reason. Every single F'ing date that I FINALLY managed to arrange has had the same result:

I arrive, and without a word being said, my "FREAK B!TCH/GAME PLAYING/ATTENTION WH0RING/WHACKO/SLUT/NO RESPECT/MEN ISSUES/DANGER DANGER DANGER - NOT MY TYPE" Alarm goes off. Whereas, when I meet people in real life, I wouldn't have wasted a second breath on those same chicks.

People date online for a reason. That reason is...

They can't get a date in real life.

I don't have that problem, in fact, it's quite the opposite. So, why waste my time? Psshft... you tell me.

[rutgersman]

I met so many whack-jobs from those dating sites im surprised many of them aren't wearing straight jackets.

I met this one woman off a dating site....her headline reads.."sexy, independent female, no baggage, never been married at 36." That alone sent up a red flag. I went out with her for a month and she confirmed what I already knew.....she turned out to be a nutcase. She derives pleasure from being independent...which means blowing men off, lack of respect for males, having male issues, having sex on first date..then calling back the next day and saying she isnt a slut, attention *****, all mixed up into one. Never again.

I have never met a "sane" woman in a dating site either.

Just my two cents worth...

[mcqueen207]

The last one i met off Lavalife was 5'2 170lbs (describes herself as "average" body type). On top of that she was going bald (30 yrs old) and had teeny tiny grey teeth and huge gums.

Aye Curumba!! :eek:

[whistler]

Rutgersman -

Like Vulpine said... the woman no longer exists in your life. Live by that. It's a lost cause. She didn't click with you.

PS -- Be sure to read the DJ Bible. There's a link at the bottom of every page.

[flexion_]

Maybe she is just stupid and doesn't read very well. But agree with others... you two aren't "clicking" very well.

Focus on other women. :)

[Rollo Tomassi]

It sounds like you're arranging a business contract, not dating. This is the primary reason I deplore the crutch that is 'online dating'. A lot of guys will disagree with me, saying how much ass they're puling off of MySpace or some other dating service, but it does nothing to help a guy's game in the real world. We need that spontanaety to stoke attraction. You cannot negotiate attraction, it has to be initiated in the physical. All of these contrivances - online dating, eharmony (*hock, spit*), Speed Dating - are all buffers for rejection meant to lessen it's impact to the egos of guys who are too fearful to approach in 'real time' and also puts the control of the "date" in the woman's frame. When the negotiation is such that she sets the rules of engagement through a social contrivance or a game (like Speed Dating) it establishes the precident from the outset that it's her frame you will qualify for and by default - by the fact that you're even playing along - she is automatically the PRIZE.

RUTGERS, considering the "relationship" you're just beginning to recover from, I think your efforts would be better applied to meeting women in person. You will learn so much more from direct, face-to-face contact. You can't read subcommunications, body language, vocal inflections, mood or arousal states by typing things at a woman on a keyboard. You'll risk rejection and yes, you'll probably get shot down often enough, but you'll learn far more and be able to apply what you learn much more readily. Rejection sucks, but it gets easier each time you learn something new.

Remember Rejection is better than Regret.

[rutgersman]

No offense, but you analyze women too much.

"You cannot negotiate attraction, it has to be initiated in the physical." LOL

[Rollo Tomassi]

Well, when you're getting play from "booking" dates, then we'll talk,..

[Vulpine]

One last comment about online dating: I've developed the same attitude against it that I have with going to strip clubs.

Why pay for what I can get for free?

[Latinoman]

No offense, but you analyze women too much.

"You cannot negotiate attraction, it has to be initiated in the physical." LOL


Actually...Rollo Tomassi is right.

[Latinoman]

One last comment about online dating: I've developed the same attitude against it that I have with going to strip clubs.

Why pay for what I can get for free?

Exactly.

I say (keeping an open mind in here)...it is good if a man is going through a drough and needs to get a confidence boost. Or if he wants a quick easy pick.

Other than that...nothing to brag about.

[Hitman10000]

I have to break it to you, but early in the game of dating you have to pursue and show interest, and especially in online dating you have to be flexible considering you and her hardly built any rapport. That's the way I've seen it, never done online dating cause usually I can find girls on my own within a matter of weeks or months after a relationship has ended.

What's up with the REAL LOSERS in here saying that women who are do online dating are losers, wackos, and such. WHAT ABOUT YOURSELF? I think anyone who does online dating are losers already who are only kidding themselves, some younglings in the discussion forum always spout how great it is to be on myspace flirting with random girls or posting their stupid chat session logs, and they wonder why they still can't get a date from a girl or get dumped after the first date.

[SoCalMike]

Right on. I just pulled the plug on my account for the same reason. Every single F'ing date that I FINALLY managed to arrange has had the same result:

I arrive, and without a word being said, my "FREAK B!TCH/GAME PLAYING/ATTENTION WH0RING/WHACKO/SLUT/NO RESPECT/MEN ISSUES/DANGER DANGER DANGER - NOT MY TYPE" Alarm goes off. Whereas, when I meet people in real life, I wouldn't have wasted a second breath on those same chicks.

People date online for a reason. That reason is...

They can't get a date in real life.

I don't have that problem, in fact, it's quite the opposite. So, why waste my time? Psshft... you tell me.

Great post, couldn't agree more.

I've gone on two dates off of Craigslist and two from Myspace - both free sites, and all four women were nut-jobs, single moms who lied about it, man-haters, fat but lied about it, etc. and it was obvious why they were single.

I'm not denying it's possible to meet quality women online, but it seems to me that looks are the most important factor online and if you're not a male model why bother?

Meeting people in real life, especially through hobbies (like music, dance classes, etc.) is a MUCH better way to go. Your other qualities ( e.g. charisma, confidence ) can shine through much better in person.